15 June 2007

You can't bring the E.T. eyes to work

Heart wrenching but necessary you-initiated breakup?

Bad date that made you wish you hadn't initiated the breakup?

Bump into ex-boyfriend's new f**kpuppet too soon after the breakup?

Watch this scene over and over again, mentally superimposing his face over Big's and yours over Carrie's?

Well, whatever it was - no matter how objectively big or small - that caused you to blow through half a family-size box of Puffs Plus with Lotion last night, you have got to do damage control before that sun rises, that alarm rings and that 9am client meeting files into the conference room adjacent to your office.

I know, believe me, I know, after a marathon evening of nose-blowing and tear-streaked cheeks, all you want to do is wash your face, brush your teeth, brush your dog's teeth, moisturize and go to bed, but the thing is, you can't, because as a professional woman, going to work the following day with E.T. eyes like the ones I'm sporting above just isn't an option.

How then to fight the post-cry puff?

1. Get it all out -- don't cry in bed
2. Wash your face immediately with cool water
3. Pat the water off, don't wipe
4. Moisturize your face as usual
5. Cut two slices of raw potato and place under eyes for 15 minutes
6. Cut two more slices and place above eyes for 15 minutes
7. After eyes have been potatoed, apply undereye cream
8. Go to sleep
9. In the morning, repeat steps 2-7
10. Avoid salt the entire next day

And finally, make sure to have a moisturizing undereye concealer and a good answer for the inevitable, "are you okay?" questions you'll get from all the men in the office who've been crossing their fingers all year for the day you'd come in with the red, puffy, we-finally-broke-up eyes.


D said...

I follow that routine almost to the T when 'things happen'...

I hope that wasn't really you today. Have a good weekend!

Johanna said...


No no, that picture wasn't from today, but yes, I did have to follow that routine this morning -- that was me watching parts I & II of the last "Sex and the City" episodes.


have a good weekend, too!