19 February 2008

"Have a nice flight, sir."


Forget that my naturally long lashes were painted twice over with Cover Girl 'Marathon' mascara in "very black".

Forget that I was wearing a cropped bomber and fitted -fitted verging on tight- straight-leg jeans, the combination of which unmistakably outlined my waist-to-hips contour.

Forget that the timbre of my voice is consistently described as somewhere between "sweet" and "girlish."

Forget that I had on my feet and dangling off my forearm a pair of patent leather four inchers and a black leather tote, respectively.

In truth, what stunned me most about my being addressed as a "sir" yesterday was not that the screener -a young man who, given his position as the first line of airport security presumably had no serious vision impairments- had in his possession a driver's license that not only informed him of my first name but also included a 2005 photo from when I was in the thick of my 'Nicole Richie long bob' phase and still thought I looked sufficiently unfeminine to warrant a male assignation, but rather my reaction to his mistake.

I honestly didn't care. My feelings weren't hurt. I had no desire to correct him.

In fact, my first reactions upon hearing these five words were to tilt my head ever so slightly, look this boyish twenty-something squarely in his blue eyes, smile, and say, "Thanks, I will."

Check back later today for the Volvo style epiphany that came to me as a result of my interaction with Derek the Dayton Airport security screener.

*to those who identified the 1985 movie from which the above film still was taken, you've earned my utmost respect

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Just One of the Guys, perhaps?

Johanna said...

Yes!

Velvet said...

Oh, Just One of the Guys was the BEST! When my family finally got cable, that was the movie playing over and over and over. For years after, everyone in my family would say at the most inopportune times: "Look, tits" as a nod to the part where she reveals her true identity.

Don't take what airport security says seriously. Remember, these are the people who let a bunch of box cutters through.

from Ohio said...

Did you go back to Meijer?

Anonymous said...

Funny...I was watching Sixteen Candles last night and thinking how very Molly Ringwald you are with your pout and short hair. That's a compliment since MR was THE coolest back in the day.

Love "Just One of the Guys"! Especially the scene where they all go to make out in that cave...

crafty kim said...

too funny! Derek must've had a long day to think you were a dude.

I just added 'Just One of the Guys' to my Netflix queue!

Dave said...

You're bad. Real bad. You're just asking for your old Anonymous and his friend Anonymous to tell you that you look like a dad and women shouldn't have short hair.

Joyce Hyser never looked like a dude in that movie. Or looked 17 either. But that's another story.

Derek may call everyone sir. Better than actually thinking, you know? Glad to hear the 'do contributes to your confidence enough that you're not bothered.

m street admirer said...

You look nothing like a guy, I'm guessing the security guard was just tired and/or unobservant. Neither bodes particularly well for Ohio's national security.

Teek said...

I'm also surprised your anons haven't come out to tell you that your manly features are why you'll never feel the touch of a man and the only rewarding feeling in the world for a woman: having babies.

I was once denied boarding for looking not enough like myself in my actual ID and had to use my old fake ID to get on the plane. So uh, the people they have doing screening don't bolster my trust in homeland security.

Alexandra said...

I probably wouldn't have even flinched. I sign all work-related e-mails with "Alex", so I get a lot of "sir" back. Occasionally, I get a "kind sir" and that's extra-special.

jf said...

3 of the past 4 times I've gone through airport security, the passport examiner-person has looked at one of my full page visas (which is in French and says Republique du Mali in big letters across the top) instead of the actual ID page. So I think their acuity is more debatable than your femininity.

Anonymous said...

will this finally convince you to grow your hair back out??!

Anonymous said...

Wow! It took a whole 3 hours and 26 minutes for a snarky comment!

Anons, you all are slipping. And "Not impressed?" I'm not impressed with your performance here today.

a guy, but not Derek said...

I don't like short hair much, but if I were to ever date a girl with short hair, I'd like hers to look like yours.

For whatever that's worth.

Son of a Seamstress said...

'Airport Security'...you'd think we'd be hiring better personnel after all that has happen. It's rather scary to me that he could not notice the difference between a man and a woman (even with verification in hand).

When I think of any type of 'flash light' security, I think of Otis. You just can't take them seriously!

Anonymous said...

anonymous 11:31...

If you don't like those who leave neagative comments, then why are you baiting them?

dc girl said...

looooooooooove 'just one of the guys'!! i had such the crush on the popular blond guy when i was younger.

Maxie said...

I got called sir yesterday too... and I have ridiculously long hair. Maybe there was something in the water.

etcetera said...

i've never even heard of "just one of the guys." yikes.

Tiger said...

I once called a guy "ma'am" because I wasn't looking right at him and just reacted naturally to his long hair. He looked mildly pissed. heh

CM said...

love your blog!

elleabouttown said...

Johanna,

It's been a well-deserved break, and I've enjoyed witnessing your particular brand of fabulousness though personal photos and accounts, but please get back to your roots, if only to address the following:

When: 3 p.m today
Where: Crosswalk of 20th and K
Who: DC "professional" woman, 30s
Wearing what:
Purple crocs
Black opaque tights
Frayed denim skirt
Black velvet evening showpiece coat
White gloves
Bad blonde chunky highlights with visible darker blonde roots

Shudder!

olivia said...

I would've loved to have seen that hot mess! DC has been so dull this Winter. Ugly is ugly but it beats J. Crew nation.

Anonymous said...

you must have something up your sleeves, why else would you be so busy?

huge fan said...

I knew that was you at Reagan last night! Leather jacket and killer black pumps?

Where were those shoes from??

miami fan said...

I rely on your storytelling to end my day on a good note. Mission accomplished!

ms. spinach said...

ha! the boyfriend and i were clicking through comcast's freebie on demand movie offerings last night (which are generally just. awful!), and "just one of the guys" was one of the only ones we could agree upon to watch.

(we ended up seeing the marc jacobs/louis vuitton documentary, but i suspect jottg will have its moment soon enough.)