Instead of khakis...

Even though most women of my generation consider a pair of well-fitted, dark-wash premium jeans to be just as formal as crosshatch-tweed trousers, it's still the case that most workplaces adhere to a "no denim" policy.

Even on Fridays.

With denim out, what is a casual, comfort-seeking DC woman to wear below the belt?

Corduroys, like khakis, are too high school for any self-respecting 22-and-over to wear to the office. Linen is just too Puerto Vallarta for an urban setting, not to mention that it wrinkles like a bitch. What about terry cloth, sweatpant material or nylon track pants?

You're right, now I'm just mocking.

Since I'm very much not a woman who thinks about comfort when she makes any kind of clothing purchase, and the only considerations I have when picking out a pair of pants are price (for jeans, under $160; for trousers, under $200), length (must be long enough to wear with my 4.5-inch heels) and whether the pair in question makes my ass look as fantastic as it is, the task of putting together a collection of casual, comfortable pants was a bit outside my immediate expertise.

Begrudgingly, I imagined myself in a pair of cuffed, pleated Dockers, looked down, and thought, "Why would I wear these?"

Versatility? Thriftiness? A desire to wear the bottom half of my 7th grade choir uniform? An adversity to looking female?

I tried to meet all of these standards when selecting the trousers below.

Well, not the last one.

Or the second one.

Okay, fine, I only considered versatility.

Below are my picks for the best non-denim alternatives to khaki pants:

Top to bottom:

1. Skinny fit zip pants by GAP ($29.99 at gap.com)

2. Ocean liner trousers by Poleci ($98 at anthropologie.com)

3. Bartolomeu trousers ($118 at anthropologie.com)

4. Contoured trouser-leg chino pant ($78 at bananarepublic.com)

5. Tabatha wide-leg pant by BCBG Max Azria ($218 at bloomingdales.com)

6. Cotton sateen pant by BCBG Max Azria ($118 at macys.com)

7. Cross dye Lindsay bootleg ($88 at anntaylor.com)

8. Peg leg pant by Karen Zambos Vintage ($89.10 at shopbop.com)

Unless you're wearing a polo with your company's logo on it

And working a table at a trade show, let's leave the khaki pants where they belong -- on the man's side of the closet.

Or in the plastic bin marked "Halloween Costumes."

I know, I know, just yesterday I was singing the praises of Out of Africa's dungaree chic, but there is a difference between - and separate standards for - functional khaki and non-functional khaki.

I have no problem with the former, though the day you hear me say, "Do we have enough water and mosquito netting for the weekend?" is not one I anticipate any time soon.

Non-functional khakis, the ones you slip on when you're too paunchy to fit into your less forgiving denim, are a lazy form of casual trousers. They're hardly ever a good fit in the leg, nearly always cut too short at the hem, often held up by an equally atrocious braided leather belt, and can even give a petite, slender woman like the one I saw this morning head into the Caribou Coffee on 18th and M, a balloon-seat.

And khakis with heels? Why don't you just get the Asian mom bob, slip on a size medium Talbots twin-set in a sensible color and add "Desperate Housewives" to your Tivo Season Pass?

Alternatives to the non-functional khaki pant to come later today.