Dressphemy (pt. II)

As I told you many a month ago, I simply adore this glittery-gold, cap-sleeved, slim-cinched Monique Lhuillier mini with front keyhole and sweet, pleated neckline. It's prim, it's showstopping, it's unique in its cut, fabric and color -- for lack of a better term, it's one of those dresses I would describe as "to die for."

You can understand, then, why I had to delay the piece on Fall handbags I'd intended to post this afternoon to address this, only the second instance I've come across in seven plus months of blogging in which I feel wholly justified in using the term "dressphemy."


Before today, I didn't know much about Hayden Panettiere other than the fact she celebrated her coming-of-age with a "tasteful" FHM spread, that she has a Mom even more intent on out-hotting her daughter than LiLo and that she plays some cheerleader on some show everyone keeps telling me is worth skipping Friday night reruns of "To Catch a Predator" for, but after a scant bit of Internet research, I've come to learn that what I suspected was in fact the truth -- Hayden, listed on IMDB.com as 5'1" (which in real life translates to 4'10") has a figure that both in height and width is akin to that of an Olympic gymnast's.

Oh, and that she has a thing for tight, unflattering gold dresses.

Now I know, I know, she's cute as a button, isn't too thin, isn't too fat, consistently wears underpinnings, probably still writes 'thank you' notes after sleepovers and is, in my opinion, much healthier and much more attractive than the model in the first picture, but even so, there is no denying the fact that sister has some disproportionately muscular thighs for her slim frame. And judging by how flat a tummy she has, my guess is them trunks are here to stay. My friend L has disproportionately tiny shoulders, my other friend G shares Eva Mendes' condition of disproportionately large hands and I, mostly by my own doing but in part due to genetics, have disproportionately large calves. It happens. It's frustrating, for sure, but somehow both life and style go on. The trick is, of course, learning how, with the use of certain cuts, colors and fabrics, to effectively draw attention to and away from certain parts of your body.

Specifically, my issues with Hayden in this dress are threefold:

(1) She is too diminutive and too disproportionately thick in the hip-thigh region to pull off a fitted mini successfully; I'd wager, based on the number of unintended folds in the material of the skirt and the placement of her left hand, pretty Miss Panettiere would agree with me that in theory, in the lookbook, this dress was a good idea, but in practice...not so much. And from my vantage point, not so comfortable or confidence-enhancing, either.

(2) She should have had Monique "let out" the bustline a half-inch so the keyhole could lie flat and narrow as it was originally intended. The way it looks here (and even in pictures when she wasn't raising her arm), the slight "peek" of skin we're meant to see instead resembles a puckered, pulling cleavage porthole more befitting the likes of designers Cavalli or Versace whose dresses, while still sexy, aspire to a much less traditionally ladylike aesthetic than Ms. Lhuillier's.

(3) She should have chosen an ensemble that smacked less of night-on-the-town and more of morning-meet-and-greet for her, um, morning meet-and-greet. Yes, you're in Paris, and yes you're a young celebrity in the epicenter of all that is fashionable and c'est la vie, but gold lamé - tight gold lamé - in the AM? Tsk, tsk.

For a seemingly sweet little thing who's forged a path thus far of consistently promising style choices, I have to admit, today, I'm more than a bit disappointed in the indestructible cheerleader.

Either that or I'm just really, really jealous.

Quote of the day: Suzie Yalof Schwartz

"That is TOO much cleavage for the White House."

(Glamour Magazine's Executive Fashion Director Suzie Yalof Schwartz to GMA anchor Robin Roberts while dress-shopping at Saks for tonight's in-the-Queen's-honor State Dinner)

Below is a picture of the dress - a Spring/Summer 2007 Monique Lhuillier creation - on which Robin, with Suzie's emphatic support, ultimately decided.


I'm not a fan of the beaded empire-waist, but then again, I'm not a fan of beaded anything. Where I regain interest, however, is in the distressed organza detailing on the upper-part of the straps, along with the dramatic thick-to-thinning of the fabric at the top of the shoulders that creates an illusion of weightlessness and out-of-nowhere straplessness.

And then there's the beauty of the back -- a deeper than its frontal counterpart, almost to the waistline, V-cut plunge. In a word, stunning. But don't take my word for it, look closely below and you can catch your own glimpse of it sashaying off the runway.

Though I couldn't find the exact champagne-hued Alberta Ferreti gown Roberts initially tried on (the one that elicited the above quote), the difference between it and this one above is the way in which the neckline - also a deep-V - pushed her breasts together instead of letting them fall naturally. Instead of looking regal, she looked pageanty, but even worse than that, she looked State Dinner inappropriate. In the Lhuillier gown, like the model's, Roberts' chest was exposed but did not bare any visible cleavage.

If the dowdy custom-made turquoise Oscar de la Renta frock the First Lady will be donning tonight is any indication of tonight's white-tie style standard, even though it wouldn't have been my choice, there's little doubt in my mind Robin's dress will earn her the "best in show" title.

Sorry, Queen Elizabeth II, even with your sure-to-be-a-conversation-piece hat, you're not even in the running.

I apologize for my carelessness.

Just minutes after posting my last post, it hit me where I'd seen Dita's blouse.

Because the only picture I saw of Teese-me was from the chest up, I didn't realize that what I thought was a blouse was actually the top half of a dress I'd singled out and praised during my Bryant Park phase.

As you can clearly tell, Dita was not wearing my *perfect* blouse but rather an equally perfect Monique Lhuillier cocktail dress from the designer's not-yet-released-in-stores Fall/Winter 2007 collection.

I promise to be more careful in the future.

The *perfect* party dress

I still haven't decided what to wear tomorrow night, but here are the few I'd be toying with if I had the bank account of my dreams.

And yes, the first one is completely made of leather. Meeeow.

Top to bottom:
1. J. Mendel
2. Derek Lam
3. Jenni Kayne
4. Bill Blass
5. Rachel Roy
6. Salvatore Ferragamo
7. Luca Luca
8. 3.1 Phillip Lim
9. Bottega Veneta
10. Monique Lhuillier*

*your editrix's top pick