For the more modest stripper - the 'wedding white' platform

The skanky yin to my slutty yang:

Don't care how, I WANT IT NOW!

A week from yesterday, today and tomorrow, I will be in New York City wearing the equivalent of a Wonka Golden Ticket around my neck.

This accessory, which is actually a press badge not an easy-button necklace with one-click transport into Georgina Chapman's life, will not only grant me three-day admission to a fashion trade show the size of Micronesia but will also give me the opportunity to bring back to you, my readers, months in advance, a peek into the "new Autumn arrivals" displays at boutiques such as Bop, Revolve, Barney's Co-op, Muleh, Pink Mascara, La Garçonne, among others.

The event is called The Coterie, it's held at the Show Piers on the Hudson, and its list of participating vendors reads like the ultimate wishlist of ASJiNE-adored fashion lines:

Robert Rodriguez, Milly, Tracy Reese, Anlo, Diane von Furstenberg, Twelfth Street by Cynthia Vincent, Rich & Skinny, Dolce Vita, Twig, Karen Zambos Vintage Couture, Mara Hoffman, Goldenbleu, Madison Marcus, Elijah, Paul & Joe, Foley & Corinna, Alice + Olivia, Cacharel, Rebecca Minkoff, Castle Starr, Shelly Steffee -- the list literally goes on forever.

For those of you who, like myself, hadn't heard of this biannual event until very recently, its primary purpose is to serve as an in-person lookbook for personal stylists like Rachel Zoe and buyers attached to independent boutiques like Urban Chic and department stores like Neiman Marcus. Closed to the general public, The Coterie, unlike Fashion Week, is a cut to the chase, all-business atmosphere; sure, those in attendance will likely be dressed Sartorialist-cool -working on your feet 10 hours a day for 3 straight days is no excuse, after all- but I've been told on good authority to make like a fly on the wall the first two days and to just "observe," take in the well-oiled machine that is the designer-to-buyer transaction. Tuesday, the reported quiet after the stressful storm, is when I'll actually attempt to dialogue with the designers and/or their representatives to better understand the directions and influences behind their Fall/Winter collections.

And to fawn. To involuntarily and shamelessly fawn.

Why I'm taking two days leave from work, cashing in R's generous Amtrak Christmas giftcard and sleeping consecutive nights away from my life partner to attend The Coterie is threefold:

First, I want to identify with first-hand authority what the next season's trends will be from the smaller fashion lines.

Second, since I'm planning to conduct a series of post-Coterie interviews with DC-based boutiques' buyers to discuss the processes through which they "edit" their selections, I thought it important I, too, have firsthand familiarity with the collections.

And third, I just really want my Veruca Salt in the Golden Goose nursery moment.

As mature and collected as I know I'll need to be around these fashion insiders, you better believe my inner-dialogue as I walk past the new Robert Rodriguez dresses, Anlo straight-leg jeans and prim, slim, Karen Zambos blouses will look a whole lot like this:

Beginning of the night at right...

...end of the night, below:


Chartreuse and Park Slope may not be black and Upper East Side, but last night I learned that happiness isn't determined by the dress you have on or the backdrop against which you celebrate the start of the new year but rather by the steadfastness of friendship, the promise of a clean start, appreciating life for the intangibles, not the materials, and...okay, not really, but it is about the deep-down glee of realizing that after all these years of living in separate countries and having to rely on e-mails, text messages and the occasional phone-card call, your bow-seat bestie is still as deliciously dead-pan, ragingly wry and unabashedly egocentric as she was when you first met eight and a half years ago.

Here's hoping your NYE was filled with as many overdressed antics as ours!

Happy 2008!

In my absence...

This is as good a time as any to let you all know that starting today, I will be out of blogging commission until Monday, November 26th. I'll be in New York City this weekend for shopping and divorce celebrating and then over to Mitten State Michigan the following week for some good old fashion stomach expanding.

Don't roll your eyes, BridalBird, as long as I've hit the gym beforehand, I can clean-plate homemade stuffing and cranberry sauce like a brand-new, thousand-dollar Dyson.

But anyway, the main point of this post it to let y'all know that if you're one of the lucky ones still in the District next Tuesday, be sure to check out fEMME fETE's annual Holiday Designer Gift Fair from 6:30 to 10:30 at the Four Seasons in downtown Georgetown.

I've received numerous e-mails in the past week asking for tips on good girlfriend gifts, and without a doubt, this will be one of the best, if not the best place to pick up reasonably-priced, unique presents for all the women on your shopping list.

Tickets are available in advance on fEMME fETE's website (recommended) and at the door for $30, a price that includes complimentary glasses of wine.

So...on that note, have a wonderful, indulgent-but-not-too-indulgent holiday, and I will see you back here in just over a week.*

air kiss,
Johanna & the 'Squieu

*I think we both know this is bullsh*t -- more likely than not, I'll post something in the interim

Term-paper chic

I'm a New York City college student who doesn't have a serious job yet but will have to get one within the next few years. For now, I'm hoping to update my wardrobe as I head into my junior year this fall. I'm hoping to look sophisticated, but not too out of place in a college classroom. I do a lot of walking, and spend most of my non-classroom time outside or in the library, so I usually dress in layers to allow for unexpected turns of the weather. Can you recommend a few pieces that will help me stand out from the jeans and sweatshirt masses that cover my campus? If this will help, I'm 5' 3" and a 4/6 with broad shoulders. As a student, I'm obviously on a budget, but I'm not averse to paying a higher price on integral pieces that will last me a few years.

Ah, college.

A time in every woman's life when her biggest concerns are getting the "boy smell" out of her pillow cases, sticking to one square and one square only of the cafeteria's strawberry bread and figuring out how to make a 10 page paper meet that "so unfair!" 15 page minimum.

But before I get all sorts of nostalgic and sigh with tilted head over photos from the first trip to the Foxy Lady for a "legs and eggs" breakfast or the '80s-themed house party that successfully convinced me to never again touch a drop of hard alcohol, I should remember one very important two-word constant that plagued me during those four years:

no paycheck

Therefore, because I know you're not dealing with a clothing budget as generous as that of most of my early-to-mid career professional readers, here below I've selected only reasonably-priced wardrobe staples I think you'll wear day after day and easily intermingle to create cute outfit permutation after cute outfit permutation in casual, professional, going-out and even formal venues. Your just-tall-enough slim frame is such that, other than strapless and halter necklines that will draw attention to your "broad shoulders," you needn't worry about many don't-wear-this, don't-wear-that restrictions.

I don't know exactly how much money you're willing to drop, nor do I know the breakdown of your class-to-work-to-play schedule, so helping you to prioritize among these 12 items the top three or four in which you should invest your fashion nest-egg is quite a challenge.

But I will say this, black jeans, a simple but uniquely-detailed white blouse and a khaki trench are timeless - I've had one of each since high school and still own (at least) one of each today - and will pair well with just about everything you already have hanging in your closet. Where I recommend spending a bit more money than you might otherwise have been prepared to do so is with a pair of go-to straight-leg, dark wash jeans and a simple black wrapdress -- if cared for properly (i.e. dry-cleaned and/or handwashed), a pair of premium denim and a silk jersey DvF will last you well beyond your undergraduate years. Check out the 'sale rack' links at right to find deals on both.

And without further ado...

Short sleeve jacket (£50 at topshop.com)

Maria trench ($68.50 at delias.com)*
Cotton chiffon top by Alice Roi ($80 at activeendeavors.com)*
Puff-sleeve scoopneck top ($38 at macys.com)
Cowl neck striped top by Bailey 44 ($92 at southmoonunder.com)
Funnel-neck top ($44 at bananarepublic.com)
Socialite jeans in Perry by Joe’s Jeans ($156 at revolveclothing.com)
521 skinny jeans by Levi's ($58 at urbanoutfitters.com)*

Back vent skirt by Semantiks ($68 at nordstrom.com)**

Lona dress by Diane von Furstenberg ($200.20 at pinkmascara.com)

Mod Mary Jane ballet flats ($28 at urbanoutfitters.com)

Maylie peep toes by Enzo Angliolini ($92.95 at zappos.com)**

*your Editrix's vote for a "must have"

**for interviews and dressier school events

How to pop your Big Apple cherry right

"In mid July I am going to be making my first trip ever from DC to your favorite city to visit my best friend who is a grad student at NYU. Let me emphasize *first trip ever*. The main event plans are to do some shopping, catch a show on Broadway and check out some art at a gallery she organized. I am a little on the worried side that I won't be stylish enough for New York...but then I thought of asking you for a little inspiration and knew I'd be alright! Any advice? I'd like to find an outfit that could transition a semi-casual day to night glamour. Ideally I'd like to not order online as I'm a little time-constrained. I'm a 36-D and not stick thin so try to think of something more for your more voluptuous of readers :) I know I'm being specific but I'm sure you'll think of something!"

Walking around New York for hours on end? Potential triple-digit temperatures? Transitioning between day and evening without an outfit change?

Clearly, we’re looking at a multi-purpose sundress.

Since you say you’re on a short timeline and prefer not to order online, I’m going to suggest a few silhouette guidelines, a few stores for you to visit, and then it’s up to you to go out and find that perfect outfit to impress all the celebrities you'll surely run into.

But I should remind you, most online stores offer 2-3 day standard shipping, which means if you placed your order within the week, you’d definitely have your dress well before your mid-July departure. Just sayin'.

Not knowing your height or budget complicates my style prescription a wee bit, but at least you told me your general shape – I’m translating “not stick thin” and “36-D” as “hourglass” – and from that I already have a few ideas in mind for exactly what kind of dress I think you should wear.

First, because of your proportions, the best dress – the most flattering dress – is one that draws attention to your waist. This is achieved most easily with a waist cinch, but another option is a dress like this one from Anthropologie that instead of a belt cuts a clear line between top and bottom with color.

Second, because of your larger chest, I strongly suggst avoiding dresses with empire waists. You know why, and it begins with an insensitive man approaching you and ends with you saying, "No, I'm not pregnant."

Third, also because of your chest, we’re not looking at a halter, backless or any other style that might have you considering a bra-free Manhattan experience. Even if those D-cups are perky as can be, after 12 hours free on the range, your back is gonna wanna kick your ass for this decision.

Fourth, I don’t know what your preference is when it comes to baring cleavage, but I’m going to assume since your schedule includes venues ranging from daytime casual (shopping) to family-friendly (art gallery) to evening semi-formal (Broadway theater), we’re going to want to limit the boobage to at most a “peek”.

Fifth, since we’re covering you up on top, let’s opt for a knee-length or just-above-the-knee-length dress so that we might see some skin. Due to the sticky heat and extensive amount of walking, don’t make things worse for yourself by selecting a fitted skirt. Go for flowy, go for A-line, go for anything other than pencil.

Oh, and if you don’t mind, I’d also like to recommend you bring two pairs of shoes – one for walking during the day (cute and flat like these or these) and one for your more glamorous night out in Manhattan (cute and not flat like these or these). If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my stints in NYC, it’s that at the end of the day - literally, once the sun sets - you’re either going to need access to a water source for a quick de-grime scrub-down, or at the very least have on hand a fresh pair of completely enclosed shoes that’ll hide from others just how black the sides and soles of your feet are.

Without further ado, here are a few dress silhouettes I think would look smashing on you and that would be venue-appropriate for your jam-packed first day in the Big Apple:

Paisley wrap waist dress ($128 at freepeople.com)

Hollywood dress by Lux ($48 at urbanoutfitters.com)

Tie around dress by L.A.M.B. ($285 at shopbop.com)*

Striped seersucker dress by Kay Unger ($144.01 at saks.com)

Rose red mini dress by Anna Sui ($238.80 at saks.com)

Poplin sundress by Max & Cleo ($118 at nordstrom.com)

Swiss dot sundress by Calvin Klein ($138 at nordstrom.com)

*your editrix's top pick

Stores to hit up:

1. Zara

2. Anthropologie

3. French Connection

4. South Moon Under

5. Macy's

6. Nordstrom

7. Macy's

8. Banana Republic

9. Urban Chic

10. H&M

Why looking in NYC is better than buying in DC

A Burberry display on MadAve. First of all, why do they get all the giant silver orbs? I looked this morning on my way to work, and the ConnAve store only has a few small ones haphazardly thrown to one side of a crocheted blazer and chino capris ensemble. If any Burberry location needs distracting metallic props, it's the one in DC, not the one in Manhattan. This white bell-sleeved mini with ruffle-detailing isn't that memorable, but the shoes took my breath away. With the way my flats had been hurting my high arches all day, I was thisclose to challenging their "Sorry, we're closed" signage and making a beeline for the shoe salon. In retrospect, it was a good thing I wore the blouse I did that day, for it was the distasteful prospect of pairing such avant garde pumps with a preppy-cute button-up that saved me from blowing my savings in one fell swoop.
This Valentino skirt was easily my favorite find of the entire trip. I don't know what it was about this half-moon flutter skirt I loved so much - I'm not typically one for that ethereal, weightless style - but something about it wouldn't let me go. Literally. I stood, head tilted, staring at this skirt for at least 10 minutes. To get a closer look at the craftsmanship, I even squatted Chinaman-style, which is no easy feat in just-out-of-the-dryer cigarette-leg super-skinnies. Each of this skirt's "petals" was rimmed with silk-trim, and I imagined some zaftig Italian woman taking painstaking care to sew each one just so on that gauze-thin chiffon base. I'd have left the hem scalloped instead of straight-edged and paired it with a slim silk lantern-neck shell, but I'm willing to accept the possibility that Garavani knows something I don't.

The accompanying shoes. These d'Orsay triple-cut-out peeptoes look a bit bridesmaid-ish as is, but in my head, as soon as I saw them, I swapped champagne for black and silk for patent leather with animal-skin-embossing. Perfect with a pencil skirt and cropped box-cut jacket.S and I intentionally stayed away from Saks' high-end boutiques - your Fendis, Chanels, Balenciagas, etc. - so as not to even allow ourselves to consider how a four or five-figure purchase might impact our credit scores. You can understand our anger, then, when we came across this beautiful structured Zac Posen satchel ($1,895) hanging like a mid-priced Kooba in the "affordable" first-floor accessories room. Hmpf.

I expected more of an emotional reaction upon finally meeting YSL's 'Tribute' pump. In the end, they looked better on Gwen Stefani than they did shined to the hilt under the halogen glare and bright blinks of tourists' flashbulbs. In fact, they looked remarkably pedestrian in person -- as far as platform Mary Janes go, of course.

In this window, it was all about the shoes. Those slingback platform peeptoes were in one word, incredible. Textured grey suede at the "peep" and black patent leather up and around the "sling." Those $1,195 4.5-inch pumps outshone everything in the Oscar de la Renta showroom.

I never really paid much attention to Celine designs, but this window stopped me dead in my croc-embossed gladiator sandal tracks. The two dresses flanking either side of the T-back black and white silk column gown I could take or leave, but that dress in the middle...that dress had me calculating what a jail sentence for a first-offender charged with felony larceny might look like.

This pair of black-label Armani tulip dresses made me think of my girl L, because you'd need teensy shoulders like hers to successfully pull them off. And skinny ankles, a toned back and fat-free underarms, of course. I preferred the textured silk of the strapless number but the sliver-thin crescendo straps of the one behind it. And yes, I'd buh-bye those distractingly chunky necklaces. Some thick swipes of mascara, a Bottega Veneta box clutch and a set of seven gold bangles -- that's all this lady doth require.

After all that wishing, hoping, loitering and illegal plotting, I allowed myself the reasonably-priced high-waisted black skirt I'm presently wearing - this one unlike its four slim-fitting sisters has wide-panel pleats and an A-line flounce - and then headed over to the Strand for a book. Well, two. I figured since Angelina says "educating herself" is when she and Brad find her at her sexiest, perhaps I'd give this whole being-a-woman-of-substance thing a second chance.

When the wishlist dress isn't *quite* the wishlist dress

It was that dress.

It was that dress in my size.

It was that dress in my size on sale.

And it was the last one left.

Hanging by a single Secret-stained strap on the kind of frill-free clear plastic hanger associates at Bloomingdale's reserve for the oh-so-last-season leftovers was my sweet little Catherine Malandrino flower cut-out sun dress.

As you can see in the pictures below - their poor quality a testament to the overwhelming range of emotions I underwent in that bitty box of a fitting room - the dress I nearly flipped past Monday afternoon was and wasn't the coveted wishlist dress I'd first discovered at the Nordstrom in Pentagon City last St. Patrick's Day.

Even though the eyelet before me wasn't white and the neckline had the kind of unsavory wear-and-tear one expects to find caked onto a slip-over-the-head clearance item at Charlotte Russe, not Bloomingdale's, I looked at it and its 40%-off pricetag and thought to myself, "Black, white, streaky orange foundation stains -- it's almost the same. I'll try it."

And try it, I did.

"That is so stunning on you. Decision made," S stated as she exited her stall in a so-so t-shirt mini, not a whit of uncertainty in her voice.

"I don't know...I mean, I like it but it's just not..."

"Not what? Not perfect? Yes it is. Seriously, Johanna, look at your cleavage (we both look and nod knowingly) you've got to get this dress."

Considering that these statements were coming from the same individual who earlier in the day without provocation handed me a tissue and said, "Do you always over-bronze?" and at the previous store told me a red boucle shift I'd tried on gave me "gumdrop hips," I knew in this case, with this dress, S was not just playing a Gretchen Wieners to my Regina George. When she said it was fabulous, she meant it.

I clicked shut the thin-planked wooden door, airily replied, "No, that dress you're wearing isn't worth $265," took a few more looks from all the angles the floor-to-ceiling three-way afforded me, and just as I was about to set aside my misgivings and dive head first into S's cool pool of resolute confidence, something hit me.

S never saw the white dress. She only saw this one, which despite its unarguably flattering fit wasn't even in the same realm of sigh-worthiness as the original wishlist dress. Buying the black dress against my it's-not-quite-"the-one" instincts just because it was possible, just because with the final markdown it was now within my financial grasp and just because I had the recommendation of someone who didn't have the benefit of comparison would have been tantamount to that which I long ago vowed never to do.

To settle.

So no, I did not tick the Catherine Malandrino box on my ever-lengthening wishlist to entertain a burst of short-lived, half-hearted, clouded-by-Manhattan-awe shopping satisfaction. Instead, I decided to do as I always do: sit pretty in any one of my many other dresses and wait for "the one" to cross my path again one day on another website, on another sale rack, in another vintage store, or more likely than not, as the result of a college friend's charity when she decides on a whim she no longer does eyelet.

The pictures and warped inner-dialogue of me trying to convince myself I could make this dress work-appropriate:

"I mean, the back is conservative enough..."
"A cute bolero will compensate for the bralessness."
"Just wear pearls," S suggested, "with the cut-outs at the hem, no one will even notice the boob factor."

Gone New Yorkin'

But don't fret, I'll be back in full "harmfully judgmental" force Wednesday morning with a new, this-inspired vintage mini, a higher alcohol tolerance and a few mystery bruises.

Miss me, you fools.

How to have my kind of Manhattan weekend: Pt. II

Yesterday, the eats and the activities, today, the clothes.

I don't know about you, but when I'm in Manhattan in the summer, I have no desire to wear shorts, skirts, blouses, tees, tunics, leggings or pants. No, NYC in June, July and August, for me, is all about the pretty dress.

During the day, my favorite look is an ultra-feminine sundress, flat sandals, air-dried hair and a single-coat-of-mascara-and-bronzer-only makeup routine.

At night, I opt for a frock with a dramatic hem or neckline that highlights my tan limbs, barely-there sky-high stiletto evening sandals, with my hair straightened and pulled back. As for cosmetics, I follow a regiment of a double-coat of mascara, heavier-than-day bronzer, gold-shimmer creme shadow and lots and lots of black-kohl liner.

If your style doesn't align with mine, my first piece of advice is to have you identify the asset of which of are most proud -- the asset you'd like to draw attention to and flaunt when you're out amongst the most fashionable people on earth. This could be your sculpted shoulders, your thin ankles, your taut behind, even your freckles. Dress for your chosen feature but not at the cost of forgetting those body parts with which you're a little less comfortable - or should be a little less comfortable - showing off. This point was driven home earlier today when I saw a young woman standing on a footstool in the three-way mirror at the Anthropologie in Georgetown trying on this adorable 'Checker' dress by Viola. From the bust-up, the straight-edged neck and thick straps worked perfectly with her collarbone and not-too-thin-but-not-too-thick upper arms. From the bust-down, however, the cinch of the empire waist hit this middle-heavy woman in a bad, bad way. Instead of looking floaty and effortless like the dress itself, she resembled a Pringle can. Or Jessica Simpson since she started dating John Mayer. Unfortunately for her - the woman at Anthro, not Jessica - I was in no mood to verbally disqualify her friends' "That looks amazing on you, you should totally get it" praise. Instead, I slackened my quick pace, made eye-contact, bit my lower lip in a less-than-subtle don't-even-think-about-buying-that clench, and walked toward the unmentionables section to take a peek at the on-sale display of Chantilly lace boyshorts.

My other general rule is to stick to one featured feature per outfit. If you decide to plunge down front, lower the hem; if you're rocking the mini, opt for a fuller, more conservative neckline; and if you're going backless down-to-there, balance with some combination of the two. My own experience has been that hints of this and that, as opposed to wha-bam-look-at-my-junk, are much more effective in building your own confidence and in eliciting frequent "I feel so lucky to be the man on your arm" comments from your companion.

And with that, here are my recommendations for day and evening, June-in-Manhattan dresses:

Day:

Cinch dress by Lux ($48 at urbanoutfitters.com)*

Flutter eyelet dress by Deep ($44 at styleviolet.com)

Voile minidress by BCBG ($160 at saks.com)

Hana tunic dress by Ella Moss ($155 at pinkmascara.com)

Puff-sleeve dress by Catherine Malandrino ($407 at revolveclothing.com)*

Short caftan dress by Rachel Pally ($229 at urbanchiconline.com)

Kagen eyelet dress by C&C California ($158 at activeendeavors.com)

Saffie dress by What Comes Around... ($380 at activeendeavors.com)

Bonnet dress by Maria Bonita Extra ($59.95 at anthropologie.com)

Birds of paradise dress by James Coviello ($318 at anthropologie.com)

Evening

Liquid dress by Harkham ($282 at couturecandy.com)
Charmeuse Dita dress by ingwa;melero ($321 at shopbop.com)*
Belted dress by Castle Starr ($485 at ronherman.com)
Silk strapless tuck dress by Nicole Miller ($197.10 at bluefly.com)
Diamond deco shift dress ($138 at ardenb.com)
Wrapped pearl halter mini by Chelsea Flower ($326 at saks.com)*
Satin mini dress by ABS ($230 at saks.com)
Rosette shift dress by 3.1 Phillip Lim ($370 at pinkmascara.com)
Battenburg chic dress by Betsey Johnson ($172 at revolveclothing.com)
Golden road dress by Fei ($158 at anthropologie.com)
*your editrix's top picks