Eye candy of the week

She may drink her own breast milk and be the kind to leave a Post-It in her friend's apartment reminding her to recycle, but with her asymmetrically shaved pixie and super lean runway frame, 24 year old Claire from NYC was the easy choice to be my prized pony for this, the tenth (!) installment of "America's Next Top Model."

Here, a video introduction:

It's so true what they say about typecasting. Luke Perry and Jennie Garth have grown up, gotten married, raised children, ridden bulls and danced the cha-cha-cha, but try as I may, these two together, even at some random event called "Chevy Rocks!", will always make me think first and foremost of Kelly's face after Brenda skewered her (in front of Dylan!) with the classic, "I was always taught that if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck…"

HRL, take note, Rihanna at last night's Brit Awards is your eye makeup blueprint for my "Jumpsuit Mandatory" birthday celebration. Tick tock, woman, get to practicing!

After enduring four straight days of not being able to avoid Lindsay Lohan's painfully unsexy attempt at recreating Marilyn's "Last Sitting" (not to mention her mother's insufferable interviews pertaining thereto), I've come up with an idea.

How about we take this young curvy thing here...
And make some Jayne Mansfield magic?
My favorite photo of Scott's this week captured all that I love about a well-dressed man: fitted, formal, polished and neat. The yellow accent of eccentricity, the silvery tousle and the Gucci boutique backdrop certainly don't hurt, either...

After I figure out the genesis behind Tommaso Aquilano and Roberto Rimondi's decision to anoint themselves "6267," I'm going to place at the tippy top of my wishlist their breathtaking take on the perfect formal showpiece coat.Or at least let it share top billing with this front-draped, skinny-cinched Bottega Veneta sheath...
...and this tiered one-sleeve Marni blouse peeking out from under this structured coat, which, if there's room, I might slide somewhere else in my top 10.
I know presidential politics are and should be rooted in substance, but let's suspend reason for a second and imagine how cool it would be if our First Family looked like this instead of this?

My ticket on the Megan Fox Express has long since expired -she's just too one-dimensional is what it comes down to- but holy wow, that's one hard to miss rib tatt she's got there. I don't really care what it says (if you do, click here), I'm just in awe of a woman with that little protective fat who chose the most painful part of the body on which to have a needle create not just a small fairy or the Chinese character for "serenity" but something of the that-must've-taken-a-good-45-minutes variety. Color me impressed, MegFo.

10 reasons to love Natalie Portman

10. This crinkled-satin lucite-halter mini by Lanvin (charity event, 2007)

9. She loves dogs, America and evening sandals all in the same breath

8. She brings out a healthy dose of humility in every woman

7. She turned down ScarJo's breakout role

6. She has a degree (I said I was an education-ist)

5. She left Jude Law's cheating ass in Closer

4. This movie. Her character. That airport ending.

3. No one rocks make-up free and bald more beautifully

2. This gunmetal plunge gown by Lanvin (Academy Awards, 2005)

1. She spits dirtier rhyme than Bubba Sparxx

5 best evening eyes of the Spring semester

Natalie Portman (Paris je t'aime premiere)

Hilary Duff (Dignity release party) Katie Holmes (Vanity Fair post-Oscar party) Katherine McPhee (TRL appearance)Sienna Miller (BAFTA Awards)

Sienna's loveliness parade has a hiccup

After what was an entirely too long hiatus from the public eye, Sienna is finally back and looking F-I-N-E in a I-couldn't-pull-it-off-but-it-looks-good-on-her ensemble at the launch of the new Calvin Klein fragrance in New York City last night.

The gold lamé slip dress over black leggings with black almond-toed Louboutians is an effortless look, and by effortless I mean she's wearing pretty much the three most easily identifiable trends of 2006 all in the same outfit: metallics, leggings and platform heels.

Were it someone like Eva Longoria, Rebecca Romijn or Carmen Electra donning this outfit, I'd be more lenient, but the truth is, this is a lazy downgrade from the nothing short of triumphant wardrobe choices Ms. Miller showed off during her whirlwind of Factory Girl premieres. There's no doubt about it, all of these components flatter her perfect chest, glowing skin and just-short-of-too-thin frame, but nothing about any of them makes this a true Sienna look. I could just as easily picture bottled-style girls like Haylie Duff or Michelle Trachtenberg putting this together.

Next time, Sienna, try and put as much or more effort into your clothes as you do your exquisite eye makeup.

The anti-Eva eye-makeup

Remember what I said about equilibrium, how for every woman in skinny-heeled peeptoes, a fabulous wrapdress and just so sideswept bangs there is her block-heeled pilgrim-buckled pump, boxy sheath, Mom bob counterpart?

Upon seeing Eva's lure-me-to-the-other-side cat-eye and now Christina's frightening circus face, I understand this concept holds true in the world of celebrity makeup as well.

Click at your own risk, but I should warn you, in addition to seeing up close the psychedelic color wheel painted on her face, you'll get a mouthful of arm hair thick as a day laborer's.

Eva Mendes has great...eye makeup

To get this eye done just right would take hours of practice, a Chanel-or-better liquid eyeliner, and an intensely steady hand.

It'll surely invite the Republicans, scare away the Democrats, and incur bitchy stares from any woman who's remotely proper. It'll take years off your educational background, insinuate a proclivity for unethical behavior, and even though it's entirely District-inappropriate, if I'm still feeling Eva's take on the Edie-Sedgwick-eye this Saturday, I'm SO having L draw me up some of this sexiness.

Because the exaggerated cat-eye is the equivalent of gratuitious cleavage on the affecting-men-down-there scale, one would need to wear a fitted but not revealing ensemble to offset its severity. Perhaps my new black frilly-front halter with black skinny jeans and red suede almond-toeds? Perhaps an understated, pouf-sleeved minidress with platform heels?

Once the outfit is locked down, there's still the little problem of venue. Where in DC could a woman wear such meeeoww makeup, lounge about with a Bellini and not be completely - and simultaneously, according to persuasion - mauled and ostracized? Black Cat? 9:30 Club? Round Robin?

Reader suggestions are warmly welcomed on this front.

And just because it's fun to look at hot women, here's another photo of Eva's impressive eye makeup from the new issue of DT Magazine.

Upon closer look

I now think it was Bridget Moynahan's perfectly applied eye-makeup, not her dress, that stole the spotlight at her Gray Matters premiere over the weekend.

Maybe this explains why Heather Graham went in for such a close inspection...

Ladies, do as I plan to do and print this photo out on high-quality paper and tape it next to your side mirror in preparation for the next time you have a Shu-Uemara evening out on the town at Off the Record, Town & Country, Round Robin or any of the other DC haunts worthy of hosting a $20 false lash set with mod-feathering detail.

Actually, scratch that, you don't need to wait. This eye could easily be toned down to make the office-appropriate cut. If you nix the false lashes (painful as that is to write), draw a tighter, thinner line with your black pencil, and hold back a little on the kohl smudge, you should be all set.

Just don't forget to top-off this look with a shiny bare lip.

Only a trouble-seeking harlot would consider coloring her pout red for work.