The can't-wait-to-wear-it-to-work dress

I realize not all of you climb out of bed each morning giddy with Christmas-Eve-like excitement over which all-black ensemble you'll assemble for work.

Just like I'll never understand how my brother can find unadulterated joy in creating "elegant code," most of you probably can't relate to the all-over tingle I experience when I discover the outfit to which Monte has given his final approval is a never-before-worn permutation of this black pouf-sleeve satin-piped boatneck blouse with that black tri-acetate ultra-slim pencil skirt with those black 4.25-inch croc-embossed almond-toed pumps.

Honestly, an all-over tingle.

To many, all-black, regardless of the cuts, the of-interest detailing or the richness of the fabrics, is representative of a kind of fashion safety - conformity, even - that perpetuates all that is wrong and boring and too-conventional on DC's professional style scene.

Pish-posh to that, I say.

But instead of launching into another one of my there's-nothing-wrong-with-all-black analyses, this time I'll go another route and acknowledge what the vast majority of the public wants, which in the case of a can't-wait-to-wear-it-to-work dress is likely not a simple black bought-in-11th-grade Banana Republic sheath. No, some of you like prints, some of you like non-black neutrals like grey, brown, navy and ivory, and still others - individuals I enjoy looking at but with whom I share very little professional-style kinship - enjoy draping themselves in this thing called "color."

With all that in mind, here is a selection of non-black (grey doesn't count), office-appropriate** frocks assured to start your day off on an I-feel-beautiful note and that will no doubt earn you "Love the dress" compliments on your way into, at, and on your way home from the office:

Alexa dress by Sofira ($352 at couturecandy.com)
Abel print dress by DvF ($241.50 at pinkmascara.com)*

Houndstooth knit jersey dress ($138 at bananarepublic.com)

Silk Duppioni Melanie dress by Tory Burch ($375 at toryburch.com)

Jackie O. tweed dress by Black Halo ($308 at ronherman.com)

Shirt dress by Lewis Cho ($110 at activeendeavors.com)

Mock turtleneck dress by Cynthia Steffe ($265 at nordstrom.com)

Plum dress by Trina Turk ($248 at nordstrom.com)*

Puff-sleeve shirtdress ($118 at macys.com)

Papillon printed border dress ($124.50 at shopbop.com)

Drape front Dolman dress by Rachel Pally ($68.40 at shopbop.com) Polka-dot shirtdress by Catherine Malandrino ($425 at urbanchiconline.com)

*dresses your Editrix might consider

**office-appropriate for those who are not required to wear a suit everyday

If I had a sugar daddy...

Volterra leather bomber by S.W.O.R.D.

$656 at shopbop.com

Since I don't (yet)

Cropped jacket by Sugar Lips

$84 at patriciafieldonline.com

So few do it better

Her songs may not be in any of my workout mixes, her collection of men may furrow my brow, her casual style may be a bit too ghetto-fabulous for my sheltered taste, and her films - with the exclusion of Out of Sight - may not be among my quite low-standard 2,300+ DVDs, but if there is one thing I love about Jennifer Lopez, one thing this woman does better than anyone out there, famous or not, is that she consistently finds party dresses that both flatter her gorgeous but nonetheless tough-to-dress curves and that strike the perfect 50-50 split between sexy and elegant.

Though I'm not particularly fond of the pearl-adorned hemline, I'm gape-mouthed shocked at her square-toed pump selection (I mean, honestly, why, when you have access to these?), and as my girl K pointed out to me yesterday, the front of this dress could do with a wide center-pleat and a more structured bodice, the showstopping lantern-style neckline I so love complemented by a sheer, mesh overlay, a not-too-long-not-too-short hem tied together in an oh-so-seasonal ivory linen more than make up for these deficiencies.

Once again, J.Lo's out showin' the young ones how to get it done.

If only they were paying attention...

The *perfect* blouse FINALLY FOUND!

I thought the day might never come...

But here it is and in my favorite-for-Fall color, no less:

Silk pleated cap-sleeve top ($68 at bananarepublic.com)

And in case you need a memory jog, the blouse that started the quest:

What to do when the ladies are large

There are serious mixed messages in our society, specifically related to the female bust. While the rate of augmentations would suggest that larger breasts are becoming more common, the fashion industry does not seem to care! As a size 6, 5'5'', 34D/DD, professional female, I have spent hours trying to find clothes, work clothes in particular, that are cut to flatter my shape. With a larger chest, you risk button-gaping, too-short torso (when tucking in a shirt), and of course the cleavage issue-- none of which meet "professional" standards. Please don't get me started on suit jackets. Instead I've found a lot of things that make me look pregnant, require endless tailoring to add darts, etc. As much as I love looking good, I'm starting to settle into a boring fashion rut because I can't find anything flattering (that is also reasonably priced, pre-tailoring). Any suggestions? Thanks!

Though I only enjoy to a minor degree the frustration you've described, believe me when I say I have nothing but sympathy for you.

Well, that's not completely true.

You're 5'5", a size-6 and rock a 34D bosom -- professional clothing dilemma aside, you must know how fortunate you are that you get to look in the mirror every morning and see what most women - and men - would call the ideal female frame.

Now before I start in on work-appropriate, heaving-rack friendly, above-the-waist wardrobe components, I first encourage you to make sure your up-top underpinnings are the correct size and provide your girls with a sufficient amount of support. For those with a large C-cup and over, starting your day off with an ill-fitting bra can not only cause pain to the shoulders and lower back but more devastatingly, have you looking droopier, misshapen, dumpy, even (gasp) heavier than you really are.

If you're not sure if you have the right bra, I'd recommend heading over to the fine department store nearest you and hit up the nice woman in the "intimates" section with the tape measure around her neck. There's no pressure to buy that $84 Aubade t-shirt bra, but remember, for you larger-chested ladies, an inexpensive, thin-strapped demi-balconette with Chantilly trim is just not in your professional future. One of the few downsides of bigger breasts is that your day-to-day bras are not going to look as cute and strip-teasey as you might like. Please don't fight this.

Once you've locked-and-loaded the girls in a properly-fitting bra, let's discuss the kinds of tops you should avoid:

Anything with an empire-waist (you'll look bosomy and waist-less), a deep-plunge neckline (you might as well draw an arrow to your cleavage), and busy-in-front detailing (excessive ruffling, adornments, tuxedo-bibbing, or a billowy cowlneck will only add more volume to the area you're trying not to highlight) is off-limits. Additionally, anything emblazoned with a print that's made from a delicate, gauzy fabric (think single-ply cashmere or superfine merino wool) has to be left out, for the simple reason that design-distortion almost always occurs when a big chest meets thin, stretchy fabric.

With what does that leave you? Fewer options than most but let's not forget the second most important part of this equation -- your small waist.

The problem with trapeze/empire silhouettes on a frame like yours is that the only cling that takes place is the one at your chest, leaving everything from the bottom curve of your breast downward swimming under a tent of silk, linen, cotton or whatever fabric you happen to be wearing. The taut size-6 waist you've worked so hard to achieve will look to you and those around you two-to-four sizes bigger, depending on the thinness of the rest of your limbs (I've learned the neck, ankles and wrists are the most helpful predictors of a woman's overall shape).

So yes, once again, I advocate shirts, blouses, sweaters, shells and jackets that allow you to demonstrate in spite of your heavy chest you don't have a heavy mid-section.

I also propose simple necklines - scoop, square, boat, Mandarin, subtle-sweetheart, etc. - and incorporating your personal flair with accents farther away from your chest, an effect that can be achieved with a showpiece sleeve (think flutter, cap, tiered, or pouf) or unique hemline (think scalloped, piped or contrast-colored). I know the button-up shirt is every large-chested girl's worst enemy, but your only choices with this style are to either swear them off entirely or do as you mentioned in your question and visit your friendly tailor after purchasing the size that fits snugly, yet keyhole-free, across your girls. When it comes to button-ups - and for the most part, suit jackets as well - with proportions like yours, my dear, tailoring is the only option for a proper drape.

My last two cents are to go neutral up top (nothing says "look at me here!" like a bright color or wild print) and always opt for a slim, lower-rise fit from the waist-down. Were I you, I'd altogether avoid the wide-legged trousers, lampshade-shaped A-line skirts and high-waisted anything, because even if you stepped out at 5'9" in a pair of ASJINE wishlist 4-inchers, a large chest and a wide leg - and likewise, a large chest and a waistline hiked up to the ribcage - do not a size-6 look. The proof is in the pudding.

Here below are a few styles - a starting point, mind you, not an exhaustive list - I hope will satisfy both your inclination toward professional modesty and your desire not to look like the middle-aged secretary who gave up her quest to find a heavy-chest-flattering wardrobe two decades ago.

Enjoy.

Ania blouse by Antonio Melani ($128 at dillards.com)

Center-button blouse by United Bamboo ($166 at activeendeavors.com)*
Silk puff-sleeve top by August ($58 at macys.com)
Frilly sleeve top by Sara Berman ($119.90 at nordstrom.com)
Silk charmeuse wrap-top by BCBG Max Azria ($178 at nordstrom.com)


*I love this blouse, but I would recommend you try to find something with a more severe, less gradual shoulder-to-waist taper (remember, these are starting points!)

If I had a sugar daddy...

Pleated denim pant by Parameter

$215 at daszign.com

Since I don't (yet)

Key Largo denim trousers by Meli-Melo
$98.99 at bluefly.com

Not even Cindy could've gotten away with it

I have heard with firsthand authority from three very reliable sources on three staggered occasions - once in the late '80s, once in the mid-'90s and once last Summer - that Cindy Crawford, in person, is the most naturally beautiful celebrity on the block.

The first witness, a then-17 year old high school friend of my brother's, cited (not surprisingly) Cindy's slim, athletic physique as what first drew his attention and then, after closer inspection, dropped his jaw; the second witness, a man of more "seasoned" age and coincidentally the one responsible for my thankfully now-over 15 month binge on Rachael Yamagata music, Anne Sexton poetry and bags upon bags of Tropical Skittles, couldn't get over her skin, bone structure and "perfect posture"; the third, a girlfriend of like age and like taste in girl-crushes, was stopped-short by how effortlessly her clothes fit, both in drape and style ("I never really knew what 'Cindy Crawford style' looked like until I saw her, and then it just hit me over the head.").

Point is, from what I hear and from what I can tell in most every picture I've ever seen of her, Cindy is that rare-looking creature that no matter what she's wearing (or not wearing) elicits the "It looks good on her, but on anyone else..." reaction.

You know what I mean -- the boucle suit, the suspender jeans, the capri pants, those horrendous oxford bootie-heels that are supposed to be so in-vogue for Fall. None of these could do 99.9% of women justice but on someone like Cindy (or my delicious friend O, a picture of whom I wish I could show you) you might be able to eke out a "Yeeeeah, I guess I can see that working" rationalization.

Where is all this going?

Well, I finally saw something today as I returned from lunch at Panache (just off ConnAve by the ABC News building) that not even as-close-to-perfect-as-perfect-comes Cindy could have pulled off.

And it looked a little somethin' like this:

But think black pointy-toed, ankle-strap heels instead of boots and a boxy navy pinstripe blazer atop a denim button-up instead of an olive t-shirt.

As the ladies on GFY often say when there really isn't anything left to say...there are no words.

I'd go out with Eva, too

In case you hadn't heard, Jane, one of the small handful of wry, extraordinarily well-written, substantive-but-not-too-substantive fashion magazines has been "let go" by its parent company, Condé Nast.

I wasn't robbed by a shortened subscription or devastated because Jane was the magazine at the center of my if-I-could-have-any-job fantasy (that would be Marie Claire), but I am nonetheless heartbroken both because the writing was that good and for as long as I can remember, it - along with Lucky - served as my reliable, get-me-through-my-layover one-two punch.

With its subtle feminist message, salacious word-choices, generous mix of low, mid and high fashion promotion and the audacity with which its writers intruded upon celebrities' lives instead of simply recycling the tired "tell us how you became so fierce!" fare you find in every issue of People, Glamour and Cosmopolitan, Jane will no doubt go down in periodical history as the foul-mouthed tomboy of the fashion mag crew.

The hot foul-mouthed tomboy with a brain, ambition, glowing skin and a fantastic rack, that is.

Considering its reputation and penchant for being much more Betsey Johnson than Anna Wintour, it's only fitting that for its farewell issue, editor-in-chief Brandon Holley chose as her cover girl the saucy, "I work hard for my body and yeah, I like it" Cuban treat that is Eva Mendes.

Enjoy, and be sure to remember those three magic words...

Click. To. Enlarge.