10 tips for avoiding seasonally dry skin

For the past two weeks, I've been thinking and thinking and really thinking about a cute, quirky title for the post I knew I'd be writing soon on how to avoid the Winter dry-out.

After going through iteration after iteration, playing with word couplings, coming up with fun-to-say alliterative combinations and running through the potential plays on words using various forms of cold-weather onomatopoeia, I decided enough was enough and that this post, with or without a quirky title, needed to be published. And by the looks of it, Ms. Flaky von Dryington, my sage advice on this subject couldn't have come at a more critical time.

So, in a very sobering, straightforward fashion, here are 10 tips I strongly recommend you follow to avoid the Winter flakes.

The skin flakes. Get it?

(clearing throat)

Without further ado...

1. Take warm (not hot) showers and baths

2. Use a lotion-infused or gel-based soap like this

3. Reduce body exfoliation to at most once per week

4. Pat yourself dry with a plush towel, don't wipe dry with a rough-textured one

5. As always, moisturize from head-to-toe immediately out of the shower

6. Swap your regular body lotion for a more intense formula like this or this

7. Keep travel-size bottles of this more intense formula in your desk at work and in every handbag you regularly use (NEVER scratch -- just rub some into your skin to relieve the itch)

8. Increase your full-body moisturizing regiment from two to three times a day (I tend to apply before work, when I return home and just before bed)

9. Slip on something made of a natural, soft-to-the-touch material that will act as a barrier between your skin and the nubby wool of your turtleneck or the rough texture of your jeans

10. If your skin is still dry after following tips 1-9, don't be too proud to see a dermatologist for a more medically informed perspective on the situation. We all go at one point or another.

If it's the only McQueen I ever own, I'll still die happy

As you well know, I don't make a habit of recommending eyeliners, bronzers and other beauty enhancers on ASJiNE, in part because I myself am not a rabid consumer of such items but also because I believe makeup, more so than clothing, is a personal decision over which an outsider who presumably has a different skintype, different set of facial features and a different overall preferred "look" should have minimal influence.

That being said, I couldn't keep mum much longer on just how in love I am with my new Alexander McQueen for M·A·C LipGlass in "Nothingless." Without hesitation, I can say this is far and away the best clear lip gloss I have ever tried.

It's sparkle-free, it sticks hard to your lips (no gooey-ing around), it's perfectly clear, which lends itself as both a clean base-shine (my preference) or as an added "wet" dimension when placed atop an existing color (as the designer opted for during his runway show), and best of all, unlike the limited-edition-ness of it, this gloss lasts -- like, really, really lasts.

And at only $14, it's probably the only chance many of us will ever get to experience the loveliness of Mssr. McQueen.

Finally, the first colors of Fall have arrived!

Aside from having to set an alarm after a too-short two-day respite, my least favorite Monday morning exercise is opening up my Microsoft Outlook and seeing four or five pesky "reminder" boxes pop up and alert me to the fact that I have two early morning meetings, a double-booked lunch and a happy hour with that World Bank guy I met on the street to whom I was too nice and somewhere in between telling him, yes, I did realize my dress was chic and answering his inane question about how I was able to pull off the "hot and smart 'look'" so effortlessly, agreed to meet at McCormick & Schmick's for a drink.

My scowl growing more pronounced with each "dismiss" click through, I thought to myself, "Great, this is going to be a really f**king great way to start the week."

But then, totally unexpectedly, the last of my five reminders sent my curled bottom lip straight back out into its default pleased-with-life pout.

Today, according to the little blue-on-grey-on-white box, is the day OPI releases its new Russian-inspired Fall 2007 Collection.

наконец-то!

Though I always keep my fingers polish-free from May 31st through September 1st both to give my nails a rest from the abuse they endure the other eight months of the year and because I love the look of tan hands against clear, healthy nail-beds, looking at so-dark-they're-almost-black colors like "Midnight in Moscow," "Russian Navy," "Boris & Natasha" and "St. Peters Burgundy" are tempting me to break with tradition and give Jennifer at PIAF a quick "Can you please fit me in today?" call.

I have a sneaking feeling that just like the Deliciously Dark collection from last year, these richly mixed and reasonably priced polishes will go quickly (yes, even in DC), so get that задница in gear, head over to any nail salon that doesn't require its aestheticians wear surgical masks and pick up your favorite color(s) today!

The entire collection:*

(L to R: Midnight in Moscow, Siberian Nights, Russian Navy, Suzi Says 'Da!')
(L to R: St. Peters Burgundy, An Affair in Red Square, Vodka & Caviar, Ruble For Your Thoughts)

(L to R: Boris & Natasha, Catherine the Grape, Kreme de la Kremlin, Cosmo-Not Tonight, Honey)

*photos courtesy of www.alllacqueredup.com

Makeup *does* matter

As an educated and empathetic member of our politically correct society, I'm supposed to think women of all sizes are equally beautiful, women who wear certain items of clothing regardless of their size deserve "you go, girl!" approval and all attempts at au naturel from the neck-up are to be lauded for their refreshing this-is-me realness.

I'm not going near that first one (not today, anyway) and you know well my "earn it first" view on the second, which leaves me to opine on the seemingly ubiquitous-in-DC contagion I like to refer to as the "I think I don't need makeup" face.

Look at Chloë Sevigny above in her fancy green Balenciaga party dress at this year's Costume Institute Gala. Whether you favor or frown upon her frock is immaterial to the argument at hand, what matters is that we all agree this is indeed not a casual event, not a casual style selection and her casual barely-there makeup palette not only looks curiously out of place but in fact distracts from the glamour going on down below.

What a difference some sheer gloss, a thicker coat of mascara, a subtle swipe of under-eye concealer and a touch of peachy cheek stain would've made.


Now let's take a look at the other end of the spectrum.

Though I make a point not to pick on pregnant women, since Christina hasn't officially acknowledged her growing bump, I feel in the clear to use her - here, in all her painted-lady glory - as an example of how too much makeup, especially in a casual tank-top setting, has the same disconcerting, distracting effect as a naked face in tandem with a ball gown.

As much as Chloë and Christina's makeup mismatches bring a frustrated, "Why? Why would you do that?" furrow to my recently threaded brow, what I saw yesterday evening on my way home from work far surpassed either one in the WTF category.

It's a rare occasion when a woman in the NW corridor catches and holds my attention, but last night around 6:15, I found myself going out of my way to remain a few strides behind a beautifully sculpted female, the likes of which I had not seen in-person in many, many months. Tall and athletic with thick, chestnut Pantene-commercial hair, a perfect pop of ass and killer legs, this woman, from behind, was not just head-turning but rather the exact image conjured in my head each time I'm tempted to reach for the Edy's Slow-Churned instead of my running shoes.

Beyond her physique, however, there was even more over which to fawn, namely the just right drape of her light grey heather skirt suit over her hips and shoulders - two geographical locations women in this city hardly ever get right - and her simple, elegant black three-inch round-toed stiletto pumps. Clearly, I thought to myself, this was a woman who takes pride in earning her shape and goes to great pains to wear clothes to flatter the fruits of her WSC labors.

After walking five blocks out of my way and realizing, no thanks to the haunting lyrics and melody of "Wicked Game" that what I was doing might be considered, oh, I don't know, stalking, I decided I would at the next intersection shoot her a quick, I-like-what-you're-sellin' smile, turn left and head home.

But no sooner had Chris Isaak faded into Feist that I reached that next intersection, found myself shoulder-to-shoulder with my girl-crush and immediately felt my heart drop clear to the curb.

It's not that she was a butta face - quite the opposite - but despite her cute nose, sterling eyes and sun-kissed color, this otherwise polished, put-together, professional woman wasn't wearing a single stitch of makeup. And believe me when I say this spare approach was not in her best interest. An oily T-zone, deep, dark circles beneath her eyes, a patch of reddish acne on her chin and and another on her left jawline -- this woman looked like any and all of us do in the morning, but the difference was, she actually stepped out of her home without any attempt to cover up or blend away her very common, very easily minimized skin imperfections.

You'll never hear me chide a woman for the au naturel look on the weekends or after work (or on my friend E, who can truly pull off the just-woke-up look), but Monday through Friday, yeah, I think it's part and parcel of looking professional to even out your skintone and try to look as fresh and presentable as possible. Like I believe an ill-fitting or office-inappropriate ensemble detracts from your delivery in the board room, I also assert that an "I think I don't need makeup" face can be just as egregious - and just as avoidable - an offense.

So just as I advise you to engage in an honest self-evaluation of your body before you slip on that cute halter top ("Do I have the back for this?"), pair of short shorts ("Do I have the legs for this?") or strapless dress ("Do I have the shoulders and rack for this?"), I also encourage you to do the same with the reflection staring back at you in the mirror ("Do I have the kind of skin that doesn't need any help?").

You can't bring the E.T. eyes to work

Heart wrenching but necessary you-initiated breakup?

Bad date that made you wish you hadn't initiated the breakup?

Bump into ex-boyfriend's new f**kpuppet too soon after the breakup?

Watch this scene over and over again, mentally superimposing his face over Big's and yours over Carrie's?

Well, whatever it was - no matter how objectively big or small - that caused you to blow through half a family-size box of Puffs Plus with Lotion last night, you have got to do damage control before that sun rises, that alarm rings and that 9am client meeting files into the conference room adjacent to your office.

I know, believe me, I know, after a marathon evening of nose-blowing and tear-streaked cheeks, all you want to do is wash your face, brush your teeth, brush your dog's teeth, moisturize and go to bed, but the thing is, you can't, because as a professional woman, going to work the following day with E.T. eyes like the ones I'm sporting above just isn't an option.

How then to fight the post-cry puff?

1. Get it all out -- don't cry in bed
2. Wash your face immediately with cool water
3. Pat the water off, don't wipe
4. Moisturize your face as usual
5. Cut two slices of raw potato and place under eyes for 15 minutes
6. Cut two more slices and place above eyes for 15 minutes
7. After eyes have been potatoed, apply undereye cream
8. Go to sleep
9. In the morning, repeat steps 2-7
10. Avoid salt the entire next day

And finally, make sure to have a moisturizing undereye concealer and a good answer for the inevitable, "are you okay?" questions you'll get from all the men in the office who've been crossing their fingers all year for the day you'd come in with the red, puffy, we-finally-broke-up eyes.

10 must haves for a beautiful Summer

10. Nothing is sexier than a toned, tanned pair of pins -- except for a toned, tanned pair of pins shined to the hilt with this very subtle glimmer oil. Did I mention it smells like gingerlily?

($45 at all Blue Mercury locations)

9. Whether you sit in the sun or not, this bronzer will give you that desirable natural sunkissed look we're all after. What sets this bronzer apart is its touch of gold shimmer and its SPF 15.

($28 at stilacosmetics.com)

8. Because Summer is sandal season, you'll need your feet to be as presentable as possible. If you're like I am and can only justify the price of a pedicure every four or five pay periods, get this great foot soak, a pumice stone and do it yourself, girl!

($26 at skinstore.com)

7. I advocate a year-round no-more-than-three-shampoos-per-week routine, but with DC's high Summer humidity, oil buildup is going to look not only unprofessional but downright homeless. This hair powder, which comes in four colors (black, brown, blondish and red), will give your scalp the look of a same-day-shampoo.
($40.95 at amazon.com) 6. Because your lips sit in the sun just as much as the rest of your non-bikini-covered bits, go for the best when it comes to lip care -- go for Kiehl's. One of these tubes lasted me the entire May-August 2006 tanning season, and that's saying something considering how liberally (and often) I applied this balm after all those rough-and-tumble "sessions" down Dupont Circle side streets.

($8.50 at kiehls.com)

5. To see your skin at its healthiest, you need to indulge in a once-a-week full-body exfoliation treatment. This particular one sloughs with the best of the pricey sugar scrubs and it smells divine. What I like most is that even after your spritz on your favorite Summer scent (I like Sake by fresh), you can still detect a hint of pink citrus.

($15 at sephora.com)

4. Everything I wrote for the previous product applies here, save for the bit about lingering fragrance. Unlike most of the drugstore exfoliants, this one is a gentle scrub with rounded beads that won't irritate even the most sensitive face. I look forward to every Wednesday night, which in my household is not only double-anchovy thin-crust night but exfoliation night as well. Who says I don't have excitement in my life?
($25 at sephora.com)

3. Being the lifelong lotion-phile I am, I've tried everything from imported body butters to boutique salves to your most basic CVS-brand hand lotion. Through my ever-continuing search to find the holy grail of moisturizers, however, this thick Vitamin E-infused drugstore lotion has always come through victorious. If you could touch my legs right now (I'm touching them for you), you'd go out and join Sam's Club right now and buy two cases of the stuff. It's that good. And that affordable.

($5.29 at drugstores everywhere)

2. With the suntanning, the lack of sleep and the propensity to cry every time I listen to Roberta Flack or watch a Julia Roberts movie on TBS, the skin under my eyes is the first noticeable sign I'm no longer in my mid-20s. Hands down, this undereye cream is the one "luxury item" I would take with me if I were ever cast on "Survivor."

($46 at clinique.com)

1. As with body lotion, I've been testing, trying and second-trying facial moisturizers my entire life. Not just adult life but thanks to my Mom, my entire life. This is the richest one I've found in an under-$50 price-point. And yes, it has the requisite SPF 30.

($16.12 at amazon.com)

From my poolside tote to yours

Only. Three. More. Days.

The months between February and May are always the most difficult for me. All pumpkin-flavored baked goods are on seasonal hiatus, I'm without new episodes of "Maui Fever," "Laguna Beach" and "My Super Sweet 16," all the good holidays - aside from my birthday - are at least 10 months away, and most reaching-for-the-Ben-&-Jerry's of all, I'm at my absolute whitest. I don't know about the rest of you, but I have been thisclose to the point where I could rationalize wearing my new red bikini and a double coat of Ban de Soleil Orange Gelée underneath my work clothes for a good two weeks now.

I'm ready to park my fantastic ass on a chaise with a boppy iMix, a waterbottle full of donated Veuve, another waterbottle full of water to preempt a Veuve-induced headache, an extremely well-written, intellectually untaxing, not even remotely about China novel (this'll do) and earn some minimally-tan-lined, even-the-back-of-my-neck-and-the-outer-edges-of-my-ladybits-get-their-fair-share, keep-me-from-needing-foundation-all-summer-long hardcore sunkissed color.

I know it's completely unfashionable for me to admit I still like to spend my weekends engaging in such behavior, but after the past 12 months, I'm pretty sure this is a step in the right direction when it comes to you-really-shouldn't-be-doing-that activities.

So, to help get all you other sun worshippers started off on the right foot, here are the bounty of tips and goodies I keep close during an-all day appointment at the pool:

1. SPF 15 yourself neck to toes before you put your suit on and 20-30 minutes before you arrive at your sunning destination; SPF 30 your face and hands according to the same rule.

2. Create for yourself an at-least-20-track, well-transitioned iMix of upbeat new and old music. I heavily advise against any Dido, Keane or anything else of that same morose British ilk. The pool is for happy faces, not sad ones. Here's my gem for this weekend:

Don't Matter (Akon)

Southside (Moby ft. Gwen Stefani)

Wherever, Whenever (Shakira)

Love Today (Mika)

We Belong (Pat Benetar)

Only in my Dreams (Debbie Gibson)

That's All (Genesis)

I Get Weak (Belinda Carlisle)

I'm like a Bird (Nelly Furtado)

August (Rilo Kiley)

Here's to the Night (Eve 6)

Take Me Out (Franz Ferdinand)

Hella Good (No Doubt)

Clark Gable (Postal Service)

Chocolate (Snow Patrol)

Paint it Black (Rolling Stones)

In the Summertime (Mungo Jerry)

She's a Fool (Leslie Gore)

Drift Away (Dobie Gray)

One Love (Bob Marley)

Be my Baby (The Ronettes)

Wouldn't it be Nice (Beach Boys)

3. Water and unfussy, lowfat snacks like Fig Newmans, dried fruit and unsalted, peanut-free nuts are key to remaining satisfied without becoming paunchy or sticky-fingered.

4. A couple of mindless magazines (for me, it's Us Weekly and Marie Claire), an engaging book and just because you'll feel better in the moment, also pack in that stack of articles on China's emerging hegemony in Latin America you're supposed to read for work.

5. A watch to time your XX-minute flips. My high school bff and I performed many trials ranging from 10 minute to 45 minute flips, and 26 minutes was, for our olive-toned skin, the maximum-efficiency tanning point. As Ron Burgundy says, "Science is science."

6. Extra SPF 15 and SPF 30, including protective lip balm. I reapply my sunscreen like a meth addict buys ethanol, which if you didn't catch "Frontline" last week, translates to "at least every 20 minutes." At the very least, after every flip. Head to toe, face, hands, underneath my bah'um and the various strings and straps of my bathing-suit, everywhere. I likey my sunny, but I also like my line-free face. Just because I'm half Southeast Asian doesn't mean I'm immune to Jane-Fonda-face, or at least that's what my dermamatologist tells me.

Other than reminding you to place your sandals underneath your chair and out of the sun, I think you're ready!

If I had a sugar daddy...

Neuropeptide eye contour by N.V. Perricone M.D.
$195 at sephora.com

Since I don't (yet)

All about eyes by Clinique
$27.50 at clinique.com

The perfect day for a lunch-time tan

This being my third post in three days having to do with suntanning, you all are probably thinking I have a skin cancer death-wish.

And while I don't have any convincing evidence to dispute this claim - perhaps in itself an admission of guilt - I can assure you that even though I spend an inordinate amount of time obsessing over things like which neckline and hemline to wear to maximize my shoulders' and legs' sun intake, the angles at which the sun hits the various parts of my body, and the amount of time I'm facing the sun versus having it at my back, I'm still a very responsible young lady when it comes to protecting that which is most valuable to me.

No, after my legs.

After my bah'um.

No, no before all that shit on my resume.

Yes, that's right -- my *face*.

Beginning with J.Lo's professed favorite and ending with those that even a lowly analyst can afford, here are my picks for the most effective non-prescription sun-shielding daily facial moisturizers:

1. La Mer by Creme da le Mer ($195 at neimanmarcus.com)

2.Repairwear Day SPF 15 by Clinique ($47 at clinique.com)

3. Protective Face Lotion SPF 15 by Bobbi Brown ($45 at saks.com)

4. Protective Moisturizer SPF 15 by Trish McEvoy ($40 at saks.com)

5. Abyssine Lotion SPF 15 by Kiehl's ($40 at kiehls.com)

6. Daily Protective Moisturizer by DDF ($36 at sephora.com)

7. Waterproof SPF 30 by Murad ($35 at sephora.com)

8. Total Effects Vitamin Complex by Oil of Olay ($17.99 at drugstore.com)*

9. Healthy Defense Daily SPF 30 by Neutrogena ($13.99 at cvs.com)

10. Daily Facial Moisturizer by Cetaphil ($9.99 at drugstore.com)

*what your editrix's uses

So swipe on some Kiehl's Lib Balm SPF 15, grab your book, your 400 calorie lunch (300 if you aren't working out today) and I'll meet you - and the large homeless contingent - in the roundabout park in 15!

To help get your T-A-N on safely

When I woke up this morning, only one word was on the tip, middle and back of my tongue.

Poolside.

But before I make the tough decision between the brown triangle halter and the emerald bandeau and head out to meet C, the nice man in the membership office of the Ritz Carlton's Sports Club/LA who thinks I'm activating my one-week guest pass today for legitimate, I'm-thinking-about-joining purposes, I thought I'd put together a collection of wrinkle-protection-in-a-bottle options to keep your skin looking as fresh, tan and not-like-this as it did all those summer days up at the lake when you did nothing else but jump off the dock, dive for clams and erect towel forts.

Unlike some of the other recommendations I've put forth, this group below is tested-and-approved by yours truly. No hearsay, no secondary sources, no beauty-editors-at-Allure-said-it-worked-so-it-must-be-good.

And though I'm all about investing when it comes to my skin, my experience has been that the best sunscreens for your body are drugstore sunscreens, not department store makeup counter sunscreens.

Ladies, your sun protection arsenal:

1. All Day Waterproof 15-plus by Hawaiian Tropic ($7.99 at drugstores everywhere)*
2. SPF 15 Sunscreen Lotion by Coppertone ($7.59 at drugstores everywhere)
3. Sport Sunblock Spray SPF 15 by Coppertone ($8.39 at drugstores everywhere)
4. Age Shield SPF 30 by Neutrogena ($9.99 at drugstores everywhere)
5. Orange Gelée by Ban de Soleil ($8.99 at drugstore.com)*
6. Sport Sunblock Lotion SPF 15 by Banana Boat ($7.73 at drugstore.com)

7. Protective Tanning Lotion SPF 8 by Hawaiian Tropic ($7.99 at drugstores everywhere)

8. Superblock SPF 45 by Bull Frog ($8.99 at drugstores everywhere)**

*in your editrix's beach bag

**ideal if you don't want any color of any kind

Spring Essentials (pt. IV): bronzer and round-toed flats

Bronzer
There are few beauty products on which I am willing to spend in excess of $20. In my world, clothes, shoes and Montesquieu are the top three budgetary appropriation priorities. $60 for foundation? $300 for facial moisturizer? $35 for mascara? $18.50 for eyeliner? $165 for under-eye dark-circle minimizer?

Please.

I recognize I'm fortunate to have been born with not-too-dry, not-too-oily, not-too-affected-by-inexpensive-products skin. I also recognize most women are reluctant to rely on a drugstore-cosmetic-only regiment for fear of breakouts, allergic reactions or just an overall poor beauty performance. The decision to allocate a larger portion of your income to expensive lotions, concealers, non-hypoallergenic brushes and cellulite-reduction creams is one I greatly respect and one I won't try to change. We each have our vices, and for me, makeup and toiletries are high on the list but far, far behind the aforementioned trifecta.

There is one shimmery exception to this rule, however, and that is my precious bronzer.

Bronzer, bronzer, bronzer -- what would I do without my portable, non-wrinkle-inducing, natural-looking suntan in a compact?

Bronzer, contrary to what you may think, is not a Spring/Summer-only cosmetic. Like your favorite vamp-it-up red lipstick or your feeling-sassy-today cobalt blue eyeliner, this bit of sunkissed goodness is only a swipe away *all year round.* As long as you do your homework, take a full day of test-drives at the makeup counter (I like the ladies at Nordstrom best for their honest opinions without the Saks attitude) and choose one that matches your skin-tone, you have the potential to look bronzed throughout all 12 calendar months.

This is not to say one of these items listed below will make you look July-brown in February - let's hope not, anyway - but they will definitely supplant your Winter pastiness with a pre-Spring contouring glow. And for that reason, I deem bronzer more than any other item in my at-home, travel or special-occasion makeup bags, worth the sorrow in channeling money away my shoe fund to pay an inflated department store price.

On a final note, I have yet to try a bronzing gel, so I can't authoritatively testify to their effectiveness or ineffectiveness, but according to several beauty outlets such as Allure, InStyle and my always perfectly made-up friend in London, gels like the Trish McEvoy one shown above, for their glossy sheen, their ease and quickness of placement and moisturizing benefits, are the bronzers of the future.

Recommend bronzers:
1. Bronzing powder by NARS ($28 at sephora.com)
2. Sun by Stila ($26 at sephora.com)
3. Brazilian bronzing sheen by BECCA ($26 at sephora.com)
4. Powder bronzer by Tarte ($28 at tartecosmetics.com)
5. Bronze shimmer brick compact by Bobbi Brown ($38 at nordstrom.com)
6. Bronzing gel by Laura Mercier ($30 at lauramercier.com)*
7. Poudre Sôleil by Lancôme ($34.50 at saks.com)
8. Highlights bronzer by Trish McEvoy ($32 at saks.com)
9. True bronze bronzing gel by Clinique ($18.50 at macys.com)
10. Hoola by Benefit ($26 at sephora.com)

*shown above right

Round-toed flats
I love my sense of style, but if there's one thing I love even more than writing about what I think looks good, it's communicating to you what I think you should give up forever (square-toed shoes), take a chance on (walking to work in skinny heels) and covet as much as I do (Monica Bellucci smoking on a rock).

That being said, If I'm feeling repetitive in writing about certain wardrobe components - cute flats is chief among these - you must be getting bored, too.

So instead of my blathering on about how dressy flats are the grown up flip-flop, how perfectly they complement a pair of skinny or straight-leg jeans, and how they are your safest and most effective tool for injecting into your ensemble that punch of bright color, click here and then here, and then check out my recommendations below.

Oh, one quick note: the only reason why I advocate the round-toe over any other style when it comes to flats is simply because flats are for feeling and looking a sophisticated brand of cute, not sexy, not powerful, not come-hither but cute. A pointy-toed flat, in addition to looking like a couple of Ferretti yachts, conjures up one of two things -- (1) a PTA-Mom who along with mascara and an identity has given up on heels or (2) a poor soul who broke both heels mid-way to work and had no choice but to scrape her way into the office as is.

Just stick to the ballerina style.

Recommended flats:
1. Plus by Steve Madden ($56 at lorisdesignershoes.com)
2. Social climber by Seychelles ($60 at lorisdesignershoes.com)
3. Reva ballerina flat by Tory Burch ($225 at toryburch.com)
4. Maddie by Luichiny ($75.95 at zappos.com)
5. Twillo by Steven ($99.95 at zappos.com)
6. London-7 flat by Dolce Vita ($109.95 at nordstrom.com)*
7. Carrie t-strap flat by Sam Edelman ($135 at bloomingdales.com)
8. Lagoon flats by Repetto ($168 at anthropologie.com)
9. Garter snake flats ($138 at anthropologie.com)
10. Papeete flats by Delman ($74.95 at anthropologie.com)

*shown above right

Just a reminder

Yes, it's spring.

Yes, it's warm.

Yes, you should celebrate by slipping into that nice pair of skinny-heeled peeptoes.

No, a peeptoe isn't the same as a closed-toe.

Yes, we did notice you, your stained, untended-to toenails and your well over the maximum two-days-worth of unshaven Greek-thick leg hair on the corner of 19th and M at 1 o'clock this afternoon.

Yes, it did take you, your nicely-shaped gams and your cute high-waisted Nanette Lepore skirt from a nine to a four.

DC ladies, if you care an ounce about your appearance (that means all of you, dear readers) and don't want to be the butt of a McCormick and Schmick's happy hour story by a bunch of douchebag lawyers, do yourself and the rest of us a favor -- if you want the glory of the peeptoe-and-skirt ensemble, home-pedi, shave/wax/thread, and double-moisturize yourself before leaving the house.

If for some reason you dread the process of making yourself beautiful, do what I now do to get through the headache of house-cleaning: put on some Amy Winehouse, your finest black lace separates and sing along to the lines, "I cheated myself, like I knew I would...I told you I was trouble, you know that I'm no good..." while stealing glances of yourself making sexy-faces in the mirror.

My puppy LOVES it, and considering his fastidiously discerning tastes, that's saying something.

'Cause it's been a while.

Contrary to what my patient devotion for a certain individual has taught me, I suppose good things can come to those who wait. That was my first reaction, anyway, to these much-awaited photos of my number two lady love, Ms. Dita von Teese, who looked glamorous and elegant and delectable as ever at celebrity blogger Perez Hilton's birthday party last night in Las Vegas at The Palms' Moon Nightclub.

Gwyneth Paltrow, Laura Linney, Rachel McAdams, Christina Ricci -- all of these women buck Hollywood's tanorexic trend by spending 12 months out of 12 months without a hint of sun-kissed color. While I've always recognized and envied their willpower to remain pale, it wasn't until I began crushing on Dita, a fellow Michigander I've recently discovered, that a woman with a penchant for alabaster skin has made me seriously consider cutting back a few hours a week on my summer-time bronzing efforts.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely sold on the idea of beach umbrellas and SPF 45, but I also can't deny the drama in the contrast between Teese-me's white skin and red lips and her white skin and the black of her deep-plunge long-sleeve Rita-esque cocktail dress. The red-on-white-on-black elevates her look to a level of high-class old-world sophistication someone with the same standout figure with a Mystic Tan - or even a natural, well-earned Maui tan - could never achieve.

Unfortunately for the health of my sun-addicted skin, I could only read about her famously saucy "Birds of Paradise" burlesque performance; had I actually been able to see how her skin looked firsthand against a blood red crystal-encrusted chest-baring bustier, I'm near positive it would have been enough to motivate me to throw out my five bikinis, jumbo bottle of SuperStars Super Sheen Bronzing Mist ($18 at sephora.com) and the coupon magnet-ed to my fridge for a free 10-minute helix session at Solar Planet on 21st and P.

One-season boots.

I'm not one who generally thinks a beauty product, article of clothing, pair of shoes, handbag or any other vanity accoutrement should meet or exceed a certain price-point in order to make the cut into a wardrobe rotation.

In fact, there is plenty of evidence to the contrary, including:

My been-wearing-it-since-10th-grade mascara: $3.99

My even-wore-it-during-a-marathon eye-liner: $4.29

My wore-it-to-an-Embassy-and-a-Snow-Patrol-concert jacket: $68

My current go-to work pump: $48.99

My would-risk-my-life-to-save-it vintage dress: $110 + $40 in alterations

My help-me-recover-from-last-night cup of coffee: $1.49

Sure, I lust over the $780 pair of platform Louboutins, the $2,200 Carolina Herrera tweed shift and the $2,150 Tod's satchel, but for the most part, when I'm not living in the lux fantasy land that is my blog, I'm pretty content with my reasonably-priced beauty regiment and wardrobe components.

That being said, there are a few items I have through experience come to staunchly believe cannot be substituted adequately by a lesser quality - usually less expensive - challenger.

Bronzer, wrap-dresses, Brazilian waxes, Champagne, leather boots -- all of these, for me, are either top-of-the-line or not-at-all, with a whole lot more of the latter than the former.

Sticking to my guns on this last one - leather boots - has led me to go an entire winter season wearing nothing but pumps, flats, galoshes and yes, even the oh-everyone's-so-over-them UGGs. For about forty different reasons, some of which involve indulging in the other four non-negotiables I enumerated, I just couldn't save enough money at any point in the past five months to invest in a proper pair. I had my goal boots selected and its $300 price-tag locked in my head, but no matter how cold my feet were clicking to work in skinny-heeled peep-toes in late January, no matter how many Thursday nights I declined Happy Hour invitations to boost my boot-fund, and no matter how many every-five-weeks appointments I really did mean to cancel at Blue Mercury, I just couldn't make it happen. And of course now, when the clearance bins are at their emptiest and my precious boots' price has dropped by two-thirds, neither my color (gray) nor my size (7.5) are anywhere but in other, more fortunate, more budget-efficient girls' shoe displays.

I suppose most women in my situation would have compromised at some point - after their suede round-toeds underwent their third salt damage treatment, perhaps - and been content with a less expensive boot, but seeing a woman this morning wearing a sub-standard pair of weather-damaged, fray-heeled "leather" knee-highs, only confirmed what I already knew:

I'd sooner be frostbitten in heels than be a one-season-boots kind of girl.

The girlfriend birthday present.

I want to say up front that even though this post may seem self-serving, it sincerely isn't. For some cruel reason, what should be four straight weeks of celebrating all things me - a 31-day Johanna jamboree, if you will - is actually a without-a-break month of present buying for the disproportionate number of Pisces in my circle of friends.

I'm sure it sounds wholly insensitive, but I have created tiers of present-worthiness among my friends. A girl on a budget has no choice but to do so.

In my hierarchy, there are several groups: the $10-and-under just-met-you-but-think-you-have-potential friends, the $20-and-under happy-hour-and-brunch-only friends, the $50-and-under I-like-you-enough-to-tell-you-about-my-personal-life friends, and the $100-and-under inner sanctum of family members and I'm-willing-to-Tivo-your-shows-even-though-I-don't-watch-them friends.

I've also had the displeasure of recently discovering a new group: the you're-on-your-way-out friends. These special girls can expect nothing more than a one-liner in a $.99 card.

I should also mention that the price points I've set are nothing more than ceilings; if I find my preggers sister-in-law - and fellow March 6th celebrant - the perfect gift for $26.75 at a vintage boutique, I don't need to continue looking to spend $73.25. The goal, after all, when purchasing a girlfriend birthday present is not to demonstrate how much cash you were willing to drop on her, but rather, how successful you were in procuring the most so-her item.

Below, I've put together some ideas for every level of girlfriend.

Happy purchasing!

$10 and under:

- A jumbo bag of her favorite candy and a 20 oz. of her favorite soda

- Her favorite '80s movie on DVD (usually in a bin by the register)

- An OPI nail polish in her preferred color palette

- A bag of good coffee beans/tea leaves

- A high-quality card from a specialty shop

- Kiehl's Lip Balm SPF 15

- Her own travel-size bottle of the lotion she's always borrowing from you

- Baking her favorite cupcakes/scones/muffins

- Gourmet treats or a toy for her pet (believe me)

- A bar of soap from Lush

$20 and under:

- A sheet of stamps personalized with a meaningful picture*

- A vintage scarf

- A manicure at her favorite salon

- A tissue-soft Charlotte tee from Urban Outfitters

- A high-quality lipstick/gloss in her preferred color palette

- An Anthropologie headband

- An autographed copy of her favorite author's book**

- A pair of sexy underwear (when in doubt, buy them too small)

- Her favorite luxe hair product you know she's almost out of

$50 and under:

- Two tickets to a 9:30 Club show

- A vintage clutch or cocktail ring

- An on-sale Ella Moss tee from shopbutante.com

- A pedicure or bikini wax at her favorite salon

- Flowers at work (this makes every woman's day)

- A cute pair of on-sale flats

- A good bronzer brush

- A Rachel Weissman/France Luxe headband

- A one-year subscription to her favorite magazine

- A bottle of Moet & Chandon, Veuve, or her favorite wine

$100 and under:

- A blouse she'd love but never buy herself

- A haircut or manicure/pedicure at her favorite salon

- A contribution toward the new pair of premium jeans she wants

- A cute pair of regular-priced flats

- Her favorite perfume you know she's almost out of

- A clutch to complement her new favorite shoes

- The DVD box set of her favorite TV show

- A vintage dress

- A great cuff

- $50 in singles and four drinks on you at Camelot

* credit for this idea goes to the ever-thoughtful L

** the trick is to keep your eyes open year-round for this gift

Upon closer look

I now think it was Bridget Moynahan's perfectly applied eye-makeup, not her dress, that stole the spotlight at her Gray Matters premiere over the weekend.

Maybe this explains why Heather Graham went in for such a close inspection...

Ladies, do as I plan to do and print this photo out on high-quality paper and tape it next to your side mirror in preparation for the next time you have a Shu-Uemara evening out on the town at Off the Record, Town & Country, Round Robin or any of the other DC haunts worthy of hosting a $20 false lash set with mod-feathering detail.

Actually, scratch that, you don't need to wait. This eye could easily be toned down to make the office-appropriate cut. If you nix the false lashes (painful as that is to write), draw a tighter, thinner line with your black pencil, and hold back a little on the kohl smudge, you should be all set.

Just don't forget to top-off this look with a shiny bare lip.

Only a trouble-seeking harlot would consider coloring her pout red for work.

Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize

It was an indelible life lesson my Mother imparted to me: if ever caught between getting somewhere on time and looking your best, always choose the latter. At the tender age of 26, I've come to realize this can't always be the case, especially if the place at which you are expected involves an important meeting or the birth of a child (though photographic evidence proves my Mom was in full debutante force when both my brother and I were born). It also doesn't apply if you're so far down the ugly path that a well-executed beauty regiment would still have you looking like Cameron Diaz. Come on, people, we've all been pretending for too long she's not beastly-looking.

Let's start at the beginning. It's morning, you've taken your shower, you've blotted off (use the towel to blot, not wipe, so as to avoid unnecessary skin aggravation), so what's next? If you said "get dressed," then thank goodness you're here, because that is NOT the right answer. What you should do is reach for the moisturizer. It doesn't need to be from Kiehl's, it doesn't have to smell like J'adore, it just has to be lotion. Let's not be lazy here, not only do your arms and legs need attention but so do your toes, your bottom, and your armpits. Everyday. And if you aren't limber enough to reach your back, get a man to do it. Unlike stale married conversation, slathering cream on your unreachable bits is a routine he'll look forward to.

The great thing about the skin on your body (unlike that on your face) is that it truly is never too late to make a major difference in its appearance. The way I try to think about it is that this is an investment in your skin, both in terms of money and time. The returns are worth every bit of your sacrifice. The tan you earned lounging by your friend's rooftop pool will last longer, you'll be able to go hose-free well into Fall, and you'll rock that Julie Haus dress with the exaggerated keyhole back like you never thought you could.

Every day since I was seven, no matter if I had pneumonia, was spending the night in a yurt in Inner Mongolia, or wallowing in a Veuve stupor over a man "who just can't," rest assured my skin was hydrated. And yours should be, too.

My favorite reasonably-priced moisturizers:
1. Oil of Olay Quench Body Lotion (CVS, $7.99 for 13.5oz)
2. St. Ives Vitamin E Advanced Body Lotion (CVS, $5.29 for 18 oz)
3. Vaseline Intensive Care Renewal Age Redifining Lotion (CVS, $5.99 for 20.3oz)

My favorite over-priced moisturizers:
1. Mistral Melon-Pear Olive Oil Lotion (Anthropologie, $20 for 10.8oz)
2. Fresh Sugar Shea Butter (sephora.com, $38 for 3.5oz)
3. Archipeligo Sugar Cane & Coconut Lotion (beautyexplorer.com, $24 for 15oz)