03 April 2007

Please don't mini the pencil

On my late lunch break, I witnessed an item of clothing I never knew existed outside of "Sexecutive night" at the 'Vu in Lansing.

Right outside the four-door entrance to the Mayflower around 2:15 today, a rather zaftig woman in a crisp white oxford button-up, boxy denim jacket, four-inch pointy-toed black pumps and a fitted black pencil mini - and by "mini" I mean it was cut a good five or six inches above her knee - did her best to deride all that is holy about the coquettish conservative look I try so tirelessly to promote among women in this city.

The pleasant look on her plump face led me to believe she had absolutely no idea just how striking a resemblance she bore to the nice girl pictured above who's two seconds away from poking a hole in her sofa and from the look on her face, about two minutes away from getting her own hole...well, you see where I'm going with that.

My five quick pieces of advice to this poor girl who was hopefully only carrying out a dare levied upon her by her cruel, thin friends after a night of Limoncello shots at Smith Point, are these:

(1) Buy a proper pencil skirt that hits at - or at most one-inch above - the knee

(2) Spanx

(3) Moisturizer - who knew your chest and fingers could develop scales?

(4) Read carefully my post on keeping denim below the belt


(5) Wash your white dress shirts in cold water with whites ONLY. There's nothing wonderful about a blue-tinted white oxford.

I know spring brings out all kinds, but a pencil mini in Northwest DC on a Tuesday? Jesus, this isn't the Hill.


denver fan said...

a pencil mini, that's too funny. you're hilarious.

dc girl said...

From personal experience, I know you're right about the Hill being skanky. I was so disappointed you never posted about Rayburn style a while back, but I trust you'll make it up to us at some point :-)