White linen: good in theory, R-rated in practice

Note to all women with darker skin tones who brave the world of below-the-belt white linen -- buy a slip.

As the Sweetness and I came around the corner of ConnAve/K yesterday evening around 7:30, we noticed a pretty young thing in a pretty young Summer outfit. Petite, fit and tan, the sunglasses-bedecked Georgetown University student - believe me, once you've spent time on campus, you just know - complemented the humidity with a very weather appropriate ensemble of a coral-colored cap-sleeved boatneck tissue tee, metallic ballet flats, a worn caramel satchel over her left wrist, a crisp, well-fitted-at-the-ass, white linen skirt, and oh yeah, royal blue bikini briefs so visible even I, without glasses, could clearly identify where the cotton material met its silken piping.

You never know with a girl like this; this was, in my immediate opinion, an intentional act, an act of calculated entrapment meant to invite a confrontation in which she could justifiably accuse a man caught at the latter end of the implicit five-second am-I-really-seeing-what-I'm-seeing? stare-at-a-stranger window of being a pervert.

You know, like we all do with our university-emblazoned booty shorts?

Why am I so convinced this wasn't a typical DC fashion miscue?

If there's one thing I learned in my days up on College Hill and then again behind the gates of Georgetown, it's that girls with Tod's handbags and subtle diamond jewelery know every inch of their appearance before they leave their luxury apartments. Front, left-side, right-side, and most assuredly, back-side.

And to her credit, the plan worked. For the first time in recent memory, Monte's patrician good looks and self-important gait weren't the center of attention.

Holy f**king leggings!

Yesterday, while watching a Frontline documentary on the unknown whereabouts and identity of that brave (ahem, dead) soul who stood defiantly in front of the tank queue mowing over demonstrators in Tiananmen Square in early June 1989, I learned something I probably should have known about the country to which I have devoted in one way or another the last nine years of my life.

In true fuzzy-soft communist fashion - with efficiency and practicality not only at the forefront but at the only front - the Chinese government has created cities in the far less prosperous central and western parts of the country whose livelihoods over the last 25 years have been entirely dependent on a single commodity. Footage was shown of Anhui province's bedding city, its toilet city, toothbrush city, sock city, and even though they didn't show it, after my visit to Georgetown's campus today, there isn't a doubt in my mind a leggings city exists and that it was the number one Spring Break destination for all Hoya female co-eds.

Leggings, dress, cropped jacket, heels - 'check'

Leggings, tee, miniskirt, Grecian-style sandals - 'check'

Leggings, Georgetown Final-Four long-sleeve, sneakers - 'check'

Leggings, tunic, bright flats, cigarette - 'check ad infinitum'

In the space of 20 minutes, I must have seen five or six dozen female students rocking one of the three lengths - knee, calf and ankle - of what are essentially, foot-less pantyhose. I'm not one to knock a leggings look, because in all honesty, when done right, I think they can be quite fetching, but I will say Georgetown proved to me even more today the dearth of originality when it comes to their style scene.

What perplexed me most as I forcibly cut through the sea of Us Weekly's "favorite trend of '06" with my vampy heels, Dior lip shine and disapproving attitude was just how many body types I saw stuffed into those skin tight things. Now, I'm not saying you need a wisp of a Sienna Miller frame to pull this off, but you know what, it kinda helps. And not just for you, the wearer, but for the rest of us who can't help but stare car-accident-style at the very visible jumbly-jibs your untoned thighs create when encased like sausages in the largest pair of light blue Primps you could find.

While I may not get the leggings craze or understand the thought process behind a size 14 thinking tights-as-pants is a good idea, one issue on which there was no confusion was where Georgetown girls are shopping these days. After I saw my third Milly eyelet mini with wide patent-leather belt, I knew every last girl on that campus had already taken Daddy's AmEx for a ride at Cusp.

Ah, Georgetown University. The 10 month hiatus was long but not long enough.

Campus chic

For the first time since last May, I will return to my grad school stomping ground today to learn more about what's standing in the way of BFF status between China and the United States. They know they want to be, they know they can be, but for some reason - those pesky Japanese leaders, the whole democracy/communism misunderstanding, that made-up shift in the Northeast Asian power dynamic threatening U.S. security interests - they're still stuck in Paris/Nicole circa Winter 2005 territory.

During my time behind Georgetown's heavily guarded gates, I never really found myself too inspired by the Hoya Saxa fashion sense. The kids had money, that was certainly clear, but aside from the occasional super hip Hong Kong girl or the not quite as Eurotrashy piece of Eurotrash, there was very little uniqueness in the style landscape and almost no deviation from the traditional summer-at-the-Vineyard look: Tod's driving moccasins, straight-leg Seven jeans, a light pink popped-collar Polo, Vince cashmere sweater tied and draped over the shoulders, Longchamp tote and perfectly, always just so sideswept bangs.

Though I have my doubts about the attendees at a Sino-U.S. foreign relations round table serving as fair representation of Georgetown's style, I'll do my best to look around before, after, and who am I kidding, during the 90-minute presentation for signs of life in what I unfortunately believe is a pulse-less fashion scene.

Just like you proved those Tar-holes wrong last week, I hope you prove me wrong today, Hoyas.

Full report on campus chic later in the day.

A three-way where no one wins.

Indeed, such a circumstance is possible.

I stumbled across one such misfortune this evening on ConnAve between L and M Streets.

The three participants: a trendy knit newsboy hat, a pair of trendy metallic flats, and the trusty trendy belt-and-tunic.

The kind of buy-the-entire-outfit-off-the-mannequin-at-Urban-Outfitters style this young woman was sporting is hardly ever spotted in my neck of the DC woods. By the looks of her male companion (he himself bedecked in the skull scarf you never see Mary Kate Olsen leave home without), I'm fairly certain this duo wandered a bit too far off the character-free reservation that is their temporary, over-priced home: Georgetown University.

Individually, all three pieces work. Even in permutations of two, I have no problem. But forcing them all to play nicely in one outfit is as awkward as that picture of Britney, Lindsay, and Paris together the day after Lindsay told reporters Paris assaulted her with a drink.

I'm not opposed to wearing multiple unique items in a single outfit. The well-dressed woman I saw at Borders earlier today had the shoes, the necklace, the belt, and the handbag, all of which were fashionable but subtly fashionable. It wasn't just that she had the right trouser cut for her frame or a perfectly tailored, pucker-free Oxford shirt, it was that every component of her outfit looked as if she wore it because she - and not Teen Vogue - approved it.

Every season, there are a handful of trends that are so touted by the fashion magazines and so ubiquitous among Hollywood starlets that even my Mother in mid-Michigan knows about them. The minidress, the ballet flat, the head scarf, and leggings are all examples of those that made this list in 2006. When picking from this grab-bag, it's best - no, it's imperative - you limit yourself to no more than two trends at a time. You go for three or more and you risk looking like Carmen Electra. Granted, she never looks bad, but when I look at her here, all I see is a stylist who was paid $1000 to tick off the black-and-white trend box, the opaque tights trend box, the nature-inspired jewelry trend box, and the minidress trend box. There's no Carmen in this picture; all that's present are the trappings of a woman who aspires to be stylish.

There are three vicinities to which people's eyes are drawn -- the face, the chest, and the legs. My rule is to have at least one of these three trend-spare. Following this, if I could alter the ensemble Rachel-Bilson-lite was wearing today, I would have either kept the hat (she had the face for it), kept the shoes, and replaced her tunic with a soft Ella Moss tee and cabled cardigan, OR I would have kept the shoes, kept the tunic, ponytailed her, done a little Gwen-poof with her bangs and topped it off with a modern take on the always classic mid-size gold hoops.

As I've advocated here so many times, the most important style rule is to know your audience and dress accordingly. If these two individuals were, as I suspected, two Hoyas who lost their way coming back from a crab cake lunch at Nathan's, then I really have no right to criticize them.

After all, they were just wearing the school uniform.