The perfect weather for some Kim Kardashian reflection

Like many of you, this foul wet weather has convinced me to hole-up hermit style in my studio today doing little else but press "refresh" on my favorite celebrity blogs, watch both Under Siege films in succession and try to remember to think about achieving my one weekend goal of cleaning something.

Since I'll have no opportunities today to be influenced by random acts of DC style, I thought I'd take care of another less nail-breaking brand of house-cleaning: finally attempt to build a legitimate blog post around callipygian beauty Kim Kardashian.

"Who?" some of you might be asking yourselves. Well, beyond being Hollywood's only truly hot piece of celubtante T&A, Kim is the former galpal of Paris Hilton, daughter of the late OJ defense attorney, Robert Kardashian, star of the soon-to-be-released "Kim Kardashian Superstar" Vivid Video release, and the most difficult to justify object of your editrix's affection.

This may surprise you, but for the most part, both in my real life and the other ones to which I occasionally escape, I prefer people of substance, people who are aware of themselves and the audiences they entertain, and finally, people with the guts - and the proper vocabulary - to articulate what they really think of what I've just said to them.

Sure, my friends happen to be that rare marriage of elegance and raw hotness, they're the kind who'd sooner jump in front of a bus to save the life of an irreplaceable vintage cocktail dress than a Peace Corps clipboarder, and every Friday after work they anticipate the arrival of their Us Weekly far more than they do their Economist, but they're also security clearance holding, foreign language fluent, grad-school educated professionals who are more than capable of engaging in nuanced discussions on typical DC topics like China's ever-increasing influence in the pan-Asian region and the benefits of tax breaks for the rich.

And though I can't personally attest to Scarlett, Cate, Monica, Amy or Penelope's ability to measure up to the real women in my life, I believe the challenging, provocative roles/songs to which they've attached themselves and the intelligent interviews they've granted are proof enough that they, too, are women of both great beauty and great depth.

If there's one bit of wisdom I've held onto from sophomore-year statistics, however, it's that for every seemingly perfect pattern, there are always one or two outliers that - or in this case, who - bring down the strength of your correlation coefficient.

For me, Kim Kardashian is one of those inexplicable outliers.

Despite the fact that she wears too much shiny satin, doesn't exactly exude intelligence, is a documented urolagniac and by virtue of having been BFF with Paris probably has some form of Hepatitis, there's just something about the 26 year old Armenian that makes me want to take her under my wing, teach her how not to make DVF look trashy, buy her a proper bra and seat her in between Cate and Monica at my fantasy dinner party.

Or maybe, just maybe, my interest in Kim is rooted in an unconscious desire to have her come over and organize my closet, because when she's not staying out 'til 4am at Parc or Area or Les Deux, apparently that's what she does for a living -- she organizes closets.

On second thought, I'd better invite Keeley Hazell to this get-together, too.