This is what we call a "warm-up"

Let me be clear, no matter what I'm about to say during the outfit deconstruction of ASJiNE favorite Sienna Miller at the Independent Spirit Awards in Santa Monica last night, I am over the moon to have seen this recently elusive London doll make it onto the traditional Oscar Eve blue carpet.

Relieved is more like it, actually.

I do love myself a good indie flick -it's no coincidence I live within walking distance of here- but it's not Miller's "Interview" nod or her appearance therefor that lured me out of my den of sick and got me typing. Believe it or not, it's not even her could it be any more me? textured halter-neck Monique Lhuillier LBD, her sunny glow or her fresh, nothing-but-mascara (looking) makeup palette.

No, what's really got my still seriously feverish body all a-gleeful is that one of my non-Oscar-nominated, non-Oscar-presenting style stars is in the vicinity of Hollywood the night before O-Day.

In other words, here is the evidence I need to be assured that later on tonight, I'll for sure see Ms. Miller walk the real Hollywood carpet, the one that shares the shade of Marilyn's pout, Rita's locks and Vivian's dress.

As for Sienna's overall look here, I'm not such a big fan. To begin, the dress is a size too big, and not just in one or two alter-able regions but everywhere. Then there's the clutch, whose combination of seafoam and alligator smacks of Mommy-dress-up to me. And the ankle-strap pumps? Upmarket though they surely are, they seem awfully dated, more than a tad too boardroom, and just plain ol' mismatched for a flirty, Chantilly-overlay cocktail frock.

All that aside, the most frustrating and unforgivable offense is Sienna's violation of the cardinal rule of the showpiece neckline with those unruly, undone beach waves of hers.

If the strep throat demons hadn't stripped me of my voice, you better believe I'd be more than mouthing, "PULL IT BACK!" at my screen right now.

For more snaps of Sienna in her pretty but ill-fitted dress, Working Girl shoes, Easter sermon clutch and disrespectful hair at the IFC Awards, see below:

My own dabble with the subjective superlative

In the spirit of the season of "Best of" lists, I thought I'd try my tanned hand at the practice with my own subjective selection.

At the end of the day, everything I know about style is a synthesis of my own organic uh-I-like-that-edness and that which I've read in magazines and fashion blogs and seen on TV and in films; I'm not going to sit here and pretend I recognized a single non-mainstream-celebrity on Vanity Fair's list of the 10 Best Dressed Women for 2007, because that would be lying, and liars, I'm told, end up in a place where the only shoes are wedged espadrilles, the only jeans are bootleg, the only jackets are North Face and the only style resource is this has-been train wreck.

Point is, my list isn't a "Best Dressed" one but rather an enumeration of those women to whom I most often turn for real, lasting and consistent style inspiration.

You'll notice conspicuously absent from my short list are names like Penelope Cruz, Jennifer Lopez and Cate Blanchett, women over whom I fawn shamelessly on almost a daily basis for their red carpet prowess. Their omissions are by no means a function of my wanting to stick to six names and six names only but rather a desire to highlight women who, like I said above, have had and continue to have a real influence on the way I dress and the way I discern between this item or that item for my daily blog features. I'm duly impressed with how Penny, J.Lo and Cate continue to choose striking, figure-flattering Versace, Marchesa and Armani Privé gowns, respectively, but ultimately, the only practical influences they have over me involve their posture, makeup and hair styles.

So without further ado, here is my subjective superlative list:

ASJiNE's Most Prominent (living) Style Inspirations:

1. Katie Holmes

(influences: there is no such thing as casual casual; heels with any outfit, on any terrain; invest in simple, neutral but memorable pieces)

2. Audrey Tautou

(influence: never underestimate the power of "cute")

3. Natalie Portman

(influence: show-stop with cuts, not color; beautiful skin is the best accessory)

4. Woman in Paris*
(influence: there is a tasteful way to wear anything, it just takes imagination and compensation)

5. Sienna Miller
(influences: a toned size-2/4 figure allows you to look good in - or at least try - anything; a sultry eye can serve as your most powerful accessory) 6. Rachel Bilson
(influence: helped me discover my favorite silhouette -- slim, slim lines broken up by a cropped, boxy jacket)

*photo taken from The Sartorialist

Who the flip is in charge of this? (vol. II)

My take on these superlative lists - "best dressed," "hottest," "sexiest woman alive" - editors-in-chief oh-so-love to cobble together for their big, fat Fall issues are nothing more than a subjectively chosen "who's who" of the individuals with whom that particular periodical wanted to be associated even before the initial red team of "fashion-conscious judges from around the world" had been assembled. But despite my frustration at seeing some of the names in Vanity Fair's 68th annual "Best Dressed" list released earlier today, I can't get myself in too much of a huff, because frankly, there is no other way to do it; unlike home runs, Nielsen ratings and units sold, style and beauty cannot so easily be categorized, analyzed and ranked in the objective fashion the way most commodities can.

But as unscientific and incestuously biased as many of these lists' selection processes are, Vanity Fair took this idea of promoting certain women - as opposed to the clothes themselves - to an entirely new stratosphere of absurd.

Ivanka Trump is no doubt striking in the face and has achieved an in-her-own-rite kind of professional success, but better dressed than Penelope Cruz, Cate Blanchett, Sienna Miller, Kate Moss and Rachel Bilson? Come now.

And don't even get me started on Lady Obama's inclusion...

Vanity Fair's 10 Best Dressed Women of 2007:

1. Charlotte Gainsbourg

2. Princess Alexandra of Greece*

3. Marjorie Gubelmann

4. Princess Mafalda of Hesse

5. Fran Lebowitz

6. Michelle Obama

7. Bee Shaffer (daughter of Vogue's editrix, Anna Wintour)*

8. Tilda Swinton

9. Ivanka Trump

10. Renée Zellweger*

*ASJINE approved (not endorsed, mind you, but approved)

**Because it's a nice round number, I thought I'd share with you all that this post marks my 1,000th in 212 days of active blogging. I think that earns me another half-cupcake, yes?

'Cause I got Britain on me mind today...

Thank goodness for this picture.

After Sienna's multiple WTF appearances in Rome last week, I was prepared to accept the fact that one of my very favorite style darlings had taken not just a dip in the crazy pool but a full-on off-the-high-dive bellyflop thereinto.

But here (sigh of relief), yesterday, at the Tribeca Grand Hotel for the New York City premiere of her new Steve Buscemi-helmed film, Interview, she didn't just redeem herself in this prim, proper and perfectly-fitted black Chanel strapless sheath with a lace-overlay bustline, pencil-skirt and patent-leather cinch, she sent my expectations soaring into territories just shy of Cate Blanchettown.* I mean, who knew the befreckled, swears-like-a-sailor London lass who not only usually epitomizes that whole boho-chic look but frankly, was the co-inspiration therefor with these two back in the Summer of 2005, had it in her to transform from this (just hours before the premiere) into the polished lady I see here.

In fact, the only thing I can think of that looks better than Sienna in this dress is Interview itself:

*she would have made there, had she chosen these shoes (in black) instead...

Eva-va-va-VOOM!

I just can't get me enough of Ms. Mendes.

Not sure if it's her always glimmered to the hilt nut-brown skin, her sultry you-want-this-don't-you? photog face, those tremendous runner's calves (she claims to run 4 miles a day even on vacation) or her reliably ASJINE-approved sense of asset-flaunting, sky-high-heel-complementing, ladylike style, but whatever it is she's got, I not only want a piece but a wing, a drumstick and a nice juicy breast to go with it.

Perhaps it's that she has so many nice features from which to choose - legs, shoulders, skin, face, hair, arms, back - and so very few flaws - under-the-radar longtime boyfriend, having starred in a Will Smith movie - that I'm simply, utterly and completely in awe. I mean, only Eva could rock a demure, loose-fitting gold sheath, oversized black clutch and neutral slingback platform peep toes, an ensemble that on most women would look ho-hum, and knock it so far out of the park at this past weekend's Valentino-athon in Rome that women like Sarah Jessica Parker, Anne Hathaway and even the usually sublime Sienna Miller (though here, um, well, uh...I'm at a loss) in their much more amped-up gowns, were forced to lower their heads in we're-not-worthy defeat.

5 best evening eyes of the Spring semester

Natalie Portman (Paris je t'aime premiere)

Hilary Duff (Dignity release party) Katie Holmes (Vanity Fair post-Oscar party) Katherine McPhee (TRL appearance)Sienna Miller (BAFTA Awards)

5 best dresses of the Spring semester

Sienna Miller in vintage Ossie Miller (A+)

Jennifer Lopez in Oscar de la Renta (A)

Penelope Cruz in Oscar de la Renta (A)

Eva Mendes in Marchesa (A-)

Nicole Kidman in Balenciaga (A-)

And I thought *I* was cool in high school

Some girls physically mature later than others. Some don't "grow into themselves," as they say, until they're well past high school. These are the girls who dry their eyes and blow their noses when their Jake-picks-Samantha wistfulness ends up more like dance after dance of Steff-treating-Andie-like-shit. These are the girls whose parents offer "helpful" words of comfort like, "Oh honey, he just doesn't see what's on the inside," "maybe you should try for that other boy - the one from band class who seems to really like you," and "those popular girls aren't going to be so popular in the 'real world,' you'll see."

Judging by these recently-released photos of Sienna Miller taken when she was just shy of her 16th birthday, I'd wager she was not one of these girls. No, from what I can tell, this was the kind of lass who had nary a problem accepting her looks, snagging a boyfriend and digging deep to find the confidence to...well, to do anything.

What's disconcerting about these photos is that had I not read their accompanying text I would have assumed this was a recently-shot set. Not only does she at 16 look strikingly like she does at 25, but as I noted a few days ago with Angelina, at the age when so many girls are grappling to just get through the day-to-day of teenagerhood, Sienna is already in a place where she exudes a womanly confidence, an extreme self-comfort, and yes, even hints of an undiscovered - or, judging from the last two photos, maybe not so undiscovered - sexuality, all of which jump off the page and have you wondering who the hell this saucy little blonde is and what the hell's on her mind.

Sure, most of these outfits and poses are much too suggestive for a junior in high school, but that aside, focusing solely on the natural impetuousness that comes through, for me, the strongest in the eyes-closed belly-laugh picture and the very Edie-Sedgwick-esque "whot-yoo-lookin'-at?" tilt-of-the-head and drag-of-the-fag picture. You look at Sienna in these photos and you just know. You know, even if she didn't at the time, that something fabulous and fun and uniquely her would be coming down the pike very soon.

And for all those poor homecoming queens, student body presidents and the ultra-piteous student body presidents who also happened to be homecoming queens, Sienna proves early-developed beauty and popularity doesn't have to be a knocked-up, dropped-out, trailer-park life sentence, after all.

More pictures of Sienna looking a whole lot better than we did at 16 below:

Best calves in the business

"Damn, those are nice calves..." aren't typically the first five words that pop into my head when I see a woman, famous or not, in heels and a skirt.

But when I saw this picture, I thought just that. Twice. And then said it out loud.

In part because of my tremendously high standards, in part because I'm territorial - you don't see Scarlett gushing over Lucy Pinder's rack, J.Lo swooning over Jessica Biel's ass or Sienna Miller carrying on about Hilary's Duff's eye makeup, after all - I don't tend to recognize nor reward the shapeliness, strength or overall perfection of a pair of calves unless they're attached to my own body. My justification for this is the same as why I so infrequently tuck dollar bills into thongs at Camelot -- the ladies haven't earned it.

But in this case, despite the frigid humorless bitch to whom these calves are attached, I cannot deny praise where praise is due, and here, in this black asymmetric off-the-shoulder Oscar de la Renta dress, in these patent-leather platform heels, and at this angle, this 37-year-old mother of two (and avid runner) has what I am now anointing, "the best calves in the business."

Though I fear she's unaware she peaked back in 1986 with her performance in every middle school kid's favorite indoor-recess film and has since been on a decline that can't be half as painful for her to experience as it was for us to sit through (think shitbombs like The Rockateer, Dark Water and especially A Beautiful Mind), at least she can proudly show her kids these pictures.

And then she can go back to saving the world one Blood Diamond, one hybrid minivan, one Hillary Clinton fundraiser at at time.

To pixie or not to pixie?

That might just be the question.

Cutting your hair as pixie-short as Elisha Cuthbert, Michelle Williams and the woman I saw exiting Andre Chreky at the corner of 16th and K at around 6:15 yesterday evening is tantamount to declaring to the world, "My face is flat-out gorgeous."

And in their respective cases, they're right. They are that pretty. And Natalie, Halle, Sienna, Charlize and my fedora-adoring friend C? All of 'em, forget about it, they'd be gorgeous completely bald.

While I'm confident enough to know I'm not stuck in Kirsten Dunst, Jennifer Aniston or post-Good Will Hunting Minnie Driver territory, I also know my limits, and when it comes to hair, that's about two inches below my ears. Any shorter, and I'm right back in that chair at the JC Penney salon in Lansing with trainee stylist "Gessica," a boy's bowlcut (complete with side-buzzing) and a tear-stained picture of Demi Moore from Ghost I had carefully torn out of YM magazine and constantly, though unsuccessfully, reminded Gessica to reference throughout my 11 minute cut.

Michelle (pictured below) claimed the decision to chop was made for her -- a role in an upcoming film required it. Equally practical, Elisha (above) said it was the years of styling damage that finally convinced her to trim a good nine inches off her long-ish bob. Unfortunately, I didn't ask the woman I spotted yesterday why she had taken the Mia Farrow plunge, a decision in retrospect based on how comfortable she seemed with her daring 'do. A woman who's just followed through on a decision most of us think about but never really take seriously when our stylists ask us, "So...what are we doing today?" depending on the outcome, either wears the proud but giddily excited look of a woman who's just returned to work after an on-a-whim hour-long "lunch" in room 416 at the Mayflower, or she looks like an eight year old who's lost her Mommy in a Super Wal-Mart: trembling lip, tear-brimmed eyes and in a state equal parts disbelief, remorse and abject fear.

This woman wore neither expression. She just looked pleased. It was clear she had gone in for a touch-up, not a lop-off. She wasn't particularly well-dressed, nor was she memorably striking, but as she strode out the front door of my salon, I had to quickly skip from "Ode to..." to Ralphi's Hot Freak remix of "Don't cha" so I could stop and admire the confidence behind that haircut with just the right soundtrack. If successfully executed, I imagined myself walking about town making every man who passed me nod in admission that they did, in fact, wish their girlfriends were hot like me.

Still, there is the potential, even with a trusted stylist, for all this to go very, very wrong.

When it comes to love, I've always been a proponent of holding off on making important decisions when the two of you are still in that face-to-face-three-times-a-day, saying-"I-love-you"-every-10-minutes-and-meaning-it happy bubble. Yesterday, upon seeing this woman, I realized that same logic applies to dramatic haircuts as well.

So instead of showing up for the appointment I have with Rodney after work today armed with these two pictures of Elisha and Michelle, I'm going to postpone my trim a couple of weeks and see if my fondness for boy-hair is sincere or simply a passing fancy brought on by listening to too much god damn Snow Patrol.

Sienna's loveliness parade has a hiccup

After what was an entirely too long hiatus from the public eye, Sienna is finally back and looking F-I-N-E in a I-couldn't-pull-it-off-but-it-looks-good-on-her ensemble at the launch of the new Calvin Klein fragrance in New York City last night.

The gold lamé slip dress over black leggings with black almond-toed Louboutians is an effortless look, and by effortless I mean she's wearing pretty much the three most easily identifiable trends of 2006 all in the same outfit: metallics, leggings and platform heels.

Were it someone like Eva Longoria, Rebecca Romijn or Carmen Electra donning this outfit, I'd be more lenient, but the truth is, this is a lazy downgrade from the nothing short of triumphant wardrobe choices Ms. Miller showed off during her whirlwind of Factory Girl premieres. There's no doubt about it, all of these components flatter her perfect chest, glowing skin and just-short-of-too-thin frame, but nothing about any of them makes this a true Sienna look. I could just as easily picture bottled-style girls like Haylie Duff or Michelle Trachtenberg putting this together.

Next time, Sienna, try and put as much or more effort into your clothes as you do your exquisite eye makeup.