25 February 2007

Worst five

These aren't in any particular order, mainly because I couldn't decide between Kirsten Dunst in Chanel and Beyoncé in Armani Privé not only whose dress was the bigger mistake but also who most egregiously grandstanded their worst feature.

Wonky teeth or knees the size of basketballs -- you decide.

And no, I don't feel bad for including 10 year old sweet-as-berry-pie Abigail Breslin in this group. The bodice of her dress looks like one of the planters from my Malibu Barbie pool house. I expected more from her handlers.

The biggest disappointment of the night is Anne Hathaway's black and white WTF Valentino gown. After On Demand-ing The Devil Wears Prada for the third time today, I figured she would be in my top five, maybe even crack the top three, but nuh-uh, not in this column dress with white lace overlay and awkwardly large black bow that is smack dab in front of - and prohibitively blocking - Ms. Hathaway's spectacular rack.

And then there's Jada Pinkett-Smith in her brassy-gold strapless corseted Carolina Herrera number. I wouldn't hate this dress as much if it was on a less annoying woman and didn't have those two superfluous miniature bows on the bodice. Actually, I'm pretty sure she'd end up in my bottom five no matter what she wore.

She's that annoying.

Enjoy.

4 comments:

Brooke said...

I knew as soon as I saw Kirsten's gown it was going to be on your worst dressed list. I am surprised that you spared Cameron. I must say, she looked a bit tranny.

Johanna said...

She *did* look a little tranny, but really, in my opinion, that's like pointing out Al Gore's face is bloated or Spike Lee likes to mention black pride no matter what question he's asked.

Plus, I dissed her already today in the "Out of Africa" post, so I figured I should give her a break. Apparently, some people like her, and I don't want to lose too many readers over constant Cammy-bashing.

Don't get me wrong, though, her dress was pretty heinous. So many sharp edges.

Anonymous said...

Knees the size of basketballs is definitely the worse feature.

You can always take your wonky teeth to an orthodontist.

Jennifer said...

whoa. anne hathaway's dress totally goes with her scary-ass clown face. or, to phrase it differently, her scary assclownface.