26 March 2007

Sorry, ScarJo, I just can't do it.

Even though I went on and on last week about how I cashed in 120 of my hard-earned Coke Rewards points just so I could physically own Scarlett's 2006 "Sexiest Woman Alive" photo spread in last November's Esquire, I've decided after an intense cost-benefit analysis that it would not be worth dropping the better part of a Cosi salad on the April issue of Vogue, on which she is also the covergirl.

This decision is in no way a reflection of how dewy and nubile ScarJo looks in her plumsicle '50s-inspired satin Prada ensemble (my favorite) or her turquoise D&G bustier with built-in Chantilly lace bra complete with "Oh piddle, did I invite you both tonight?" expression. Not at all.

Frankly, I've just never found Vogue capable of sustaining my interest through its 400-odd pages. Even on an airplane where I don't have the lure of a playful puppy and more than 60 stored episodes of "Laguna Beach," "Real Housewives of Orange County," "The Agency" and "Nightline," I still have to take a breather at the halfway point, eat a snack and read some Kant to unwind. It's just too arduous to plow through, too riddled with ads, too humorless and in the end, just too friggin' heavy for my delicate shoulders to bear on the five-block walk home.

I have nothing but the utmost respect for the writing and the photographs gracing Vogue's pages, but I can't deny the physical exhaustion - strikingly similar to that of a poorly-paced half-marathon - I experience every time I give that magazine another chance.

The digital pictures have an additional advantage over their paper counterparts in that we have the ability to look them - Scarlett wearing her Chanel sequined microshorts and crystal-encrusted wedges, as an example - with the lights off.

If we were so inclined, that is.

Uh, anyway, here's Miss Scah-lett in this month's issue of Vogue:


dc girl said...

She is certainly head-and-shoulders above any other young actress right now in terms of how maturely she carries herself. She wears haute couture so comfortably -- like a seasoned veteran. AND from what I've read and seen on TV interviews, I actually like her personality, which is rare.

She picks good films, too. Although I did catch "The Island" over the weekend and that was horrible. I'm just going to forget about it and focus on "Lost in Translation" and "Girl with a pearl earring."

bff in chicago said...

As hot as she is (and she *is*), there is no way her legs aren't airbrushed in that next to last photo. I've seen candids and girl has cellulite and much more ample thighs. She's a real girl, which is why I like her so much. Not saying I don't enjoy the view in these photos, but they most assuredly have been sprinkled with some photoshopping pixie dust.

a fan said...

That's a bustier, not a bathing suit? Only Scarlett...

Or you!

Anonymous said...

Isn't this the interview where she said she looked like a boy? What a fake.