'Cause it's been a while.

Contrary to what my patient devotion for a certain individual has taught me, I suppose good things can come to those who wait. That was my first reaction, anyway, to these much-awaited photos of my number two lady love, Ms. Dita von Teese, who looked glamorous and elegant and delectable as ever at celebrity blogger Perez Hilton's birthday party last night in Las Vegas at The Palms' Moon Nightclub.

Gwyneth Paltrow, Laura Linney, Rachel McAdams, Christina Ricci -- all of these women buck Hollywood's tanorexic trend by spending 12 months out of 12 months without a hint of sun-kissed color. While I've always recognized and envied their willpower to remain pale, it wasn't until I began crushing on Dita, a fellow Michigander I've recently discovered, that a woman with a penchant for alabaster skin has made me seriously consider cutting back a few hours a week on my summer-time bronzing efforts.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely sold on the idea of beach umbrellas and SPF 45, but I also can't deny the drama in the contrast between Teese-me's white skin and red lips and her white skin and the black of her deep-plunge long-sleeve Rita-esque cocktail dress. The red-on-white-on-black elevates her look to a level of high-class old-world sophistication someone with the same standout figure with a Mystic Tan - or even a natural, well-earned Maui tan - could never achieve.

Unfortunately for the health of my sun-addicted skin, I could only read about her famously saucy "Birds of Paradise" burlesque performance; had I actually been able to see how her skin looked firsthand against a blood red crystal-encrusted chest-baring bustier, I'm near positive it would have been enough to motivate me to throw out my five bikinis, jumbo bottle of SuperStars Super Sheen Bronzing Mist ($18 at sephora.com) and the coupon magnet-ed to my fridge for a free 10-minute helix session at Solar Planet on 21st and P.

I think I might actually like her now.

Wearing the apricot-hued, fresh-off-the-Fall/Winter-runway, spiderweb-detailed Zac Posen gown to last Sunday's Oscars was Gwyneth's first step in reclaiming the affection I lost for her after she became London's second most annoying mother and U-S-of-A hater.

But this picture, oh goodness, this definitely counts as victories two through ten!

Any woman who slides up to a gym in 4-inch heels (even if they do look a bit Mephisto-esque) while carrying her running shoes nonchalantly in one hand is the kind of woman with whom I'd like to kick back and gab over High Lifes and a plate of vegetarian nachos and take a daytrip to New York solely to purchase false eyelashes at the Shu Uemura flagship store.

As long as I don't think about the $5.75 and 110 minutes I still want back after watching her give an even-worse-than-Winona-Ryder performance in my favorite poet's biopic, I think Gwyn and I will make this new relationship work just fine.

Give it a chance

After hours of fruitless searching, here, finally, is a picture of the scooped-out back of Gwyneth's apricot-hued Zac Posen gown (plus, a couple of closeups of the impressive fit and the detailing on the front):

Best five

My far and away favorite on the red carpet tonight is Nicole Kidman in her cherry red Balenciaga halter gown. The bold color is perfect, the simple cut and form-fitted drape are perfect, and the drama of the exaggerated bow and red metallic trim are startlingly unexpected but still, perfect.

Put simply, she looks just as a Hollywood starlet should.

If I had to choose four others and it wasn't an option to simply say Nicole's name four more times, I'd have to give nods in the direction of Cate Blanchett in another liquid metal Armani Privé column gown, the stylish unit I wouldn't mind getting in between that is Daniel Craig and Satsuki Mitchell, J.Lo in a I-thought-I-hated-it-but-I-actually-kinda-love-it empire waisted jewel-tastic Marchesa gown, and finally, Gwyneth Paltrow in her gauzy apricot, please-check-out-the-back-before-you-judge-it Zac Posen confection.

Enjoy.