26 March 2007

Popping your premium denim cherry right

"You've inspired me! I am *thinking* of taking the premium denim plunge while taking advantage of the strong dollar/weak peso. There are a few brands down here that are marketed as premium denim, but I am not sure what actually classifies as 'premium' other than expensive. What should I be looking for? Should I take the skinny jean route?

You know my build, I'm a size 2-4 with a 26 inch waist, not much in the hips department, skinny runner legs and a small ass. While I don't have much to hide, I would prefer to look like I have a little more junk in my (almost curveless) trunk."

There comes a point in a woman's life when she recognizes the value - yes value - of investing in premium denim. For my Libertarian-'til-the-end friend, the inimitable Miss C, that day has finally arrived.

The delay in losing your $180-jeans virginity, just as in the real thing, can be attributed to any number of different factors or combination thereof; primary among these are cost (15% rent equivalent), fear (premature deterioration) and a deep-seeded reluctance to admit you are, in fact, that girl.

Having only recently undergone the premium jeans transition myself, I understand and sympathize with all of these concerns. But like those panicky thoughts that ran through your head in the hours following your sophomore Homecoming dance, once you take the plunge and plunk down the hard-saved cash for that first pair of Sevens, Earnest Sewns or J Brand jeans, it's nothing but pleasure-filled Saturdays - or every day, if you're fortunate enough - for the rest of your life.

When it comes to specific brands for specific body types, there are reliable guidelines but very few hard and fast rules. With C's sample-size body type, she can pretty much have her choice of any cut and any brand. As slender and long as her legs are, I'm going to recommend (surprise, surprise) she opt for a fairly low-waisted skinny pair. The low-waist will help balance her slightly shorter torso with her slightly longer pin length, and the skinny cut, in addition to still being very fashion-forward right now, is the best match for flats -- a footwear choice of which I know my friend has a loving penchant. As for brand, I'm going with Paige, because Paige's hallmark on the denim scene is their revolutionary booty-enhancing cut. The pair shown (front and back) is called 'Blue Heights skinny' and is available at Bop, Revolve, Neiman Marcus and countless other boutiques and department stores for approximately $170. My friend M, who is 5'11" in bare feet, hipless and also lacking in the Biel-tastic department, swears by her Paiges, and forcefully reminds me to recommend them to any other woman afflicted with the negative-bah'um syndrome.

I'm not sure which styles and brands to which C has access down there in sunny Buenos Aires, but I truly believe before any premium denim transaction is made - especially that first one - at least one or two all-day sessions in the dressing room doing nothing but trying on pair after pair after pair of jeans is required.

Just like when it comes to men, you don't want to settle down with the first guy who makes you smile. No, you want to wait and see if you can find that one who makes you smile *the most*, that one who has equal parts humility and arrogance, vulnerability and strength, that one who adores watching you do the things you love even though you know he'd rather be somewhere else, and that one who insists on walking on the outside of you and standing up whenever you leave a table.

Just like you wouldn't settle for someone who doesn't make you laugh, don't settle for a pair of jeans that don't make your ass look as J.Lo-worthy as you know it can be.

Keep looking, girls, always keep looking.


Brooke said...

Why is it that every person that writes in to you is a tall, hipless, model-type? Who are these people? I'm guessing the true story is that you refuse to dress people with extra junk in the trunk.

Johanna said...

While I readily admit to being a fair bit size-ist (as if you all aren't, *especially* the men), it just seems that those who write into me happen to be thin and hipless.

C is not only beautiful and brilliant but she's also got the shape of a runway model. AND has the hutzpah to pull of a dressy hat.

As Rita Hayworth says in 'Gilda':

"Let's hate her."

nyc admirer said...

Even your "let's hate her" is mocking, because you're what, 2-3 lbs away from being just like them?

"a fair bit size-ist?" Come on now, doll, let's be realistic :-)

brown rowergirl said...

I'd forgotten how large and in charge Jenny's bottom was. It fits her, but I'm not so sure on anyone else it would be as fabulous.

I hope your friend gets her jeans and loves them as much as I love mine. I'm a Paige girl as well, and though I'm not a 2-4 (more a 6), I can testify to the butt-enhancing power of Paiges. Worth every penny.

Anonymous said...

I wear Paiges too! Love 'em!

g is for giraffe said...

Thoughts on Nudie, Edwin, etc.?