Puffy-sleeve silk blouse by Fendi
$1,220 at eluxury.com
28 February 2007
After searching without success for a burgundy tulip miniskirt through the better part of the two-hour eighth season premiere of 'America's Next Top Model,' I took a deep breath, unclicked "red" on the color search prompts on all 14 websites I had open, and made an executive decision to place the higher premium on matching the silhouette, not the color palette, of my coveted Prada dress.
That being said, here is my reasonably-priced interpretation of Ms. Washington's look:
And if the devil threw in the Brian Atwood round-toeds, I might even sell my minidress collection, too.
After seeing Kerry Washington's Miuccia-designed dress and clutch at last week's Independent Spirit Awards, I'm now even more inclined to type in the keywords "sell" "soul" and "Prada" into the Google search prompt.
Though they look like distinct entities - a cream satin shell and burgundy tulip mini - this is actually a runway-modified two-toned dress from Prada's Spring/Summer 2007 collection.
It's sophisticated, it's prim, and with the simple black, round-toed patent-leather Brian Atwood pumps, it's a look that could easily be pulled off in our buttoned-up city.
It's also an ensemble that could easily be replicated for a price friendlier to my meager military analyst budget.
To see me recreate this Prada and Brian Atwood outfit for a whole lot less, login later tonight.
I gave him as fierce and obvious an up-and-down as I could in my shocked state so he wouldn't only sense but also see how aghast I was at his footwear choice. Then, I looked in his distressed leather satchel, half expecting to find a Third Eye Blind Greatest Hits album and an issue of Practical Male magazine dog-eared at the "How to make a woman not want you" article. As I scanned past his brown-bag lunch and ridiculously large population of highlighters, I stopped, frozen.
27 February 2007
Whether you need a supplemental bag for gym clothes, your laptop, or the frosted, be-sprinkled sugar cookies you made "just 'cause" for your office-mates, please PLEASE leave the canvas monogrammed tote to the mall-walkers and late-night QVC addicts for whom these awful bags, along with their garish Paula Abdul-designed hammered aluminum multi-stone earrings and Quacker Factory embroidered tracksuits are their most stylish outfit components.
Instead, try one of those below.
And if the one you select ends up not being large enough to accommodate your shoes, just do like I do and tie-'em and throw-'em over the straps of your daybag -- I've found this to be an amazingly effective solicitor of oh-you-like-to-work-out-too? male attention.
Not that I'm at all promoting women should relish flattery based on superficial trappings. Gosh, that would set women back a few decades, wouldn't it?
While I go admire my good heart and big vocabulary in the mirror, please enjoy browsing my picks for secondary daybags:
Top to bottom:
1. Quilted double strap bag ($29.99 at urbanoutfitters.com)
2. Framed Emily tote ($39.99 at urbanoutfitters.com)
3. Braid trimmed tote by Xhiliaration ($19.99 at target.com)
4. Belted tote by Merona ($24.99 at target.com)
5. East/West tote by Kathy Van Zeeland ($92.95 at zappos.com)
6. Cheyenne NS tote by Tommy Hilfiger ($72.95 at zappos.com)
7. Oversized paneled shopper (£25 at asos.com)
8. “R you with me?” tote by Kenneth Cole ($68 at macys.com)
9. Nolita tote in Lippicat pink by LeSportsac ($56 at lesportsac.com)
10. Zip top shopper in silver black ($46 at lesportsac.com)
Daryl Hannah's busted-face spewed this nonsense yesterday:
I'm guessing the other things Daryl's most proud of are her success in pulling off the man-tuck for 46 straight years, coming thisclose to ruining Wall Street, and at her best, being the poor man's Laura Dern.
In her defense, it could very well be the hormone treatments from her stage-3 gender reassignment making her so darn ornery.
Scarlett wasn't there.
Sienna wasn't there.
Natalie wasn't there.
Out of my five perennial red carpet favorites, only two - Cate and Penelope - showed up to show off at this year's Academy Awards.
What's even more disappointing than not getting to gaze at Scarlett's heaving chest, Sienna's glorious back and Natalie's perfect face, however, is the recent photographic evidence I've come across that shows Natalie may be losing her style touch.
And if she's not careful, her spot in my top five as well.
I'm all for Philip K. Dick-inspired risks like this and this, but when you show up to Georgio Armani's Armani Privé pre-Oscar party/fashion show in a cheap-looking LBD with Bedazzler detailing and ankle strap shoes, both of which I'm pretty sure I saw at Delia's - and then on two girls at my 1994 and 1995 Homecoming and Sadie Hawkins dances, respectively - you are click-click-clicking on very thin fashion ice.
If that weren't bad enough (which it is), the next night at the Vanity Fair Oscar after-party at Morton's, Natalie showed up once again strapped up in leg-shortening ankle-strap heels and a wrong-as-can-be, busy-as-hell LBD with side pleats made from a different material than the body of the dress, some kind of butterfly-looking neckline, and a waist-cinch that wasn't doing its job and that made the itty-bitty actress look like a 28 when she's really a 25.
Eva Mendes is waiting in the wings, Natalie. Tread carefully...
26 February 2007
Even though most women of my generation consider a pair of well-fitted, dark-wash premium jeans to be just as formal as crosshatch-tweed trousers, it's still the case that most workplaces adhere to a "no denim" policy.
Even on Fridays.
With denim out, what is a casual, comfort-seeking DC woman to wear below the belt?
Corduroys, like khakis, are too high school for any self-respecting 22-and-over to wear to the office. Linen is just too Puerto Vallarta for an urban setting, not to mention that it wrinkles like a bitch. What about terry cloth, sweatpant material or nylon track pants?
You're right, now I'm just mocking.
Since I'm very much not a woman who thinks about comfort when she makes any kind of clothing purchase, and the only considerations I have when picking out a pair of pants are price (for jeans, under $160; for trousers, under $200), length (must be long enough to wear with my 4.5-inch heels) and whether the pair in question makes my ass look as fantastic as it is, the task of putting together a collection of casual, comfortable pants was a bit outside my immediate expertise.
Begrudgingly, I imagined myself in a pair of cuffed, pleated Dockers, looked down, and thought, "Why would I wear these?"
Versatility? Thriftiness? A desire to wear the bottom half of my 7th grade choir uniform? An adversity to looking female?
I tried to meet all of these standards when selecting the trousers below.
Well, not the last one.
Or the second one.
Okay, fine, I only considered versatility.
Below are my picks for the best non-denim alternatives to khaki pants:
Top to bottom:
1. Skinny fit zip pants by GAP ($29.99 at gap.com)
2. Ocean liner trousers by Poleci ($98 at anthropologie.com)
3. Bartolomeu trousers ($118 at anthropologie.com)
4. Contoured trouser-leg chino pant ($78 at bananarepublic.com)
5. Tabatha wide-leg pant by BCBG Max Azria ($218 at bloomingdales.com)
6. Cotton sateen pant by BCBG Max Azria ($118 at macys.com)
7. Cross dye Lindsay bootleg ($88 at anntaylor.com)
8. Peg leg pant by Karen Zambos Vintage ($89.10 at shopbop.com)
I wasn't crazy about this '80s-pink column dress with extended-keyhole back the first time I saw it saunter down Oscar de la Renta's runway at Bryant Park two weeks ago.
Likewise, I wasn't crazy about it when I disappointingly realized my muse was making her Oscar presenter debut in it last night.
But now, from this angle, well, all I can say is that the side-boob makes all the difference.
Her choice still isn't on par with Nicole's or Cate's, but indisputable evidence that her breasts don't need support almost cancels out that sheen-depleted frizz-puff on her head and that pink lemonade Lip Smackers gloss on her lips.
And no, these pictures aren't identical. If you look really closely - I mean, get your face right in there - you'll see that the first photo shows about two centimeters more curvature of her left lady bit than the second.
Plus, I like the coy uh-huh-they're-that-great look she's got on her face in the latter photo.
After hours of fruitless searching, here, finally, is a picture of the scooped-out back of Gwyneth's apricot-hued Zac Posen gown (plus, a couple of closeups of the impressive fit and the detailing on the front):
25 February 2007
Gratuitous, I know, but how adorable are we?
Don't worry, I let him take the tux off as soon as the photo shoot ended and gave him a puppy-safe treat from Mommy's ridiculously lavish Oscar buffet as compensation for his cooperation.
(photo credit goes to L, my steadfast snarky celebrity-watching partner)
These aren't in any particular order, mainly because I couldn't decide between Kirsten Dunst in Chanel and Beyoncé in Armani Privé not only whose dress was the bigger mistake but also who most egregiously grandstanded their worst feature.
Wonky teeth or knees the size of basketballs -- you decide.
And no, I don't feel bad for including 10 year old sweet-as-berry-pie Abigail Breslin in this group. The bodice of her dress looks like one of the planters from my Malibu Barbie pool house. I expected more from her handlers.
The biggest disappointment of the night is Anne Hathaway's black and white WTF Valentino gown. After On Demand-ing The Devil Wears Prada for the third time today, I figured she would be in my top five, maybe even crack the top three, but nuh-uh, not in this column dress with white lace overlay and awkwardly large black bow that is smack dab in front of - and prohibitively blocking - Ms. Hathaway's spectacular rack.
And then there's Jada Pinkett-Smith in her brassy-gold strapless corseted Carolina Herrera number. I wouldn't hate this dress as much if it was on a less annoying woman and didn't have those two superfluous miniature bows on the bodice. Actually, I'm pretty sure she'd end up in my bottom five no matter what she wore.
She's that annoying.