10 Best Dresses of Summer '07

This post may not on the outset look like it would have taken much time to piece together, but believe me, the 10 dresses you see here - the 10 I'm presenting to you as the 10 'best' of Summer '07 - represent only a very wee fraction of the near 800 celebrity photos I've right-clicked and saved over the past two and two-thirds months.

For every photo of Jessica Alba in a gorgeous metallic sheath, I had to skip over five of Fergie sans makeup in a fedora with high-waisted purple skinny jeans; for every photo of Jennifer Lopez looking stunning in a Lanvin mini, I had to suffer through dozens of Cameron Diaz in a pair of don't-pity-me-I'm-"gorgeous" short shorts and seafoam green wrap-up-the-leg gladiator sandals.

Point is, when I finally finished making my cuts, it was late, my eyes hurt and frankly, I was taxed from the two trips to the salon it took Sayed to get my hair as close to this* as my half-Asian locks would allow. If you feel strongly one or more of these dresses doesn't belong among the ranks of the rest, you're just gonna have to ask me (after you berate me) for an explanation in the comments section.

And no, I did not pick Eva Mendes three times just to pick Eva Mendes three times.

In no particular order, here are my favorite celebrity dresses for the season that was Summer 2007 (I declared it over after the fourth straight day of needing a sweatshirt to walk Monte in the morning):

L.C. in a knit bubble dress by Lauren Conrad Collection
Jessica Alba in a metallic column gown by John Galliano for DiorMary-Kate Olsen in a kimono style dress by Elizabeth & James

Eva Longoria in a bib-front belted mini by Monique Lhuillier
Julia Stiles in a ruffle-trim shirt dress by Zac Posen
Jessica Alba in a metallic sheath by Dolce & Gabbana

Jennifer Lopez in a lantern-neck mini by LanvinEva Mendes in a floor-length strapless gown by Valentino

Eva Mendes in a sleeveless metallic sheath by Dolce & Gabbana

Eva Mendes in a one-shouldered Grecian gown by Alberta Ferretti

*photo courtesy of The Sartorialist

The casserole dress

What would you get, if you added...

The one-shouldered silhouette and rosette-adornment from this teal silk Lela Rose shift

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The large-pleat strapless neckline from J. Lo's Michael Kors bubble-hemmed minidress

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The tilted-bow sash from Reese Witherspoon's Carolina Herrera tea-length tank dress

And the least interesting, biggest media-whore in recent memory?

Eva Longoria, of course, at last night's ALMA awards

At least her eye makeup and shoulders look good

And that bow distracts from the fact that she's the only Latina woman on the planet without a decent badunk-a-dunk

Who the flip is in charge of this?

Jessica Alba, getting too skinny but okay.

Scarlett Johansson, oh yeah.

Jessica Biel, mmm...cutting it close, but fine.

Ali Larter, kinda d-list, but I can see it.

Eva Mendes, no question - yes with a capital "Y".

Eva Longoria, annoying as f**k but I guess she has a pretty face.

The six women listed above make up places 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, and 9 on Maxim's newly-released, annual "Hot 100" list.

These are the ones, for better or worse, that make sense. Now we move on to the remaining four, some of whom are more curious choices than others:

Lindsay Lohan (1)
Christina Aguilera (4)
Rihanna (8)
Fergie (10)

Let's look at Lindsay and Rihanna first. Both clearly have good looks and good bodies, that's not up for debate, but what they don't have is what other women like the majority of those listed above and Vanessa Minnillo (34), Adriana Lima (53), Kim Kardashian (97), Marisa Miller (not on list) and Monica Bellucci (not on list) have as well, which are outstanding looks and outstanding bodies.

The belly-baring coke-bloat youngness of LiLo and the bootyliciousness of Rihanna beating out the feral sexiness of Angie (12) and the just-wanna-kiss-her-ness of Penny (58) is one thing (it is Maxim, not Esquire, after all), but Christina and Fergie cracking the top 10 is nothing short of hotness blasphemy. Their inclusion literally boggles my pretty little mind. I suppose, if you added them together, subtracted Christina's makeup, Fergie's face, Chrstina's bad boob job, Fergie's face again because once wasn't enough, Christina's synthetic highlighter-yellow hair, Fergie's Meth mouth and Christina's Tang-like glow, you might have a hot piece of something, but still, these two over Carmen Electra (28)? Come on, now. The jig is up.

Granted, I haven't read the article's fine print in which it assuredly explains in U.S.-News-&-World-Report-style detail how these rankings were determined through the assignment of discrete hotness indicators (e.g. face, legs, ass, etc.) relative weights of said indicators (e.g. face = 30%; attitude = 25% ass = 20%; legs = 15%; chest = 10%) and most important, the description of the process through which such qualitative pieces of data were translated into objective, quantitative figures.

I'm sure once I do my homework and work through Maxim's thorough research plan, all my questions will be answered. In the meantime, I'm gonna grab a smoothie and contemplate my own, boys-allowed "Hot 100".