If I had a sugar daddy...

Silk taffeta trench by Burberry Prorsum
$2,750 at net-a-porter.com

A penchant to go a-trenchin'

Before I introduce you to the selection of under-$200 trenches no fewer than eight of you have requested from me in the past week, let me first apologize and offer an explanation for my recent unannounced leave of absence.

You see, last Friday after work, I allowed myself to be convinced by Jennifer to kibosh my plan to switch from OPI's 'Midnight in Moscow' back to the old standby 'Black Onyx' and instead try the (for me) very daunting, very seemingly iridescent purplish-blue 'Russian Navy'. As soon as that second coat dried and I received the all-important 'yes, now you can go' nod from Ms. F, however, every last doubt I had in rocking the luxe deep-blue vanished.

'Cause. It. Is. The. Sh*t.

But as is usually the case, with every blessed style discovery brings with it a burden to shoulder. From the moment I exited PIAF's double doors four days ago, I've had so many on-the-street compliments to field and so many "Could you write that name - Russian what was it?' - down?" pleads to indulge that I simply collapsed into an I'm-taking-a-long-weekend heap on the couch and did abso-toot-ley nothing but drink cans of Diet Sunkist and watch on-repeat episodes of the new season of "Lockup San Quentin: Extended Stay" on MSNBC.

Okay fine, I was really in Ohio for three days and too busy eating pumpkin cookies smothered in caramel icing, laughing my ladybits off in Superbad and kickin' ass in the 'fastpitch softball' batting cage to think about much else.

But for serious, I did get a lot of compliments, including one from patter-downer LaShonda at the airport in Dayton who even insisted, post-patdown, I paint her pinky nail so she could see the in-the-bottle-versus-on-the-nail difference for herself.

Oh, and yes, that is a Monte hair, like a feather plume, proudly perched in between the first and second folds of my peep-toe's satin rosette. It's like I always tell him right before a separation, be he in the care of good friends L, M, H or, as he was this weekend, the watchful staff in the rolling hills of his private pet sanctuary, baby boy is always still right here (patting heart) with Mommy.

Without any further random tangents, here, dear readers, are your coats. Your trenchcoats:

Satin trench ($138 at victoriassecret.com)*

Puff-sleeve trench by Tulle ($98 at styleviolet.com)
Floral-lined trench by Priorities ($158 at southmoonunder.com)

Double-breasted trench by Ben Sherman ($184 at southmoonunder.com)

Drop-sleeve trench (£85 at topshop.com)

Trench with bubble hem ($69.99 at target.com)

Swing skirt trench by French Connection ($141 at amazon.com)

Alden trench by G by Guess ($79.50 at amazon.com) English trench coat ($49 at forever21.com)

Gala trench by Soia & Kyo ($196 at tobi.com)*

Belted trench with zip liner by London Fog ($158 at nordstrom.com)

*your Editrix's top picks

A penchant to go a-trenchin' (coming later today)

You ask and I provide.

Later on today, expect an updated array of both traditional and showpiece versions of the ever elusive wardrobe essential that is the reasonably-priced trench.

Like sexual tension at a conference...

There's no telling when - or if - something like this will present itself again, so I advise hiking up your pencil skirt, taking a chance your more conservative self typically wouldn't and jumping head-first into this opportunity as soon as you can.

Courtesy of Holiday, a self-proclaimed "daily reader" of my musings, I have for y'all a really really rare 25%-off checkout code (TOBIFAF2) for ASJiNE-approved, San Francisco-based, used-to-be-called-Azalea online boutique, Tobi.

Did I mention shipping was free, too?

Yeah, go now. Now.

But hands off my Soia & Kyo 'Gala' jacket in size S until I find a way to break it off gently with my ex...

Spring Essentials (pt.II): the trench and the wrap dress

Those of you who know me and know the way I dress probably read my list of 'Spring Essentials' from yesterday and thought I'd finally crossed the line from objective advice giver to shameless self-promoter.

True, all of the 10 items are items on which I presently rely on a daily basis to achieve my undeniable Spring glow, but that should be viewed less as you-should-have-a-patterned-wrap-dress-because-I-have-a-patterned-wrap-dress and more as you-should-have-a-patterned-wrap-dress-because-every-woman-should-have-a-patterned-wrap-dress. For each of the enumerated 10 essentials, there is at least one very good justification for their inclusion on my exclusive list.

To find out what they are, keep reading every day for the next five days. Yes, that's right, I'm dragging this out until Thursday. With the weather the way it is, it's not like we can wear any of this in the next few days, anyway.

The first two on my list of this Spring's 10 Essential pieces:

A mid-length khaki trenchcoat
From mid-Spring to mid-Fall, a mid-length khaki trench is going to be your go-to piece of outerwear more than any other jacket, coat, capelet or fur shrug in your hall closet. This coat, if fitted properly and cinched tightly at the waist, can take you from boring Ann-Taylor-clad office girl to sophisticated, how-does-her-supervisor-get-any-work-down-with-her-around? office girl. Not only does khaki complement every color from ivory to black to red to metallics, but it also lends its wearer the opportunity to exude the I-wish-I-could-pull-that-off brand of dressy and casual in the same outfit. Some of the fanciest Donna Karan evening gowns and Giuseppe Zanotti sandals look best when paired not with a Dennis Basso chinchilla coat but a thrown-on, this-ol'-thing short khaki trench. It's that perfect coupling of luxe and practicality that fine, won't fool anyone into thinking you're more the latter than the former, but at least provides you and your friends great pre-theater conversation over crudites and Riesling.

Recommended trenches:
1. Gryphon 'Hitchcock' trench ($590 at activeendeavors.com)

2. Burberry short trench ($945 at burberry.com)

3. Ben Sherman 'Farah' trench ($119 at urbanoutfitters.com)

4. Soia & Kyo asymmetric trench* ($195 at nordstrom.com)

5. Gryphon 'Timeless' trench ($660 at scoopnyc.com)

6. Nine West piped cotton trench ($190 at macys.com)

7. Juicy Couture 3/4 sleeve trench ($350 at bloomingdales.com)

8. Michael Kors double-breasted trench ($96 at bluefly.com)

*shown above right

A patterned wrap dress

I don't have much more to write here that I haven't already written in countless other posts on the sheer worth-it value of DvF wrap dress.

Beyond their highest quality, liquid-draping silk jersey, beyond their universally-flattering silhouettes that make every size between 0 and 16 look their curviest and smallest-waisted, beyond their can't-get-'em-anywhere-else colorful vintage prints, the DvF wrap dress is what so few items in your closet aren't -- eternally versatile.

This is a dress that can go to work, go to church, go on a date, go to a cocktail party and go to wedding with the assured guarantee you'll be the best dressed chick in attendance. Counting the bride.

I've tried other less and more expensive wrap dresses in the four years since I've discovered this style and nothing compares, nothing even comes close to Diane's architectural designs and prints. I understand their price is a serious barrier to entry for most working girls - do I ever - but I also know just how smart an investment they are. My precious collection of three are worth far more in usefulness than my pricier satin/knit mini, vintage cocktail dress and premium denim collections combined. Not only do I get more use out of them but I can also dramatically change up their looks with a different pair of shoes, alternate jewelry and makeup more easily than I can the others. What's so great about DvF prints is that hidden in their busy, bright zigzag and geometric prints are practical colors, or at least one practical color like black, white, red or chocolate brown around which you can accessorize with items already in your possession.

Recommended wrapdresses:

1. DvF 'Jessica' wrapdress ($345 at nordstrom.com)

2. DvF 'Taurus' wrapdress ($207 at bluefly.com)

3. DvF 'Kye' wrapdress ($325 at shopbop.com)*

4. Merona Asian floral wrapdress ($24.99 at target.com)

5. Calvin Klein printed-bodice wrapdress ($148 at macys.com)

6. DvF 'Cassidy' wrapdress ($285 at bloomingdales.com)

7. DvF 'Polly Dee' wrapdress ($224 at neimanmarcus.com)

*shown above right

Check in tomorrow to see why I think a short-sleeved tailored white oxford shirt and a non-denim, non-khaki pair of dress shorts are much-needed additions to your Spring wardrobe.

Until then, enjoy a picture of Montesquieu daydreaming about his mother...

"Johanna, there'll be others."

As I've mentioned here before, without fail, my father's first in-private reaction to meeting my new boyfriends has always consisted of the same four words: "Johanna, there'll be others."

Didn't matter if they were a still-hanging-out-with-high-school-kids community college burnout, an Ivy League educated World Champion rower, a kind-hearted bi-curious Hawaiian getting his Ph.D. in biophysics, a soap-opera-haired lobbyist two years my junior earning four times my salary, or the man over whom I'm still very much torn - the one who holds dear the Cherry Bowl, the one who properly introduced me to the glory of Manhattan (the seared foie gras at Picholine, in particular), the one who inspired me to finally pursue my two true passions: fashion and self-promotion.

All good men in their own rites, all thoughtfully dismissed by the one person whose opinion means more to me than even my own.

And so far, he's been right. Even on this last one, unfortunately.

This morning, during my familiar four block jaunt down M Street to work, listening to my freshly downloaded "The Pieces Don't Fit Anymore" (James Morrison), I saw yet another beautiful size-four with shiny hair, moisturized skin, runner's legs and an elegant heel-walk wearing the Diane von Furstenberg navy and white Gingko print 'Jessica' wrapdress that after three fruitless months of pining for its silk jersey softness and dress-it-up-or-down versatility, I still can't put out of my mind. I visit her often at nordstrom.com and Betsy Fisher, even wrapping her Japanese flowers around me when I'm feeling especially low, but inevitably the time comes when I have to accept the cold hard truth that $345-plus-tax is much more smartly spent on running shoes and under-eye concealer for me and untainted gourmet dog food and boutique health insurance for Montesquieu. That's the right thing to do, my friends and family tell me. Budget, necessities, and function, not excess, luxury and fashion. Most of the time I'm fine with this more mature, more responsible lifestyle, but when something's right there, when it's only a few budget cuts and twists of Sugar Daddy fate within reach, the pain compounds exponentially.

But just as it does with a man you meet unexpectedly at a red light intersection on a warm May afternoon, the most powerful and perfect love you feel for that one cocktail dress, that one pair of peeptoes or that one incredible twill coat can hit you so hard and so suddenly you'll never be able to satisfactorily explain the why or the how. It just is.

As I came to 17th and M, I smiled at the likely prospect every time I enter a vintage store for the rest of my life, I'll unconsciously search for those items that eluded me in my younger, more fiscally conservative years. It's the clothing equivalent of Google-ing the former boyfriend you now realize you should've held onto more tightly but didn't. With clothes, as opposed to lovers, you have a much higher probability of remedying past wrongs in ways that don't involve skulking around your own city and paying for expensive dinners with cash. And that's a very good thing.

As I passed another of my steadfast but more than slightly out-of-reach unrequited loves, the Burberry short trench, always there on the corner of ConnAve/M behind the shiny glass reminding me in its reflection, "Yes, your makeup, bangs and legs do look good today, but that doesn't change the fact you can't have me," I began to think about my Dad's theory on love.

"Johanna, there'll be others."

Crossing ConnAve and walking the twenty or so steps up to my building, I repeated those four words under my breath several times, unconvinced and confused, wondering why I've always been able to believe him when it comes to men - this last one, aside - but never to clothing.

By admitting a predisposition for forging deeper, longer-lasting attachments to fine leather, unique necklines and rosette-detailing than to human beings, I believe I've reached a new height, the zenith perhaps, of superficiality.

Either that, or I've yet to meet the available Ernest Hemingway to my Marlene Dietrich who'll rock my world and make me forget my insatiable desire for all things pretty, mini and DVF.

I'll consider both theories while I go now and grace ConnAve with my toned-calves-and-peeptoes presence...

If I had a sugar daddy...

Hitchcock trench by Gryphon
$590 at activeendeavors.com

Since I don't (yet)

Double breasted skirted trench
£65 at topshop.com

*And* a sparkly showpiece trench?

A lot of things in life aren't fair.

Irreversible knee injuries happen to people who run marathons, fluency in a foreign language is never permanent, all men who make me laugh are married, and in addition to having the most elegant non-black party dress of 2007, Hilary Duff, a girl seven years my junior whose biggest accomplishments are losing her baby weight and having her best song hijacked as the theme to a reality show - no knock to "Laguna Beach," of course - also gets to claim ownership over this stunning silver showpiece trench, which I believe hails from Burberry Prorsum's Fall/Winter 2007 runway collection.

Though the dress is hands-down the item I covet more between the two, there's just something so alluring, so no-one-else-has-it-but-you about that sparkly trench. I imagine it over a fitted black cashmere sleeveless turtleneck and a pair of wide-legged, floor-sweeping black trousers for a museum function on the Upper West Side or cinched around a simple black backless column gown at an inaugural ball at the Mayflower.

Or, if its lining is as luxe as I assume it is, this piece of outerwear could very well serve as the ultimate - and only - complement to my pick-him-up-at-the-airport dream shoe.

If I had a sugar daddy...

Square print trench by Tibi
$595 at neimanmarcus.com

Since I don't (yet)

Double-breasted trench coat
£80 at topshop.com