Thank you.

A serious job is no excuse.

When I chose that name for this blog almost 15 months ago, I hadn't the slightest idea just how meaningful a mantra it would become for so many women.

Or for myself.

I started ASJiNE for two primary reasons, the first of which was to raise awareness among women, most notably those in the overachieving professional crowd, that placing daily priority on putting together a smart, figure flattering, venue appropriate look was a critical component in achieving their professional goals.

Not more critical than the graduate degree, not as critical as the gets-along-with-the-guys quick wit, but still, critical.

The second reason was a selfish one - to build up a body of writing in an area in which I had enormous passion but absolutely no rightful claim, no pedigree, no legitimacy; my writing here would serve as my entry into an industry everyone in my life knows is the one in which I was meant to make my most meaningful professional mark.

Over the past few weeks, I've grown increasingly sure that my value-added on the first front has run its course. As I wrote in a recent post, I can only write so many scathing reviews of block heels, French manicures (and pedicures) and be-tanktopped chunky upper-arms before my "shtick" becomes predictable and my persuasiveness loses its punch.

And on the second front, well, there are some big changes a comin' in your Editrix's life, and these are changes that will require a good deal more of her time than her current blogging schedule allows.

So this is a bit awkward and more than a bit unexpected, but I think today, a day we see only once every four years, is the perfect time for me to cap the lip balm on this venture and bid all of you adieu.

Thank you to everyone who read, commented, e-mailed, and especially to those whose public personal attacks taught me the difference between hateful words that matter and hateful words best used for e-mail fodder among girlfriends.

I'll miss this. I really will.

best,
Johanna

p.s. one more thing, the consignment event will definitely still move forward but under the sole guidance of the lovely Maria -- please check out her blog, Righteous (re)Style, for any and all updates pertaining thereto.

Still down for the count...

Despite yesterday's feeble attempts at existing, I am sorry to report I am still quite near the precipice of death and thus won't be joining you today or probably even tomorrow for our regularly schedule blog posts.

For serious, if you don't believe me, ask any one of my friends who had the displeasure of hearing the emphysema-plus-bronchitis-plus-Demi-Moore tenor of my voice at any point during the past 96 hours.

Not pretty.

Anyhoo, enough about me (and that means no more text messages with photos of my thermometer under self-pitying subject headings like "boo :-("), while I'm away please to check out all the prettiness going on in Paris this week and the links at right I've labeled "inspiring irreverence" -- particularly the most recent addition, an often witty, always spot-on, brand new blog plainly named, "Stuff White People Like."

I laughed particularly hard at numbers 28, 47 and 63.

Oh, and number 20, of course. So true!

A final tip of the hat to Jon Stewart's only funny quip of the Oscar broadcast -- his deadpan-delivered praise of Cate Blanchett, an actress whose range is so wide, he waxed, she even played the role of the pitbull that attacked Josh Brolin in No Country For Old Men.

Funny stuff.

staying away for real this time,
Johanna

Dangblasted shoddy $20 Kroger flu shot!

(I call this look, "Every side is my good side, Mr. Oscar")

My fewer than five hours of sleep a night streak, refusal to recognize the merits of a Winter-appropriate sleeve length and tights-are-tantamount-to-trousers attitude have finally caught up with me.

Every sick symptom you can think of, I've got it and I've got it bad.

I tried to analyze through the fever and wit my way through the chills, but after an hour of writing the flattest and most flat-out tedious comparison between the ultimate work pump and the ultimate older man, I had no choice but to admit defeat and trade my Indian-style sit and MacBook Pro for a couch crash and "Entrapment" on HBO.

A girl's gotta rest for the three plus hours of real-time blogging during her absolute favorite event of the year, don't you know.

So unfortunately for me, I have to spend an entire Friday (and likely tomorrow, too) in oversized sweats drinking tea instead of coffee and wanting so very badly to exercise but knowing if I tried I'd end up teeth first into the treadmill belt.

But fortunately for you -or for those of you who come here because you actually enjoy me- the nice editor Em over at DC Goodwill Fashionista has chosen today as the day to post my 'Blog the Blogger' profile, so if you want to read my answers to her "soon-to-be Famous Five (plus one)" questions, click on over to her stylish slice of the Interwebs here and check it out.

sleep long and well, ditch the sleeveless dresses 'til Spring and give pants a try,
Johanna

Plans, oh how quickly they can change!

Due to a few new nips and tucks to my original itinerary, I'm off to New York a few days earlier than anticipated.

I would say, "see you Tuesday!" but you know me, I'll post as frequently as I am able during my trip.

what the apple says,
Johanna

Don't care how, I WANT IT NOW!

A week from yesterday, today and tomorrow, I will be in New York City wearing the equivalent of a Wonka Golden Ticket around my neck.

This accessory, which is actually a press badge not an easy-button necklace with one-click transport into Georgina Chapman's life, will not only grant me three-day admission to a fashion trade show the size of Micronesia but will also give me the opportunity to bring back to you, my readers, months in advance, a peek into the "new Autumn arrivals" displays at boutiques such as Bop, Revolve, Barney's Co-op, Muleh, Pink Mascara, La Garçonne, among others.

The event is called The Coterie, it's held at the Show Piers on the Hudson, and its list of participating vendors reads like the ultimate wishlist of ASJiNE-adored fashion lines:

Robert Rodriguez, Milly, Tracy Reese, Anlo, Diane von Furstenberg, Twelfth Street by Cynthia Vincent, Rich & Skinny, Dolce Vita, Twig, Karen Zambos Vintage Couture, Mara Hoffman, Goldenbleu, Madison Marcus, Elijah, Paul & Joe, Foley & Corinna, Alice + Olivia, Cacharel, Rebecca Minkoff, Castle Starr, Shelly Steffee -- the list literally goes on forever.

For those of you who, like myself, hadn't heard of this biannual event until very recently, its primary purpose is to serve as an in-person lookbook for personal stylists like Rachel Zoe and buyers attached to independent boutiques like Urban Chic and department stores like Neiman Marcus. Closed to the general public, The Coterie, unlike Fashion Week, is a cut to the chase, all-business atmosphere; sure, those in attendance will likely be dressed Sartorialist-cool -working on your feet 10 hours a day for 3 straight days is no excuse, after all- but I've been told on good authority to make like a fly on the wall the first two days and to just "observe," take in the well-oiled machine that is the designer-to-buyer transaction. Tuesday, the reported quiet after the stressful storm, is when I'll actually attempt to dialogue with the designers and/or their representatives to better understand the directions and influences behind their Fall/Winter collections.

And to fawn. To involuntarily and shamelessly fawn.

Why I'm taking two days leave from work, cashing in R's generous Amtrak Christmas giftcard and sleeping consecutive nights away from my life partner to attend The Coterie is threefold:

First, I want to identify with first-hand authority what the next season's trends will be from the smaller fashion lines.

Second, since I'm planning to conduct a series of post-Coterie interviews with DC-based boutiques' buyers to discuss the processes through which they "edit" their selections, I thought it important I, too, have firsthand familiarity with the collections.

And third, I just really want my Veruca Salt in the Golden Goose nursery moment.

As mature and collected as I know I'll need to be around these fashion insiders, you better believe my inner-dialogue as I walk past the new Robert Rodriguez dresses, Anlo straight-leg jeans and prim, slim, Karen Zambos blouses will look a whole lot like this:

She's out today...

...but please, go right ahead and tell me my hindquarters could stand to lose a few, that my asymmetric eye-patch is painfully '80s and that the red-rimming 'round my peepers makes me look an aged three years instead of my youthful two and a half.

Go on, I dare you.

In the Vogue primary, my vote goes to Hillary

I apologize for the lack of posting today, but I've been buried under a massive pile of work work since last night, and unfortunately, I don't anticipate a reprieve until tomorrow afternoon.

Check back then for a post a week in the making on why, when it comes to this fashion-versus-function battle, I fall squarely and surprisingly on the side of Ms. Square-Toed Pumps herself, Hillary Clinton.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to tend to the pair of steamer trunks forming underneath my eyes with a couple of fresh, cool pumps of Darphin...

as you were,
Johanna

Starting the long weekend a day early

All,

Have a lovely long weekend, and be sure to check back on Tuesday for an exciting announcement!

best,
Johanna

Taking an 'us' day tomorrow...

I do apologize, but we're both far too depressed to write tomorrow's post now that the Hollywood Foreign Press Association has formally announced there will in fact not be a televised Golden Globe Awards this year.

What do these people expect Mum to do, retool her workout schedule again now that she won't be making and consuming her favorite red carpet snacks all day on Sunday?

(silence)

It's just not fair.

48 days and counting,
Montesquieu

p.s. these new pictures of Katie Holmes looking classically beautiful in a one-shouldered draped ivory Lanvin gown at tonight's Critics' Choice Awards only makes me sadder...just imagine the stunner she'd have worn this Sunday!

Beginning of the night at right...

...end of the night, below:


Chartreuse and Park Slope may not be black and Upper East Side, but last night I learned that happiness isn't determined by the dress you have on or the backdrop against which you celebrate the start of the new year but rather by the steadfastness of friendship, the promise of a clean start, appreciating life for the intangibles, not the materials, and...okay, not really, but it is about the deep-down glee of realizing that after all these years of living in separate countries and having to rely on e-mails, text messages and the occasional phone-card call, your bow-seat bestie is still as deliciously dead-pan, ragingly wry and unabashedly egocentric as she was when you first met eight and a half years ago.

Here's hoping your NYE was filled with as many overdressed antics as ours!

Happy 2008!

They know me, they *really* really know me!

I apologize for this week's harried schedule, but I only just flew in late last night (truly, from a place where I could not have reached out and touched the Interwebs even if I had begged, bribed and shown tit) and here I am again, for the second time in four days, telling a taxi driver to "book it, please" to Reagan National for another early morning flight to the nation's most dangerous - and oversized-fleece-henley favoring - city.

Though I planned to spend last night exclusively with Monte working through the abandonment issues trips like this inevitably conjure up in his precious, sensitive soul, I couldn't help but sit down for a few moments and share with you just how fortunate I feel to have friends who know me well -- who really, really know me well.

I only hope my presents made their recipients feel a fraction of how special these five below made me feel.

I saw, I mentioned, and holy sh*t, I received! If only all things in life were this simple. Now before you prattle on about how unsightly my unmentionables' drawer is (packing will do that, don't you know), why not focus on the milestone that is this stacked heel. On my foot. In a non-ironic fashion statement. A first but definitely not a last thanks to E2's introduction. If you too would like a taste of the Modern Vintage, head over to heels.com and check out my pretty (not so) little pumps for yourself...

Hot Redhead Lawyer brought my fantasy of the Cathy Horyn lullaby to life. I can actually hear the purr of her "Al-berrr El-baaaaaz" as I carefully take in all my new favorite picture book has to offer.

D's encouragement of what Brooke dubs my "bad taste" in movies has me seriously considering a Thu-Sun move back to the Midwest. That and our shared love for all things Miller not in a glass, thank you. But for serious, if you're an '80s action film aficionado like I am and missed the first on-screen Swayze/Grey magic like I somehow did, MapQuest yourself a field trip into the deep-red of Virginia to get your copy of the new collector's edition of Red Dawn at any one of the Wal-Mart or Super Wal-Mart locations in zat zing zey call suburban sprawl.

What's left to say that isn't covered by, "He's in bed by 8pm" and "He'll appreciate you more than any man your age"? Leave it to C to rummage up this gem.

And most unexpected and touching of them all was the gift of R's faith in my future success. "New York dreams for the new year," the card read, and there, just below his signature, folded neatly in half -- a DC/NYC round-trip ticket on the Acela.

For those of you who are headed home today for the holidays, have a safe flight, move to the right of the moving-walk if you wish to stand, and please, for goodness sake, resist the urge to share your EvangeCube with the person seated next to you. Not only could you possibly be proselytizing to a woman whose only belief in higher powers extends to that which was imparted to her in All Dogs Go To Heaven but you're also setting a really awkward tone for when you later ask to read her copy of Bazaar.

Great to be back,

Johanna

A last-minute decision

Unfortunately for you and me both, at the last minute I've been called out of town for work-related reasons from today until Friday to a place that is ASJiNE inaccessible indoors and 25 degrees colder outdoors.

Yeah, I'm pretty over the moon about it, too.

Of all the pictures I could leave you with until I return on Friday afternoon, I wanted to give you something pretty to look at, something somewhat fashion-related and of course, something Monte-focused. I think you'll agree the one I chose of the Baron von Bobbysocks and his trusty pal Burt (obscured by my heavy legs) investigating the new Chanel collection at Saks this past Saturday fits the bill quite nicely.

Before any of you go crazy with your rant-tastic "how could you bring your dogs into Saks?!" attitudes, please to note that the floor manager of the designer section approached Hot Redhead Lawyer and me on his own accord and effusively thanked us for having done so, calling the practice "so French" and therefore, not just perfectly acceptable but correct.

"I do say, Burtie, that one-shouldered dress is okay - a bit Kate Moss for Topshop for me - but compared with the sable-sleeved Prada dress your Mum just bought, it's just so utterly pedestri...oh, oh, come now, little one, I do believe I smell on-sale Gaultier thattaway!"

p.s. before the rumors start spreading, yes, there was a "situation" earlier in the day on Saturday, and yes, it did involve this position in this store. I would like to thank the proximate shoppers who politely looked in the opposite direction during the actual "release," the nice man from the espresso kiosk who so graciously threw away the Border's coupon with which I tidied up the accident, and oh yes, HRL for informing everyone from a small child in the shoe department to a Humane Society volunteer distributing adopt-a-pet flyers to an elevator full of chatty tourists that my dog has a penchant for taking dumps in upscale department stores.

p.p.s. if you too have been feeling a little heart-achy around the holidays, please check out the iMix I put together to make those consciously melodramatic "I wonder what ____ is doing right now..." gazes out the airplane window just a little bit more consciously dramatic:

1. "I'll be over you" (Toto)*
2. "Again" (Lenny Kravitz)
3. "Almost lover" (A Fine Frenzy)
4. "The tracks of my tears" (Smokey Robinson & the Miracles)
5. "All my life" (Linda Ronstadt)
6. "No names" (Kate Rusby)
7. "No one" (Alicia Keyes)
8. "Someone said goodbye" (Enya)
9. "I'm not in love" (10cc)
10. "The search is over" (Survivor)
11. "Ballad of a bitter end" (The Poems)
12. "As long as I live" (Anita O'Day)
13. "How lucky we are" (Meiko)
14. "It ain't over 'til it's over" (Lenny Kravitz)
15. "Answer" (Sarah McLachlan)
16. "If we never meet again" (Louis Armstrong)

*'Anonymous No More' -- I told you I'd remember to download it!

The darn things won't write themselves, now will they?

Just a quick heads up to let y'all know that today and probably tomorrow, too, I will be out of blogging commission during lunchtime so I can finally write these two boxes of 12-each "Happy Holidays" greeting cards I bought nearly a month ago.

As an aside, if you've been racking your pretty little head for a good under-$20 gift for a friend or the family member who not only seems to have everything but actually does have everything, do what I did this year and give the gift of personalized postage* from stamps.com.

For serious, even calm and collected Hot Redhead Lawyer went nuts-o for hers.

And while you're at it, get yourself a sheet or two so you share your pet or favorite celebrity with the lovely people over at Comcast, Pepco, Visa or whoever else to whom you still send mail.

I certainly did:

*idea credited to the original "L"

I heart DC Style, pt. VII

Sorry for my absence today, but I've been feeling really under the weather lately (and yes, I'm sure it's 100% attributable to my choice of impractical footwear), so after my fourth straight night of getting fewer than six hours of sleep and waking up this morning with a sore throat, I decided enough was enough -- I need to take a 'sick' day.

So I'm here at home with my life partner slash Florence Nightingale, three Tivo-ed two-hour episodes of QVC's "Gourmet Holiday" and a lovely little bowl of Campbell's tomato soup doing my best to build back up my immune system.

To keep you occupied until Monday, please to read my newest post for DC STYLE on how to dress for your office's weekend holiday party

And in case you missed the first installment - how to dress for a weekday holiday party - you can check that out here as well.

Have a good weekend,

Johanna

p.s. just so you know, I had NOTHING to do with the selection of that Laundry by Design strapless dress

p.p.s. the beautiful Vanessa Bruno mini is now on-sale over at Bop!

JenConn's shoulders and Monte are going to win *every* time

I was out fairly late last night, which meant once I finally did return, I was left with two options:

(1) search online for 10-15 pairs of versatile, under-$200 party shoes to complement the dress collection I posted earlier in the week, write from scratch the accompanying piece, take the pup on his abbreviated four-block walk and go to bed alone around 1:30am

OR

(2) write the excuse piece you're currently reading, spend 90 minutes in the gym working toward my current goal of achieveing JenConn's upper-body (the more ambitious waist-down goal is one I'm saving for after the New Year), take the pup on his preferred 10-block walk and go to bed in you-know-who's loving paws about 45 minutes earlier

As much as I love you guys, you should know by now that JenConn's shoulders and Monte are going to win *every* time.

But don't fret, hopefully you're resting up like the little one to chat me up all night at tonight's DC Style get-together at the Topaz Hotel. If you haven't already done so, please click here to RSVP.

See you there - I'll be the elitist-looking one double-fisting flutes of bubbly!

(Mmmmm...Net-a-Porter's Sale Spectacular...)

In my absence...

This is as good a time as any to let you all know that starting today, I will be out of blogging commission until Monday, November 26th. I'll be in New York City this weekend for shopping and divorce celebrating and then over to Mitten State Michigan the following week for some good old fashion stomach expanding.

Don't roll your eyes, BridalBird, as long as I've hit the gym beforehand, I can clean-plate homemade stuffing and cranberry sauce like a brand-new, thousand-dollar Dyson.

But anyway, the main point of this post it to let y'all know that if you're one of the lucky ones still in the District next Tuesday, be sure to check out fEMME fETE's annual Holiday Designer Gift Fair from 6:30 to 10:30 at the Four Seasons in downtown Georgetown.

I've received numerous e-mails in the past week asking for tips on good girlfriend gifts, and without a doubt, this will be one of the best, if not the best place to pick up reasonably-priced, unique presents for all the women on your shopping list.

Tickets are available in advance on fEMME fETE's website (recommended) and at the door for $30, a price that includes complimentary glasses of wine.

So...on that note, have a wonderful, indulgent-but-not-too-indulgent holiday, and I will see you back here in just over a week.*

air kiss,
Johanna & the 'Squieu

*I think we both know this is bullsh*t -- more likely than not, I'll post something in the interim

Taking a 'me' day (like I had a choice)

Our walks are shorter.

Our walks are fewer.

Our Nancy Grace hour is often abridged or cancelled.

Our night-time spoons are what, five hours now? Maybe five and a half on a good day?

Woman, I'm thisclose to giving up on you.

If you don't carry me to bed right this second, rub me behind my ears and let me lick your cheeks, nose and lips for a full two minutes, I might just never...bother...waking...up...again...

A time consuming transition...

Dear ASJiNE readers,

After years and years of wanting to trade my oh-so-last-season PC for a fresh, sleek Mac, I finally took the plunge and entered too-cool-for-school territory with this (pointing at the screen in front of me), my brand-new, slim as a size-2 MacBook Pro.

Though feminine in shape, I think I'll call him Voltaire, the name to which I was going to assign Montesquieu's future brother - "Volly" for short, natch - until Son Number One made it crystal clear with a double paw-stomp and "accidental" carpet tinkle it was not in my best interest to again raise the issue of expanding our nuclear family.

Point taken, little one.

Just like Mommy wouldn't complain if God gave her 4F at Bergdorf's instead of children or the new, has-its-own-zip-code shoe salon at Saks instead of a loving husband, I'm perfectly content to get a Mac in place of an additional pup.

But unlike a fabu new Akris dress* or pair of Atwood platform pumps, acquiring and integrating this new bit of technology into my everyday life is no easy task.

So, over the next couple of days, while my much more computer-knowledgeable colleagues help me through what will likely be a very time consuming transferring this and learning how to do that transition, please be patient.

as you were,
Johanna

*snaps to Hot Redhead Lawyer for pointing this deliciousness out to me earlier today

'Til Tuesday

Remember that band? Remember how hot and dangerous Aimee's spiky femullet was? I loved me some "Voices Carry" back in the day.

But anyway, I wanted to let you all know I probably won't be posting on Monday, so....

Have a great long weekend, and if you can, for my Mom (who reads these comments every day), try to think of me not as a "harpie" and less as "an awful human being" and more as someone who loves puppies and has no qualms about having one - meet Burtie Spice, he's adorable and smells like a Molton Brown boutique - flush up against her favorite ivory vintage mini.

A woman of the people, if you will.

Be patient with me this week

My trainer, also the world's smallest, most irascible cheerleader (seen here in his "Team Johanna" workout tee*), insisted I place primacy on getting sufficient beauty rest instead of updating my blog at its usual pace this week, so even though I'd much prefer to stay up into the wee hours of the night searching for and writing about beautiful clothes, confounding DC style and fugly celebrity wardrobe choices, I'm instead going to be crawling into Monte's and my nightly spoon at a much more reasonable, hopefully-before-midnight time.

Post completed - or in today's case, started - or not.

How could I defy this little face? I mean, just look at him -- like a miniature Burgess Meredith!

*a million thanks to super-friends C, E & K for this. Muwah.

**to see a close-up of the photo Monte keeps close to his heart, go here