10 May 2007

"Don't mix your colors."

That's what A, my Kiwi co-worker in Daqing, always used to say when he saw anyone about to make the beer-to-red-wine or baijiu-to-whiskey-to-rum transition:


"Eef theh's won theeng I no-oh, eet's don't meex yeh kuh-lehs!"


While apropos for drinking, the "Don't mix your colors" rule, contrary to what one DC woman who works at the National Geographic Society seems to think, does not apply to the world of professional dress. So unless you're one of those "don'tcha-wanta-wanta" ladies who's required by contract to wear a head-to-toe monochromatic ensemble, it is not only advisable but flat-out required for you to wear more than one color to the office.

Black, of course, being the only exception. If you need help with how to do the all-black, click here and let me give you a refresher course.

Back to the National Geographic lady. You love green, I get it and that's great, but that doesn't mean you should let yourself supersaturate in the color with a pair of tapered, leaf green Mom cords, lime green Moroccan-beaded flats, a faded-from-not-following-the-"hand-wash-only"-label kelly green cotton cable crewneck sweater, and I shit you not, a perfectly-matching-the-shoes lime-hued leather barn coat.

I'm not going to degrade this woman with the predictable Kermit the frog comparison or take the erudite path with an Iago analysis, but what I will do is call this look lazy, silly and unprofessional.

Evidenced by the effort it must have taken her to compile all these green wardrobe components (I wouldn't even know where to begin to look for a jacket that color), this woman clearly cares about presentation. And despite their Mom-like cuts, the excellent fit of each piece further bolsters this claim. How then, can a woman who meticulously coordinates and pays such careful attention to the just-right drape of each one of those fabrics against her frame, fall victim to a fashion mistake even kids on the short-bus know to avoid?

Then again, there are more important vexing issues for which my analytic faculties are better suited -- for example, how the sultry hotness that is Amy Winehouse - and potentially your next Bond Girl - can in the space of only a few months go from this to this to this below.


Oh right, a heroin and heartbreak cocktail. That'll get you every time.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

that is griz-oss. blech.

bff in chicago said...

I see those people all the time! Head to toe pink, orange, yellow...and like you said, often these are the most carefully put together women on the street! It's just so confusing.

And wrong with a capital "W".

Anonymous said...

you really shouldn't make fun of kids. is nothing off-limits for you? grow up, you're not the cool kid in high school anymore, you're an adult. Kind of.

Brooke said...

The premise of this blog is a critique. If you don't like it, don't read it. I think it is cowardly for people to attack someone anonymously. Very childish!!!

Johanna said...

Take that, witchy woman!

Jen said...

I'm pretty sure the kids weren't the victims here, but maybe I should read it again with my douchebag glasses on.