27 February 2007

Unless you're off to Misquamicut State Beach...


Let's leave the canvas monogrammed navy grosgrain ribbon trimmed tote in the Rubbermaid storage bin marked, "for getting my tan on."

Not every girl is a bag girl, I understand that. In fact, I'm not a bag girl - I'm a shoe girl, a round-toed 3+ inch heel girl - but even so, I know the difference between a bag worthy of accompanying a pinstripe suit and trench to work and a bag more well-suited to schlep around a gaudy rainbow towel, SPF 8, liquid ephedrine and the last three issues of US Weekly.

Even if you're like the woman I saw this morning who was clearly using her Land's End tote as a supplementary gym bag, I still believe you can do better. And do so without paying too much more than the $34.50 (including the $5 monogramming fee) you wasted, I mean spent, on that very practical, sturdy, style-depleting tote.

On a positive note - for her, anyway - the bag did detract attention away from her bad highlights, cakey foundation line around her neck and ears and thick, cylindrical torso.

Perhaps she's smarter than her "Sudoko for Dummies" book implied...

Reasonably-priced gym bag alternatives that do not involve grosgrain-trim, canvas, or gothic script monogramming to come later in the day.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

you are TOO funny...

brown bear '02 said...

I don't get why women just grab anything in the morning, whether it be a bad bag like this or bad sneakers or bad makeup -- don't they take pride in the way they look? I'm not saying we all have to be as, how do I put this, *into ourselves* as you are, but we can at least not look like vagabonds!

You know I love you, don't be offended!

bff in chicago said...

cylindrical torso? that is just so awful-sounding...

a fan said...

I read the title, saw the picture, and immediately laughed out loud. 'anonymous' is right -- you are TOO funny.

Anonymous said...

My mom carries one of these bags.

And she's 54.

And lives in the suburban Midwest.

That's reason enough not to have one.