Cannes and should do better next year

I've been waiting all week for the Palme d'Or to be handed out and thus mark the end of the seven days informally known as the week when Sharon Stone goes extra crazy in a-too-young-for-someone-half-her-age wardrobe.

My anxiousness for the grand award had nothing to do with the films themselves but rather the final parade of evening couture. I needed this last red carpet song-and-dance so that I could finally cobble together my "loved it," "hated it" and "WTF?" categories.

So here they are, the good, the bad and the plastic tit-cones:

Loved it

I love the deep teal color, the fluid drape and the contrast of the burgundy waist-cinch on this silk jersey column gown

(Kerry Washington at the De Grisogono Party)

I wish Andie had worn her hair in a more upswept fashion and chosen a richer color that didn't make her beautiful alabaster skin look so washed out, but other than that, from the tasteful - and age-appropriate - cleavage to the like-a-glove fit, this subtle seafoam-green Versace chiffon confection is picture-perfect.

(Andie McDowell at the My Blueberry Nights premiere)
As I've said before, Eva's upper-body was made for the strapless neckline, and this exaggerated sweetheart Lanvin gown with black mesh overlay and patent leather belt is a perfect choice to remind people of that fact. I love how she never wears necklaces and allows all the attention to go to her natural - and best - assets: her skin and sculpted shoulders.
(Eva Mendes at the We Own the Night premiere)

Hated it
I don't quite understand how the diminutive vertical ruffles on this tiered Marchesa gown could make tiny-as-a-sparrow Kerry Washington look plus-size from the waist-down, but oh goodness, does it ever. The dress itself is quite pretty, but an on-the-hanger aesthetic does not always translate to a figure-flattering fit.
(Kerry Washington at the Ocean's 13 premiere)

Maybe it's that I don't have a "trained eye" for fashion, but I have never found this kind of mismatched front and back hem length pleasing to look at. The diagonal stripes on the bodice of this Hervé Léger isn't doing Jess' girls any favors, either.

(Jessica Simpson at the My Blueberry Nights premiere)

This is a Miss USA evening-gown-competition dress. Miss New Jersey's evening-gown-competition dress.

(Rose McGowan at the amfAR AIDS benefit)

WTF?

Mesh paneling on an already sexed-to-the-gills bustier minidress? Psychedelic platform wedges? Somewhere at this premiere, a confused Bai Ling is wandering around wearing Kylie's chiffon gown and Louboutin slingbacks.

(Kylie Minogue at the Ocean's 13 premiere)

First, you have the gall to don an Elie Saab the reigning queen of the red carpet gown knocked out of the park fewer than six months ago. Second, you degrade it with chunky turquoise jewelery and disheveled surfer-girl hair. No wonder Leo didn't want to accompany you down the carpet...

(Israeli model Bar Rafaeli at the Ocean's 13 premiere)

Even if Hofit's dress had covered a good three inches more of those orbs of hers, this candy apple red with beaded belt still wouldn't have been passable by Cannes standards. It's very junior prom chaperone, very Rizik's-display-window. And for those of you who live outside DC, no, that's not a good thing.

(Israeli model Hofit Golan at the Ocean's 13 premiere)

Dita, why the plastic tit-cones? Had you left your hotel without those things, hands-down you would have been in the first group.

(Dita von Teese at the Dolce & Gabbana party)

P-E-R-F-E-C-T

After seeing these arrival pictures of Brad and Angelina at the Cannes Film Festival premiere of her new film, A Mighty Heart, I decided to take back every negative comment I've ever made about Angelina's pretentiousness.

These two simply take my breath away. And I'm not talking about how objectively good-looking they are as individuals - that's a given - but rather how good they look together. These two reach a level of class Hollywood hasn't seen since the days of of Bogart and Bacall, Tracy and Hepburn, and Ford and Hayworth. Even the subtle intimacy of their body language - the protective double-hand hold, the small-of-the-back circular rub, the nape-of-the-neck clasp while leaning in for a make-her-laugh whisper - has about it a sweet, genuinely-in-love contentedness. This is a couple that, when I look at them I think, "That's what I want. Not a slice of that, not most of that, not almost that -- I want that." And that, one day, I'll have. Again.

These two are reluctant movie stars. These are people who have more pressing and frankly more meaningful pursuits in their back pockets, but for at least one night, for one red-carpet-walk, they'll say "f**k it" and give in to all that is indulgent and fancy and glamorous about their industry. There will always be orphanages and refugee camps to worry about tomorrow, but tonight, it's time to kick off the motorcycle helmets and black t-shirts and usher in the A-list crowd with some Armani Privé.

There's no getting around the fact that Angie is at present frail-thin. Looking at pictures of her from the set of the first Tomb Raider film, it's clear she's unfortunately shed a good 10-15 pounds in recent years. And as much as fashion designers might think otherwise, the thinner a woman gets does not a better fit make. Therefore, I'm impressed with Angie's choice to wear this vintage Balmain couture black lace shift with chiffon straps and satin ribbon cinch. Not only is it simple and elegant but the straight-up-and-down cut also serves to add some much needed curves, invented as they may be, to her frame.

Angie's accessories are also spot-on. The simple peeptoe sets a sophisticated tone but allows the intricate pattern on the lace to be the rightful showpiece of the ensemble. With her hair in a half-upsweep, pearl-and-diamond drop earrings in their contrasting ivory hue was the perfect choice, because even though the dress is beautiful, it is not on its own particularly show-stopping. The bit of sparkle, not to mention the fabulous eye makeup and bad-girl tatts polish off the look nicely.

As for Brad...well, when you're standing next to Angie, there's only so much you can do.

Only hours earlier, Angelina also looked the pretty part (get a load of her close-up!) of Hollywood's sexiest mum in a mocha netted-neck matte-silk belted Elie Tahari blouse, slim black pencil skirt and the same trusty black satin peeptoes at a press event for A Mighty Heart: