20 February 2007

Equilibrium

I'm not saying the young woman deserved what she got.

Not really.

But I certainly wasn't going to slacken my pace and offer my Tide-to-go stick to someone who just moments prior to spilling the better part of her vanilla Slim Fast all over herself had given me an unreasonably, undeservedly cool glare at the intersection of 15th and M.

It was the kind of glare a suit-and-sneakers girl - a wide-pinstriped-suit-and-crosstrainers girl - makes a habit of throwing at women in 4-inch, round-toed, brown croc, Mary Jane stilettos with deconstructed sidebows simply because they remind her of how proletariat she looks carrying her half-inch, block-heeled, square-toed (I'm assuming) slides in the front flap of her black-floral quilted fempack.

I'm not saying you should refuse the free bag with your three-greeting-card purchase, I'm just saying there does exist an implicit understanding you're not actually supposed to take it outside of the subdivision -- even if it's in the backseat of your sensibly-priced, character-free Japanese four-door.

Bag aside, this woman immediately struck me as the type who would proudly wear the smell of ineffective liquid meal replacement as a badge of anti-vanity rather than duck into the nearby Ann Taylor to swap her soiled top for a crisp, final-clearance button-up, and so I thought better about donating to her the 20% off coupon I'd tucked into my hardcover on my way out the door this morning.

I have to remind myself sometimes that the end-goal of this blog is not to transform everyone in DC but rather to reach as close a model of dynamic equilibrium, fashion-wise, as possible.

For every Scarlett Johanssen there must be a Beyoncé, for every Cate Blanchett a Jessica Simpson, and for every Penelope Cruz/Salma Hayek, yes, even a crawfish-faced Kirsten Dunst.

It's science. Le Chatelier proved it:

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I had to laugh out loud when I read the Hallmark allusion. It's SO true.

That Vera Bradly sh*t is hideous.

dc girl said...

I've noticed that, too, about the sneaker-wearers. They shoot dirty looks to those of us who have the capability to get around in heels for long distances.

Don't worry, they get a faceful of my "dont hate the playa" attitude!

brown rowergirl said...

Even Penelope + Salma does not equal enough beauty to counter Kiki Drunkst's disgusting-ness. I'd sooner do Frodo than that Gollum lookalike.

Johanna said...

Rowergirl, you're SO right. Even if we added Eva Mendes to the hot latina mix, Kiki's snaggletoothed mouth and pasty skin would still trump them.

Anonymous said...

Some women look attractive enough that they feel confident wearing athletic shoes while working to work and then changing into proper shoes. Is this so bad? I don't fault women who wear heels around the city, but I do not want to do it. I also don't need it since I'm already tall and thin. I think heels help women most who are short to avg and pudgy to avg.

Johanna said...

Anonymous,

You have to understand, half of what I write is tongue and cheek. Surely, I don't believe walking to work in athletic shoes can make or break a woman in terms of her attractiveness, but I *do* believe there are options available to us (ballet flats, slim, thin-soled fashion sneakers, etc.) that look a little more ladylike than bulky white crosstrainers. Whether or not it's right or wrong is up to the individual; whether or not it's attractive or unattractive is a fact, however -- it's the latter.

Kate Moss in a size 8 Talbots skirtsuit with block heeled pilgrim shoes would still be more attractive than any woman in DC, but does that make it a reasonable choice? Maybe in your book.

Not in mine.

Thanks for reading!

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