20 October 2007

When clothes you want to fit *don't* - a heartbreak in two parts

The successes from yesterday's trip to the new Zara in Penn Quarter/Metro Center to be celebrated in full, photographic glory on Monday. Get excited, too, because I took so many pictures in the two hours I was there that I even received my first concerned, "Um, Ma'am, is everything all right in there?"

Oh, and it was - "all right" and then some - but you'll have to wait a couple more days to see those treasures.

For now, let's focus on the tragedies, those two pieces that could have and would have added so much texture and additional-permutation potential to my Fall/Winter wardrobe had they just been a bit more...how shall I say, forgiving.

Heartbreak #1:
the ivory asymmetric, ruffle-front silk halter blouse ($39)
"So me. That's all I can think, this is so me. The neckline, the ruffling, the neutral color. I could wear it with my high-waisted wide-legged trousers, my high-waisted skirts, my...wait a minute, is that my nipple?"
"Unless I want to walk around hiding my bit's bit, not to mention show off a mid-section full of one-size-too-small wrinkle-age, I better put this in the 'no' pile."

Heartbreak #2:
brown tweed pencil sheath with front pocket-pouch ($99)
"Love love LOVE the rolled collar. And those half cap-sleeves - I don't have a single work dress with sleeves like these. The top half is snug, but once I wear a bra with less embellishment and less up-and-out push, it could totally work..."
"Okay, yeah, this is tight. Really tight. This is creeping up on KimKar-in-Hervé-Léger tight. It could still work, though, if I have Alicia let it out an inch and I wear my new Slim Cognito."
"This is not good. This reminds me of the time when _____ left me in Coach to sit by himself in First Class because it was 'more comfortable'. This is the point when I know I need to walk away."


Anonymous said...

Holy fat stomach! I can't believe you'd share that midsection with the world! Makes me like you more, but still, why would you do that to yourself?

Johanna said...

Anonymous 1:10-

I thank you for your recognition that posting such unflattering pictures of myself wasn't easy (believe me, I hemmed and hawed all morning), but come on, "fat"?

The only way I could prove you wrong is to strip down and snap you a shot of my stomach, but I can't do that because I promised my parents no more racy pics on this blog. I've probably already crossed the line with the near nipple shot, so I guess I'll just have to let you have your opinion, wrong as it may be.


16th streeter said...

I tried on that dress earlier in the week and had the same problem. Like a lot of their dresses, this one was straight up and down with no room for curves. And, to make matters worse, the material had no stretch. I don't think it would've looked good on anyone who didn't have a boyish physique.

you hardly look fat in these pictures, but I think you know that.

Anonymous said...

When I started reading your blog several months ago, you influenced me to adopt a moisturizing routine - and last night it totally paid off. I was at the bar with my BF and his investment banker coworkers and one of them came up to me and grabbed my arm to tell me something - then he remarks "WOW - your skin is SO soft - you must moisturize. Hey, *other coworker* come over here and feel how soft her skin is!" So, thanks!

DC Native said...

Um, that doesn't look like a belly; that just looks like the creases in the fabric! Thin material, plus the likelihood of sitting down while wearing it to work, will do that. Sheesh.

You couldn't fix the nipple issue with a different bra? Bummer. It's super cute.

Alexandra said...

That ruffled shirt is wonderful. Of course, I probably couldn't have pulled it off either ( big boobs and that shirt would probably not work well).
And...you are not fat!! The dress is clearly cut unforgivably for any woman who has any curve.

denver fan said...

That top would've looked great a size up - did they not have one?

Anonymous said...

i cant wait to see what you got!! :) reading this post is making me want to go back to Zara tonight!!!!

not a fashion queen said...

I am with Denver Fan, why didn't you try on the ruffle shirt in a size larger. Please tell me you aren't so vain as to no by something that has a size medium tag. If the tag bothers you cut it out. I have a big chest and constantly have to buy a size up and have the waist nipped.

Johanna said...

Denver Fan/Not a Fashion Queen-

The size I have on in the picture is actually an XS, not a S. The only other size available was a M, which was much too large in the shoulders and waist. That's the sad story of Zara, though -- what you need is almost never there :-(


dara said...

You were dating someone and he bought a seat in First Class and Coach? I don't get it.

It's too bad about the dress. It's really nice.

Oh and you don't look fat at all. What is up with some of your readers criticizing your body so often???

Anonymous said...

im with dara, its kinda bizarre why people are criticizing your body so much.

and yes, unfortunatly with zara its a hit or miss with the sizes (either the size you need is missing, it fits one part but doesn't in another). case in point i tried on a dress in both the XS and S, the XS fit on top but was too fitted on my hips, the S fit my hips a lot better, but the upper half was bigger than i would have liked.

KassyK said...

Just throwing it in there as well...You are so nowhere near fat. That is ridiculous.

And if that dress is unflattering on someone with your slim hipped, slender body type...I cannot even imagine what it would look like on the average woman.


d. said...

love that first picture/you new editrix picture..:) Haircut's great on you!

Meg said...

Glad you passed on stuff that didn't fit. It's so hard at times.

But what the heck was that one person thinking? You don't look fat at all in any of the photos -- and I'm not just saying that. There's obvious fit issues, but even then you don't look fat.

sarahsouth said...

not fat.
and phabulous.

Anonymous said...

Fruitless hoping, be damned! Johanna, it is after much consideration and despair that I dedicate this video to you. We live in the same city, yet you - with all your fashion fabulousness - seem a world away. Come to the Hill, Johanna. Come to the Hill.


Obviously, this video serves as a metaphor, as we are both straight women, I don't work at a diner and you, I suspect, don't often wear driving caps.

Brooke said...

Believe me, I know a fat stomach when I see one (in the mirror everyday) and Johanna does NOT have a fat stomach. I am saying this from seeing her in person everyday, but even in that picture I do not see fat.

Candid Cool said...

that blouse is beautiful it's too bad it didnt work

Dave said...

First thought on seeing pics: "Damn, this girl is hot."

Second thought: "Now she's opening herself up to be criticized about her looks or criticized about showing off her looks."

Beach Bum said...

I just have one comment: I wish I looked as fat as you do!

(If that's not obvious, for me to be as "fat" as you would involve me dropping several pounds and running hundreds of miles to catch up with your body!)

By the way, you have inspired me to buy new shoes, a couple of wrap dresses (I never knew they fit my curvy body before, and it looks perfect totally showing off my waist!) and a couple of trench coats as well... I'd like to say thanks, but damn, my bank account is suffering!! :)

bff in chicago said...

I can't get over how Parisian you look with this new 'do. So Audrey in "Amelie".

Two Zaras in DC now??? How unfair is that?

mollygee said...

Johanna, go back and buy that pencil sheath. It is perfect for you and for your lovely figure. And then head over to wherever you buy your Spanx and get yourself a Hide and Sleek Hi-Waisted Shaper. That will work better for this dress than the Slim Cognito. The Hide and Sleek does wonders. Really. No woman should have to give up a dress so perfect for her just because she doesn't have the right foundation.

nyc admirer said...

You little fibber, you *didn't* walk away from him. Not then, anyway ;-)

love the new pic.

mollygee said...

Sorry, the garment I'm recommending is called the Spanx Hide and Sleek Hi-Waisted Body Smoother, not Shaper.

Johanna said...

Anonymous 2:16-

Some of my favorite reader comments/e-mails are those telling me about how I inspired them to start a disciplined moisturizing regiment. Truly, it's the best bit of advice I think I have to offer. Skin is everything.

Anonymous 8:13-

Thank you...I think. Does this count as my first official platonic come-on? (smiling ear-to-ear)


Sweet, sweet, SWEET, but you do *not* have a stomach on you.


1. thank you :-)
2. you weren't kidding
3. I'm not ignoring you!! will send reply ASAP.

Beach Bum-

Thank you, and I'm pleased as punch to hear about your wardrobe's recent expansion! All the items you mentioned are staples -- ultimately, they pay for themselves.


Why, thank you, darling. And yes, TWO now. Hah!


I would, but honestly, even with a body slimmer, that dress wasn't going to fit. I wish I'd taken a pic of it on the hanger, because then y'all would see just how straight-up-and-down it was cut. Even with Spanx, I still have a curvature of the hips. Sigh...oh well.


Shush, you.


dc lawyer said...

Inspired by your trip on Friday, I took my first peek at the new Zara, and I have to agree with N...did I miss something? I couldn't find a single item in there that I liked enough to buy it. I want to come on your next shopping trip too!!

Anonymous said...

I love this post. And now I'm not going to feel so bad when a dress fits me the way this one fit you. Thanks!

mollygee said...

That dress was straight up and down, huh? What a shame. And why? Women aren't built straight up and down. Of course, even with Spanx you still have curved hips. So do I. It's nothing to sigh about. We're supposed to. We're women. Why oh why don't designers take that into account? Who are they designing for, models?

C said...

See, here's the difference between us:
Me in Zara Sunday: "This brown pencil dress is hot but it gives me KardashAss...Ring it up!" Wearing it today. The dress and I will pour out some of our lunchtime 40 for you and the no-doubt XS version that did not make it home with you.

tom h said...

Johanna all I can say is you look stunning.....