Eye candy of the week

Kudos to Brooke for finally sitting me down and showing me this new clip for next month's premiere of "The Hills". Just like my love for Audrina's love for Justin Bobby, Monday nights at C's cozy AdMo abode will live once again!

How would I rock a pair of dramatic dress trousers at a black-tie event? You're lookin' at my answer right here. Minus the "Brian [Austin Green]" tattoo, of course.
To borrow a term from the ladies over at GFY, this ravishing redhead (Teen Vogue's Accessories Director, Taylor Tomasi Hill) at the Tuileries yesterday creates the ultimate in 'lady cum tramp' scroll-down chic. Holy legs, Batman!

I've always liked men's watches far more than women's, but this one -'The Motif'- from longtime favorite line Nixon, is making me reconsider that preference. So very pretty, no?

We all fawned over Penelope's feather-bedecked Chanel Haute Couture gown on the red carpet, but how many got to see the second dress in which she stepped out for the many Oscar after parties? Penny's always been a favorite of mine, because she's one of the few beauties who can pull off the smolder and the cute with a quick dress change and hair tousle.

Before the unfortunate bang chop. Sorry, but that's all I can think about here. That and how HRL would snap this black and gold banded skirt up in less than a New York minute and then, in all honesty, ask me, "Really, you think it's '80s?"

I just want to see these new ruffled Prada runway pumps in person. Just to touch. Okay, maybe to wear, too, but only to work.

I can finally die happy knowing a benevolent soul and not some horrid socialite earned the honor of wearing the $14,500 Proenza Schouler cocktail dress. You say serving food to the hungry, I say serving Vogue to the fashion hungry. It's all charity in God's eyes.

I get in this same exact 'J' position after crunches and before prison push-ups, but aside from the sultry look and feelin'-for-progress hand placement, the similarities end there. Oh Katie Moss, no matter how old or drugged up you get, you'll always be the most glamorous chick in the coop.

My own dabble with the subjective superlative

In the spirit of the season of "Best of" lists, I thought I'd try my tanned hand at the practice with my own subjective selection.

At the end of the day, everything I know about style is a synthesis of my own organic uh-I-like-that-edness and that which I've read in magazines and fashion blogs and seen on TV and in films; I'm not going to sit here and pretend I recognized a single non-mainstream-celebrity on Vanity Fair's list of the 10 Best Dressed Women for 2007, because that would be lying, and liars, I'm told, end up in a place where the only shoes are wedged espadrilles, the only jeans are bootleg, the only jackets are North Face and the only style resource is this has-been train wreck.

Point is, my list isn't a "Best Dressed" one but rather an enumeration of those women to whom I most often turn for real, lasting and consistent style inspiration.

You'll notice conspicuously absent from my short list are names like Penelope Cruz, Jennifer Lopez and Cate Blanchett, women over whom I fawn shamelessly on almost a daily basis for their red carpet prowess. Their omissions are by no means a function of my wanting to stick to six names and six names only but rather a desire to highlight women who, like I said above, have had and continue to have a real influence on the way I dress and the way I discern between this item or that item for my daily blog features. I'm duly impressed with how Penny, J.Lo and Cate continue to choose striking, figure-flattering Versace, Marchesa and Armani Privé gowns, respectively, but ultimately, the only practical influences they have over me involve their posture, makeup and hair styles.

So without further ado, here is my subjective superlative list:

ASJiNE's Most Prominent (living) Style Inspirations:

1. Katie Holmes

(influences: there is no such thing as casual casual; heels with any outfit, on any terrain; invest in simple, neutral but memorable pieces)

2. Audrey Tautou

(influence: never underestimate the power of "cute")

3. Natalie Portman

(influence: show-stop with cuts, not color; beautiful skin is the best accessory)

4. Woman in Paris*
(influence: there is a tasteful way to wear anything, it just takes imagination and compensation)

5. Sienna Miller
(influences: a toned size-2/4 figure allows you to look good in - or at least try - anything; a sultry eye can serve as your most powerful accessory) 6. Rachel Bilson
(influence: helped me discover my favorite silhouette -- slim, slim lines broken up by a cropped, boxy jacket)

*photo taken from The Sartorialist

Who the flip is in charge of this? (vol. II)

My take on these superlative lists - "best dressed," "hottest," "sexiest woman alive" - editors-in-chief oh-so-love to cobble together for their big, fat Fall issues are nothing more than a subjectively chosen "who's who" of the individuals with whom that particular periodical wanted to be associated even before the initial red team of "fashion-conscious judges from around the world" had been assembled. But despite my frustration at seeing some of the names in Vanity Fair's 68th annual "Best Dressed" list released earlier today, I can't get myself in too much of a huff, because frankly, there is no other way to do it; unlike home runs, Nielsen ratings and units sold, style and beauty cannot so easily be categorized, analyzed and ranked in the objective fashion the way most commodities can.

But as unscientific and incestuously biased as many of these lists' selection processes are, Vanity Fair took this idea of promoting certain women - as opposed to the clothes themselves - to an entirely new stratosphere of absurd.

Ivanka Trump is no doubt striking in the face and has achieved an in-her-own-rite kind of professional success, but better dressed than Penelope Cruz, Cate Blanchett, Sienna Miller, Kate Moss and Rachel Bilson? Come now.

And don't even get me started on Lady Obama's inclusion...

Vanity Fair's 10 Best Dressed Women of 2007:

1. Charlotte Gainsbourg

2. Princess Alexandra of Greece*

3. Marjorie Gubelmann

4. Princess Mafalda of Hesse

5. Fran Lebowitz

6. Michelle Obama

7. Bee Shaffer (daughter of Vogue's editrix, Anna Wintour)*

8. Tilda Swinton

9. Ivanka Trump

10. Renée Zellweger*

*ASJINE approved (not endorsed, mind you, but approved)

**Because it's a nice round number, I thought I'd share with you all that this post marks my 1,000th in 212 days of active blogging. I think that earns me another half-cupcake, yes?

Approaching your outfits thoughtfully, *you*-fully.

The most inventive ensembles celebrities and their stylists come up with are not singularly Missoni, Versace or Caroline Herrera but rather are a melange of high-end and lower-end designer and department store components.

In fact, when I hear a woman whose style I admire like Cate or Natalie respond to the perennial red carpet question - "Who are you wearing?" - with a one-name answer, I'm more than a little crestfallen. I don't want to see a blank stare and listen to a pre-programmed, "It's Ungaro." No, I want to hear, "The dress is Nina Ricci, the shoes are Brian Atwood, the jewels are Kwiat, my clutch is Bottega Veneta and this little jacket is from my own closet - it's vintage and I chose it because its bright color and rosette accents complement the slim lines and simplicity of my neutral gown so perfectly."

The reigning queen of this always-looks-so-her style is Rachel Bilson, pictured above right in a grey crepe Brian Reyes strapless bubble-hemmed shift, red Fendi skinny belt and white Loeffler Randall round-toed pumps and below left in a Theory capelet, Seven jeans and a pair of C-Label two-toned t-straps.

In short, I want some sense of imaginative I-put-this-together-ness, not an automaton Giorgio-picked-this-out-for-me-so-I-wore-it-ness. Just as I expect of my politicians and my girlfriends when it comes to foreign policy and birthday gifts, respectively, I demand of myself - and yes, of others - a certain level of comparative strategic analysis (why is this option better than that option?), thoughtful third-party consideration (how will this be received?), and value consistency (does this choice represent me and what I stand for?).

Everyday women like you and I have just as much right - albeit on a less couture scale - to mix and match this Zara blouse with those vintage Stuart Weitzman slingbacks, this NARS lip stain with that Cover Girl eyeliner and this Mint jacket with that Proenza-Schouler-for-Target skirt. The creativity comes when you look past the price, beyond the label and act like a kid in a toy store again -- go for what first catches your eye.

That being said, there are some basic rules to which you really should adhere when piecing together an outfit, and they are:

1. Dress to flatter your shape

2. Remember your audience

3. Wear what makes you feel most confident, NOT most comfortable

So if a pair of bright yellow trousers, a fuchsia and cobalt wide-striped sweater and Vans slip-ons with a primary-color checkerboard print are the items that collectively make your soft size 10 frame look like a svelte size 6, meet the dress-code of the venue to which you are headed and together, create the look that makes you feel your best, who is this snarky bitch to tell you what you're wearing is wrong?

On the other hand, if you're a thick-in-the-hips lawyer and you walk past me wearing a $200 puckering-with-every-step pencil skirt, scaly-beanbag-arm-exposing shapeless shell from Saks and one-inch Mephisto dress pumps with opaque beige hose, then yes, I am 100% justified in ripping you apart officer-to-enlistee style.

And like bootcamp, where the goal is to break people down only to build them back up, so is my approach to bad DC style. I want you to be that perfect fighter pilot of whom your entire squadron - and let's face it, your entire country - can be proud; I want you to wear those four-inch stilettos you never thought you could; I want you to unearth and share with the world that special talent for accessorizing you never knew you had.

But just as it takes a special kind of soldier to be a JAG Corps officer, it takes a special kind of body to wear skinny trousers and backless sundresses. If that's not you, either make it you through hard work, or, through thoughtful reflection, find your own specialty, hone it, be the best at it and help others to do the same.

It's the American thing to do.

Noxzema girl wears a pretty purple dress

Though I wish Rebecca Gayheart didn't so scarily resemble the offspring of a Siamese cat and a kewpie doll while wearing this stunning purple satin Zac Posen cocktail dress with built-in capelet, ruffled bust-line and modified Mandarin collar, I am pleased to know her husband - i.e. "Dr. McSteamy" - is using his new six-figure-per-episode salary to buy his bride of two years a few nice dresses before he sweeps her into the bin for a more talented, more lucrative, less carnie-looking trade-up.

Apart from her too-bare makeup (needs more lashes and lip shine) too-closed pumps (needs a pair of simple open-toed metallic sandals like these) and middle-parted off-to-the-side low ponytail (just get that fu**ing hair off that fabulous neckline), I have absolutely no complaints about this look.

Though I suppose, if I could really have my way, I would've preferred it a few inches shorter, in either black, sapphire or lemon and on Rachel Bilson, who surprisingly disappointed us all in this cute but ho-hum, seen-it-on-her-a-million-times-before top and skinny jeans ensemble at the same event.

When Becca's not hitting-and-running, she sure does clean up nicely, doesn't she?

Well, I'll be!

Jumbly-thighs Barton and her didn't-she-just-check-into-rehab? sister Hania decided to kick it too-cool-for-school style yesterday while shopping in Beverly Hills with what little money Mischa has left from her Keds and Bebe contracts.

Typically, I don't just dislike Mischa's style, I laugh out loud at it. To be fair, it's not completely her clothing choices that put me in a fit of giggles (though many of them do), it's also her sugar-cone-shaped legs. I honestly can't look at her in a minidress without thinking of her head as the swirl-tip of a soft-serve.

You can imagine my pleasant surprise, then, when I saw this photo of the Barton sisters and not just liked but loved Mischa's ethnic-collared blousant mini with wide-leather belt cinch. The dress almost made me forget the stomach cramps I got when I noticed her zombie toes hanging off the ends of her Michael Kors criss-cross wedges.

Her sister isn't famous enough for me to care about - and thus critique - but I will give her snaps for her Rachel-Bilson-wore-it-first red tights with black shoes look.

All sorts of wrong

It's not as if I have Rachel Bilson-like standards for a woman who has a body this fine but chooses to drape it in outfits like this and this, but come on, this sticky-sweet-pink Jessica McClintock circa 1991 prom lookbook dress with exaggerated sweetheart neckline and giant fabric front-folds has got to be a joke.

It just has to be. How else could Chloë Sevigny justify wearing this thing, not to mention her eerily symmetrical, got-my-hair-done-by-a-mall-stylist side tendrils, and an oversized gold and citrine crucifix a la the "Live a Virgin" video at her first mainstream movie premiere since, well, ever.

If it weren't for her bow-adorned row-toeds and hands-in-pocket stance (why do I love that so much?), Ms. Sevigny would be relegated to joining the committee of style assbackwardness spearheaded by co-chairs - and (yawn) pageant queens - Beyoncé and Vanessa Minillo.

One has to wonder, though, with the hard-to-box judgment Chloë has clearly and intentionally demonstrated in her acting career (The Brown Bunny, anyone?), could this dress just be an ironic 'eff-you to the Hollywood community that for nearly a decade has failed to get her searingly intense and cerebral tastes?

Who knows, but I'm sticking with my first instinct -- I just don't think she can dress herself.

A three-way where no one wins.

Indeed, such a circumstance is possible.

I stumbled across one such misfortune this evening on ConnAve between L and M Streets.

The three participants: a trendy knit newsboy hat, a pair of trendy metallic flats, and the trusty trendy belt-and-tunic.

The kind of buy-the-entire-outfit-off-the-mannequin-at-Urban-Outfitters style this young woman was sporting is hardly ever spotted in my neck of the DC woods. By the looks of her male companion (he himself bedecked in the skull scarf you never see Mary Kate Olsen leave home without), I'm fairly certain this duo wandered a bit too far off the character-free reservation that is their temporary, over-priced home: Georgetown University.

Individually, all three pieces work. Even in permutations of two, I have no problem. But forcing them all to play nicely in one outfit is as awkward as that picture of Britney, Lindsay, and Paris together the day after Lindsay told reporters Paris assaulted her with a drink.

I'm not opposed to wearing multiple unique items in a single outfit. The well-dressed woman I saw at Borders earlier today had the shoes, the necklace, the belt, and the handbag, all of which were fashionable but subtly fashionable. It wasn't just that she had the right trouser cut for her frame or a perfectly tailored, pucker-free Oxford shirt, it was that every component of her outfit looked as if she wore it because she - and not Teen Vogue - approved it.

Every season, there are a handful of trends that are so touted by the fashion magazines and so ubiquitous among Hollywood starlets that even my Mother in mid-Michigan knows about them. The minidress, the ballet flat, the head scarf, and leggings are all examples of those that made this list in 2006. When picking from this grab-bag, it's best - no, it's imperative - you limit yourself to no more than two trends at a time. You go for three or more and you risk looking like Carmen Electra. Granted, she never looks bad, but when I look at her here, all I see is a stylist who was paid $1000 to tick off the black-and-white trend box, the opaque tights trend box, the nature-inspired jewelry trend box, and the minidress trend box. There's no Carmen in this picture; all that's present are the trappings of a woman who aspires to be stylish.

There are three vicinities to which people's eyes are drawn -- the face, the chest, and the legs. My rule is to have at least one of these three trend-spare. Following this, if I could alter the ensemble Rachel-Bilson-lite was wearing today, I would have either kept the hat (she had the face for it), kept the shoes, and replaced her tunic with a soft Ella Moss tee and cabled cardigan, OR I would have kept the shoes, kept the tunic, ponytailed her, done a little Gwen-poof with her bangs and topped it off with a modern take on the always classic mid-size gold hoops.

As I've advocated here so many times, the most important style rule is to know your audience and dress accordingly. If these two individuals were, as I suspected, two Hoyas who lost their way coming back from a crab cake lunch at Nathan's, then I really have no right to criticize them.

After all, they were just wearing the school uniform.