"Damn, those are nice calves..." aren't typically the first five words that pop into my head when I see a woman, famous or not, in heels and a skirt.
But when I saw this picture, I thought just that. Twice. And then said it out loud.
In part because of my tremendously high standards, in part because I'm territorial - you don't see Scarlett gushing over Lucy Pinder's rack, J.Lo swooning over Jessica Biel's ass or Sienna Miller carrying on about Hilary's Duff's eye makeup, after all - I don't tend to recognize nor reward the shapeliness, strength or overall perfection of a pair of calves unless they're attached to my own body. My justification for this is the same as why I so infrequently tuck dollar bills into thongs at Camelot -- the ladies haven't earned it.
But in this case, despite the frigid humorless bitch to whom these calves are attached, I cannot deny praise where praise is due, and here, in this black asymmetric off-the-shoulder Oscar de la Renta dress, in these patent-leather platform heels, and at this angle, this 37-year-old mother of two (and avid runner) has what I am now anointing, "the best calves in the business."
Though I fear she's unaware she peaked back in 1986 with her performance in every middle school kid's favorite indoor-recess film and has since been on a decline that can't be half as painful for her to experience as it was for us to sit through (think shitbombs like The Rockateer, Dark Water and especially A Beautiful Mind), at least she can proudly show her kids these pictures.
And then she can go back to saving the world one Blood Diamond, one hybrid minivan, one Hillary Clinton fundraiser at at time.
