28 September 2007

If I had a sugar daddy...

Pleated strapless bubble dress by Alexander Wang

$895 at barneys.com

Since I don't (yet)

Bandeau hitch hem strapless dress
£38 at asos.com

Little girl's all grown up

Happy 35th birthday, lovely Dita von Teese.

You inspire in all of us - the meek, the uptight, the humorless and the puerile - a desire to be milky white, sexually powerful, uninhibited seductresses like yourself.

And apparently, you're also using your feminine wiles to spread your love for neutering! While championing that cause may incur the wrath of my wittle Monte-ster, you definitely score points with me, in part because I fundamentally agree with the practice but largely because I fundamentally agree with the art direction in that ad campaign.


May-jah Friday (i.e., Poshin' up Casual Friday)

If I had a sugar daddy...

Barbara batwing sweater by Pink Tartan ($325 at saks.com)
Linen-blend tulip skirt by 3.1 Phillip Lim ($315 at net-a-porter.com)
Bucket bag by ginette etc… ($588 at shopbop.com)
Pump with leopard-print heel by Giuseppi Zanotti ($450 at eluxury.com)*

Since I don't (yet)

Solid cowlneck sweater ($68 at bananarepublic.com)
Luigi skirt by Dallin Chase ($151 at otteny.com)
Chocolate croc shoulder tote ($198 at anntaylor.com) Praline pump by Deer Stags ($80 at lorisdesignershoes.com)

*the subject of your Editrix's dream last night

27 September 2007

If I had a sugar daddy who had a sugar daddy...

Gabardine trouser by Jean Paul Gaultier

$895 at eluxury.com

If I had a sugar daddy...

Mya lightweight pant by Tory Burch
$265 at toryburch.com

Since I don't (yet)

Martin wide-leg cuffed flannel trousers
$98 at bananarepublic.com

And just when I thought money *didn't* matter...

...I come across a breathstoppingly beautiful, a so-perfectly-designed-to-accentuate-the-waist-to-hip countour that my hand is involuntarily drawn to my lips, could-only-be-couture ensemble like Hilary Swank's Louis Vuitton structured asymmetric wool cowl-neck blouse with pleated hem and matching pencil skirt at the launch of Guerlain's new perfume, "Insolence," at Selfridges in London earlier today.

I love the color, I love the cut, I love the dramatic sweep across the bustline of the exaggerated cowl -- frankly, if I had the money, this is exactly the kind of prim, conservative outfit you'd find me wearing to work everyday.

Now, if I had long hair like Hilary does, I certainly wouldn't have pulled a Petra and mucked up the showpiece quality of the neckline by allowing it to trickle down and tumble over the side. Instead, I'd have chosen a simple, side-parted upswept chignon, similar to what I imagine is underneath the runway model's very large beret, or, as Bridal Bird identified it earlier, the "[The Peculiar] Purple Pieman [of Porcupine Peak] hat."

Another weensy nitpick I have involves Ms. Swank's choice of footwear, which looks to me a bit too close in silhouette to both the pilgrim booty and hipster pootie to which, as you well know, I can offer not a whit of endorsement.

Instead, I would have chosen an equally Autumnal but slightly less full-coverage pump like this one from Gucci that in addition to having a more pleasing aesthetic, as a bonus, would have allowed the brown in the heel to nicely pick up the chestnut hue of the large YSL dome-shaped bowler bag clutched in Hilary's hand.

People in the more mainstream fashion industries tend to believe that for every expensive outfit one can always find an equally stylish more reasonably-priced alternative, and on most days, especially when I find a near-identical match for my "If I had a sugar daddy..." feature, I agree with this statement. But then there are other times, like this one, when the design in question is as much an artistic accomplishment as it is something pretty to wear, when I have to bow my short crop in defeat and accept the fact that a trip to the Jersey Shore may be fun, may have sun and may have 99 flavors of shaved ice, is just not the same as a vacay aboard the Diddy yacht in St. Tropez.

More of Hilary looking almost perfect in LV:

Rainbow of Fall handbags

At first glance, there's nothing particularly Autumnal about the selection of handbags you'll find below, but since we're now fewer than three days from the inauguration of the season and I presume, as with clothing, stores stock their tote, satchel and shoulder bag inventories each quarter with seasonally appropriate materials and styles, I feel justified in appointing the label "for-Fall" on the following 10 daybags.

You may notice the substitution of pewter for pink in my rainbow -- you're welcome for that.


‘Super K’ hobo by MARC by Marc Jacobs ($478 at nordstrom.com)

Satchel by Deux Lux ($58 at urbanoutfitters.com)
Contrast shoulder bag by Tano ($220 at southmoonunder.com)
Bonnie bag by Hobo International ($201.95 at zappos.com)
Bleecker leather duffle by Coach ($328 at coach.com)
Leather twist lock holdall (£45 at Leather twist topshop.com)
Somerset large satchel ($228 at bananarepublic.com)*
Crocodile O-ring tote ($119.99 at anntaylor.com)
3620 tote by Tano ($196 at lorisdesignershoes.com)
Neely flight bag by Loeffler Randall ($625 at shopbop.com)*

*your Editrix's top picks

Rainbow of Fall handbags (coming later today...)

Because my inbox is filled with "I need a new red/green/blue/white handbag!" clamour and because the last time I assembled a collection of this sort was in the year '06, I decided it was about time I moved away from the voyeuristic dressing room stories and snarky cracked feet critiques of late and tried my hand (again) at the kind of classic search-the-'Net-for-the-best-_____ post that defined ASJiNE back in its early days.

Again, I appreciate your patience in the pared down posting schedule I've had to take on recently. Don't worry, come October 29th, I'll be back in full force.

Well, maybe October 30th...

26 September 2007

If I had a sugar daddy...

Samantha 3-button coat by Trovata
$586 at tobi.com

Since I don't (yet)

Miss Porter's pea coat by Lux
$125 at urbanoutfitters.com

I'm pretty sure the boss doesn't want to see your jacked-up heels

I know not every professional woman in this city shares my view on the notion that a serious job is no excuse for turning a blind eye - or in many cases, a pair of blind eyes - to how one looks as they bridge the divide between home and office.

I realize for some of you, whether it's out of necessity or preference or whatever, clothes are just...well, clothes. Nothing more. And certainly nothing over which you find yourself fretting, fawning or foregoing meals on a daily basis.

But in the spirit of a post I wrote a few months back in which I questioned one young woman's decision to introduce the belly shirt to a Sunday morning church service, I would like to here and now raise the issue of another peculiar - and in my opinion, equally offensive - lapse in think-of-how-it-affects-others judgment.

And that would be the jacked-up, cracked-up, haven't-seen-a-bottle-of-Jergens-since-the-Clinton-administration heels stuffed into a pair of besequinsed too-small, peep-toed, kitten-heeled slides.

There are few female body parts that when taken care of properly have the ability to distract (at least temporarily) from a busted mug, a bulging belly, jumbly thighs or a shiteous haircut. Gorgeous, fresh skin does the job, a taut pop of ass definitely goes a long way, and the last feature on this shortlist, the feature that can really boost a 5 to a 6.5 and the reason why so many of us spend more time and money at the salon than we should or can afford is a pretty, well cared-for pair of feet.

But as I saw yesterday evening at the intersection of 17th and L, the power that on one hand can upgrade a woman's hotness factor has the power to down-down-downgrade it as well.

You wouldn't expose your colleagues to a rash on your inner thigh, you wouldn't share with the world an infected, ingrown nail, you wouldn't find it appropriate to wear a top that highlighted a giant whitehead on your back, so why, why are so many women - not just the aforementioned one, but throngs and throngs of callous and fissure-flaunting females in my pocket of the city - under the misconception that their so-dry-they-look-diseased feet have the right to see the light of day in an office setting?

To all the women who favor the slide, I implore you, either lotion 'em up, or keep 'em well encased in a non-slingbacked pump, boot, sneaker, hell even one of those stupid-looking pootie things.

Because from now on, I'd like to keep down my $5.49 Infinite Orange smoothie, thank you.

Don't have the patience for this right now...

I've had a piece polished and prepped to post since this morning, but for some lollygaggin' reason, Blogspot won't allow me to upload it.

As I often do on the rare occasion when my little junebug hurls his little self into a conniption fit, I've made the decision to let the system cool down, collect itself and try to reason with it again in a few hours.


25 September 2007

If I had a sugar daddy...

Stretch pencil skirt by L'Wren Scott

Since I don't (yet)

Super 120s highwaisted pencil skirt
$118 at jcrew.com

Like sexual tension at a conference...

There's no telling when - or if - something like this will present itself again, so I advise hiking up your pencil skirt, taking a chance your more conservative self typically wouldn't and jumping head-first into this opportunity as soon as you can.

Courtesy of Holiday, a self-proclaimed "daily reader" of my musings, I have for y'all a really really rare 25%-off checkout code (TOBIFAF2) for ASJiNE-approved, San Francisco-based, used-to-be-called-Azalea online boutique, Tobi.

Did I mention shipping was free, too?

Yeah, go now. Now.

But hands off my Soia & Kyo 'Gala' jacket in size S until I find a way to break it off gently with my ex...

My for-Fall checklist

Aside from the always soothing croon of Huey Lewis and the (usually) inner-dialogued "tighter ass, higher ass, tighter ass, higher ass..." chant, there is only one other distraction that can consistently convince me as I'm climbing at snail - no, glacial - pace the hill by American University's Katzen Arts Center that all this giving up of weekday night drinks and wearing of skinny jeans (just try fitting these in these without knuckle burns) is worth investing the inordinate amount of time, energy and joint deterioration training for a 26.2 mile race necessitates.

While some might imagine a bottle of fruit punch PowerAde, a back massage, a rainfall shower or a thorough towel-down from the man or woman of their choice, I'd have to say the best motivator in getting my weary body and depleted willpower through a rough running patch is the fantasy of having in my possession the nine items you'll find here below -- the items that make up my 'for-Fall checklist.'

Whatever gets the job done, right?

Remember, apart from the fragrance, pay more mind to the type of item, not the specific example I've chosen to represent that category.


1. Prim mid-weight coat
(something to take me comfortably through the 50s and 60s)
Brushstroke brocade coat by Nanette Lepore ($625 at saks.com)

2. Grey pencil skirt
(because I've gone far too many years without one)
Wool mélange back pleated skirt ($108 at anntaylor.com)

3. Preppy-printed opaque tights
(if you distract them with a schoolgirl print, they won't notice how short your wool mini is...)
Herringbone tights by Free People ($28 at freepeople.com)

4. Super structured necklines
(it's ultra-feminine necklines like this one that keep me from looking like a "Thai rent boy")
Horse print mini by Juliana Jabour ($1,277 at shopbop.com)

5. Ivory sweater dress
(I'm finally gonna show my Mom this messy girl can do white just fine, thank you very much)
Cashmere sweater dress by Karoo ($330 at pinkmascara.com)

6. Straight-legged jeans
(because I just don't feel comfortable back home with three inches of tight ankle bunching)
Capital E Swank straight leg jean by Levi’s ($158 at barneys.com)

7. Box clutch
(a wee bit fancier than an everyday clutch and much more difficult to find - perfect for starting off the holiday season stylishly)
Pleated leather box clutch by Erva ($325 at shopbop.com)

8. Wine-colored pump
(pairs extraordinarily well with grey, black and ivory -- essentially, the "rainbow" of my wardrobe)
Jocelyn Mary Jane by Calvin Klein ($104 at lorisdesignershoes.com)

9. New scent
(another Blue Mercury sample find -- subtle, oh so ladylike, and received a "Wow, that's the first perfume I've liked in a long time" on a recent date)

Millesime Imperial EDP Spray by Creed ($110 at neimanmarcus.com)

My Fall checklist (coming later today)

They may not be the eight items you need this Fall, they may not even be eight items I need this Fall, but they sure are the eight items I go to bed dreaming about each night.

Stay tuned.

Oh, and no, there's no connection between my list and KimKar, it's just been a while since the divine combination of her bah'um and a painted-on tight Hervé Léger dress have been in the press, and I just thought...well, yeah.

24 September 2007

If I had a sugar daddy...

Georgia peep-toe pump by Kate Spade
$295 at katespade.com

Since I don't (yet)

Grey suede platform peep-toe pumps
$99 at Zara