12 June 2007

Idea good. Dress bad. Backne worse

Yesterday, upon returning from Doggiestyle Bakery with a five-inch carob and peanut butter cake that read "Monte's Two!" in yogurt-piped icing in one hand and my Nano tuned to "Maneater" in the other, I snagged my favorite heels not once, not twice, but four times in the 18th St. cobblestones, because the woman in front of me - the woman to whom I was paying such rapt attention on my walk home I didn't even notice my skirt had done a 180-degree turn - was wearing the most distractingly cheap-looking, shiny satin, Pucci knock-off printed, ankle-length halter-style sun dress I'd ever seen.

It was so bad, I tell you, I barely even noticed her thick-strapped comfort sandals, chipped Grimace-purple toe polish and flagrant disregard for my shave-the-morning-of sleeveless-ness rule.

As nose-wrinkling and almost Hall-and-Oates-ruining as it was to walk two feet behind her accidentally-went-off-Yasmin-for-a-month induced back "rash," I had to acknowledge this woman's fabric fun-tent did remind me there was a very necessary Summer wardrobe staple still missing from my closet.

Perfect for sultry Summer nights monument-hopping with a lov-ah, lakeside picnics with the family in Michigan and girlfriends-only Champagne brunches at the Beacon, the long flowy sun dress, depending on the style you choose, is a nearly universally figure-flattering, not to mention minimal-effort-requiring, best-bet when it comes to warm weather outings.

Just please, go for cute flats like these instead of the Mephistos, commit to either on-or-off the polish, and for God's sake, if you can't remember to pick up your birth control, wear a cardigan.

Happy shopping!

Lilypad print long dress by Milly ($435 at saks.com)
Army topaz long dress by Sky ($138 at fashionchateau.com)*
Shiva dress by Free People ($148 at freepeople.com)
Long silk dress with gold belt by Rozae Nichols ($638 at ronherman.com)
Lucia maxi dress by ingwa;melero ($306 at shopbop.com)
Thick strap maxi dress by C&C California ($125 at revolveclothing.com)
Empire gown by Plenty by Tracy Reese ($150 at couturecandy.com)
Long chiffon dress by Tricia Fix ($275 at couturecandy.com) Long flutter-sleeve dress by T-Bags ($220 at pinkmascara.com)*

*your editrix's top picks


K said...

Love this category as I just wore my new T-Bags twisted strap long dress for the bf's rooftop party this weekend. Felt like a Glamour Gal of the late 70s. I'm already looking for another venue (with a different crowd) to trot it out again.

Anonymous said...

Love those *maxi* dresses as we call them in Britain. But I have to ask the expert -- are these best for the petite pixie or can tall women wear them without looking like statues of liberty?

Noelle said...

Great question, anonymous. I was actually thinking the opposite. I'm on the shorter side (5'3" on a good day) and I sometimes feel these long beautiful dresses make me look even more short. I love short sun dresses because I feel like they elongate my legs. I'm looking forward to hearing what Johanna has to say on the topic.

georgia said...

Second that Johanna...what do you think about this look on us short 5'3" to 5'4" girls vs. the glamazons at 5'7" and above?

Love that Tricia Fix dress!!! Have to dip into the savings I just put away because this will be perfect for a sexy dinner in Antigua this August.

Which reminds me...what would you wear to a wedding in Puerto Rico the last week of August? It's two Italian families, the couple is pretty hipster, and lots of bar industry people attending.Oh, and I'll need to wear a bra of some sort (it IS a wedding).

K said...

I'm 5'8" and had to wear three inch heels (spangled wedge espadrilles, keeping with the 70s theme) to prevent my dress from dragging on the ground.

Brunch Bird said...

Was at party with K and I can confirm that the dress was hawt.

georgia said...

Thanks for sharing the link, K. I'm totally thinking of getting that dress for the wedding (and some nights out this summer)...with some alteration to the hem of course :)

Anonymous said...

I am confused! Why are you guys asking for Johanna's advice on fashion - I believe that her profile states that she is a military analyst. I am sure in her educational experience (watching Project Runway) has given her great deal of perspective on the fashions of today - enough so to give advice to you suckas. I realize that this blog is nothing more than a group of friends gushing over the omni-intelligent and wise Johanna (note: you suck-as*es reading this), but maybe Johanna isn't good at critiquing as much as she is good at bitching?!?

Well I don't expect to see this entry make it into the blog, since Johanna will probably delete it before it makes it up (She probably likes China with all its freedom of speech and freedom of information rights walked on and disregarded, as I have two other remarks deleted). ta-ta, be-atches

Johanna said...


(1) I have only erased 2 comments in the history of this blog, both of which directly attacked members of my family, not myself. If you read through some of my other posts, you'll find plenty of people who, like yourself, disagree with me and my views on fashion, beauty, etc.

(2) How many people do you know actually have a formal background in the fashion industry, either educationally or professionally? Likewise, how many of your friends who are doctors, lawyers, hair stylists, and yes military analysts, *do* have great style? The two are not mutually exclusive.

(3) I honestly don't know - or know well - any of the ladies who wrote the above comments. And why is paying a compliment to or asking advice of someone considered "sucking ass"?

(4) The one point where I do agree with you is that I am top-notch at bitching -- pretty amazing since I didn't study that at all in college or grad school, don't you think?

Anonymous said...

1) Well, not true. State what you will I have at least one blog in my email that have you deleted – and it was on neither of the topics listed. Lying to save face – point made.

2) They are not mutually exclusive, for example I generally don’t get a contractor who isn’t licensed to work on my house; you can but the results are not always up to a ‘certain quality’ level I would expect. And sure people of many professions, lifestyles, gender, sexual preference have fashion sense, but street advice/commenting is a bit different than tearing into people on the web, from (as mentioned above) people without the prerequisite skills.

3) That was just for fun.

4) Top notch….well It would be if I thought you had any sort of confidence and self respect, because I really think that you are just pissed cause you can’t get your life together, happily, and so you have resorted to tearing others down. But I expect you will disagree with me on this point.

Anonymous said...

i agree with anonymous. i think you are are just bitter because on the web you can be anyone you want to be and play make-believe. you do not have a glamourous life and you are not carrie from sex and the city so dont pretend to be. not only is your life not as interesting as you try and make it sound but you are also not a size 2. please love yourself enough to admit that.

Johanna said...

You're right, I'm a 4.

Johanna said...

and when have I *tried* to make my life sound glamorous?

the most self-deprecating part of this blog has been the peeks into my very *in*active social life.

Like tonight, for example, when I'm having a birthday party for my puppy and all *his* friends.

intern in the city said...

I'm not a gusher like some of these other commenters, but are you KIDDING about her body? It's fu**king sick! Have you not seen some of the previous posts?

Attack only when you've got a case, haters.

dara said...

these 2 "anoymous" individuals make me laugh out loud.

I love how they don't know Johanna (I don't either) but are making slicing personal judgments about her body, her professional aspirations, her love life, and basically everything else under the sun.

If anyone's clearly bitter and tearing someone down just for sport, it's these 2!

Keep the humor (and poor run-on sentences) coming, kids!

dara said...

"anonymous," I mean.

dc girl said...

"...you are also not a size 2. please love yourself enough to admit that."


I don't even get that. And aren't Jo's main objects of female affection buxom women like Scarlett and Monica?

manhattanite said...

I think these people are upset because you pick on non-celebrities in addition to celebrities. There's something socially unacceptable about doing that.

Personally, I could give two shits about adhering to that double-standard. I think you're hysterical and quite on the mark when it comes to both your sense of style and your social criticism -- and I'm in fashion PR in NYC, so apparently my opinion counts for something.

bff in chicago said...

I actually have a dress of Johanna's in my closet right now and it is a size 2.

Anonymous said...

To the "you're also not a size 2" person, this probably qualifies me as obsessed, but check out the posts from February 21, March 17 and May 23.

If that isn't a size 2 it's something close. What was your point with that anyway? I agree with 'dc girl' - WTF?

Johanna said...


1. You're right, there were 2 others (I honestly forgot) but both were erased not to save *my* face but someone else's. You pointed out a mistake, I fixed it and didn't want to draw further attention to it or that person. If you felt slighted, I apologize.

2. You're just flat-out wrong here. Comparing contracting to fashion is beyond comparing apples and oranges. There are a discrete number of correct ways to shingle a roof, all of which require formal training or else the specifically designed purpose of the roof isn't served - there is no grayscale in this task. Here, there is right and wrong, with the latter meaning you have a wet and windy living room.

Putting together a great outfit, on the other hand, could go any number of ways depending on your operational definition of "great." You could go preppy, sultry, avant garde or completely off the wall -- it's up to you. There are rights and wrongs when it comes to fit and venue, but an outfit taken on its own can never technically be wrong. Style has never had as narrow a definition as you're implying it does.

3. Okay...

4. You're right, I don't have my life completely together yet. Almost none of my friends do. And who does, according to these indicators you're using to judge me and my failures? The stay-at-home mom with 2 smart kids? The successful journalist who travels two weeks a month and never sees her family or uses her vacation days? The trust-funder who still interns at MTV in her late 20s in hopes of landing her dream job as VJ? (sorry M, K and B, respectively, had to use you as examples to make a point)

Let's just end this conversation, okay? We disagree, we had it out and apparently, neither one was swayed to the other's side.

K said...

I'd like to lighten the mood a bit by pointing out something I can't believe I previously missed - the last model's horrifying visible thong line.

That's all.

Johanna said...


What a good call! I didn't even notice...and by the way, I love love LOVE your T-Bags dress! I'm not usually a print girl, but I really like the retro feel on that one. A great investment. And the site from which you brought it is great, too. Addin' it to the "Sugar Daddy" repetoire for sure.

back to the puppy party...

not a fan said...

a birthday party for your DOG?

I didn't think you could get any more pathetic, but yep, you just did.

what a joke. I feel sorry for this "dog" of yours.

nyc admirer said...

I would not feel sorry for Monte. He is the most loved little man on earth.

You pick on her lack of fashion education (?), her body (??) and now the way she treats her dog???

This is all so petty I feel like a tool even responding to your inane accusations.

Jo, don't let these assholes get you down. Keep that pretty chin up. Way up.

Anonymous said...

I don't like Johanna's assanine blog any more than the rest of you, but these attacks are completely bogus. She's pretty, has a great figure, never claimed in any way, shape or form to be living a SATC lifestyle and above all, clearly understands fashion. She may not dress the way I would dress if I had an unlimited budget, she may be a bitch, but she definitely has an approach that demonstrates her understanding of women's bodies and the clothes that go on top of them. And we're all insecure about certain things. That's such a cop-out to fling at someone you don't even know.

She introduced me to Amy Winehouse, which is the only reason I keep coming back here. More music tips, please!

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