07 May 2007

You SO wish, Biel.

This fine piece of British badunkadunk doesn't belong to Sienna Miller or Keira Knightley.

And good guess, but no, it's not the backside of Billy Zane's insanely hot girlfriend, "actress" Kelly Brook, either.

Believe it or not, but this bah'um - born to Ilyena Vasilievna Mironov - has won an Oscar, two Golden Globes in a single year (three total), and perhaps most impressive of all, has been around for six decades and change.

That's right, this sweet behind (and those fierce black toenails) belongs to none other than 62 year old Dame Helen Mirren.

Until I discovered Ms. Mirren this past year, I blindly believed the line I heard other parents feeding their defeated children when I outperformed them year after year in the Grammar Bees, the Student Government elections, and the from-home-plate-to-second-base throwdowns:

"Nobody wins everything, honey, somewhere along the line, she's going to lose, too."

Now, I suppose that has been true in my case (there was that one time...), but certainly not in Helen's. Not when it comes to professional success or hotness longevity, anyway. To jog your memory, this is the woman whose rack, without the benefaction of surgery, still looks unfathomably perky and full as an ingenue's half her age.

A fabulous ass, a tremendous chest, a happy marriage of 21 years and that elegant accent?

Now I know exactly how the other kids felt.

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