In the spirit of 'High Fidelity'...

The Top 5 Fashion Crimes* Perpetuated by DC Women:

No. 5

The on-display butterfly collars you see blanketing the clavicles of women from Senator Clinton to the 22 year old Georgetown grad who sat next to you at the CIA information session. Not even pretty Katy Heigl can get away with a subtle variation of this look, so chances are you and your kite-sized shoulder runners aren't pulling it off, either.

No. 4

Those of you who encourage or allow your boyfriends to wear skinny jeans. "Junk outline" wasn't attractive on my of-large-carriage OAKS softball coach back in the third grade, and I've discovered - courtesy of my apartment's close proximity to the Black Cat - that it's still mouth-squinchingly unsettling, even on a rail-thin hipster.

No. 3

Mistaking a t-shirt for a blouse. Just because you wouldn't pack it in your WSC gym bag doesn't mean it belongs under your suit jacket or paired with a tri-acetate pencil skirt. If it has a crewneck, loosely-fitting short sleeves and nary a hint of waistline tailoring (think: box-shaped), do yourself a favor and save it for the next Nationals game.

No. 2

Those stupid, stupid scarves. I realize this is an obvious one, but just walk down any block of NW DC and you'll realize that despite the large number of legitimate critiques, these puppies are as prevalent as ever. The only women who can get away with wrapping one of these toxic accessories around their neck/shoulders or tied to their handbag straps are the kind who are so inherently stylish they could get away with wearing leggings, pooties and a newsboy cap. For the other 99.9% of us, a decorative scarf, be it from the Hermès flagship store or a Steinmart discount bin, has us looking about as fierce as Dorothy Zbornak. Less so, actually.

No. 1

The short, fat heel. I mean, really, why even bother? A one-inch boost neither accentuates your calf muscles nor lengthens your frame. Does 5'5" honestly make you feel more in-the-zone than 5'4"? I find anything more diminutive than a three-inch heel - not just for me but for any woman - a real waste of the wearer's time. If you have a medical condition or you simply have an aversion to looking overtly feminine, just wear a cute flat -- there is certainly no shortage of them these days.

*this list inspired by my fashion-crime-filled walk home last night and the cozy viewing of High Fidelity, my second favorite** John Cusack movie, shortly thereafter.

**not a better movie, I realize, but it holds a very dear sentimental place in my heart

Tell Lloyd Dobler I said, "Thank you"

If you're one of the individuals who will spend this Saturday evening at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner and thus be within breathing distance of my current love and a love from one of the brightest, dearest corners of my teen-idol past, I envy you. The latter of these two is a man I first encountered in the mid-'80s as high school loser Bryce, rediscovered in 2000 as Rob Gordon, then for whom I fell hard - really hard - a year later as Jonathan Trager, but who will always, always be, to me, the sweet-natured, misunderstood, "sport-of-the-future" kickboxer Lloyd Dobler.

It was Lloyd's unflinching I-will-hold-this-boombox-above-my-head-and-make-you-listen-to-Peter-Gabriel-on-repeat-until-you-admit-you-feel-the-same-way-I-do perseverance that helped shape for me - and for so many other girls - what it was I wanted in a man.



He taught me to want a man who would clear a path for me even if it was in a 7-11 parking lot.

He taught me to want a man who when he discovered my earmarked dictionaries (or in my case, stacks and stacks of SAT prep flashcards) would look down, smile, and think to himself, "So her."

He taught me to want a man who, even when he was out with the guys and I was nowhere in sight, would say things like:

"This girl was different, man. We'd go out, we wouldn't even have to go out, you know? We'd just hang out. This girl made me trust myself, man. I was walking around and I was feeling satisfied. Can you imagine that?"

So if you happen to run into John Cusack by the crudites tray two nights from tonight - he'll likely be flanked by John McLaughin, the closet Serendipity fanatic who invited the actor - give him my very best and please tell him I said, "Thank you."

Oh yeah, tell him to stick to the romantic comedies, too. No more Identity bullshit.

And just because fantasy is fun, if I were actually going to this chichi gala and money weren't an issue, my ensemble would include this royal purple layered silk Malandrino couture gown with lantern neckline, empire waist and bubble-hem from her Fall/Winter 2007 collection (price upon request), these barely-there Azzaro jeweled t-strap sandals ($1,680 at bergdorfgoodman.com), this metallic box clutch by Bottega Veneta ($2,250 at net-a-porter.com) and my own stack of yellow-gold Indonesian bangles: