And by that I mean...
...don't drink dry the Prosecco and leave your brother's friend's party with an overcompensatingly confident pocket-man. Trust;
...don't wear jeans and a chunky, ribbed turtleneck sweater -- be the one woman at the house party who doesn't look like she just RV-ed it over from a Big-10 tailgate. Come on ladies, vow to be the 'wow' even the happily married men can't help but stare at every time you enter the room;
....don't skip the eyeliner or second coat of mascara;
...don't delude yourself -- if it's too tight, it's too tight. Wear something that won't have you tugging, de-wrinkling, and pulling out puckers all evening;
...don't allow a sloppy, streaky-haired blonde in a sequined tube top to spill her too-full Jack-'n'-Coke on your Marchesa Notte tulle party dress. Identify this type right away and steer clear;
...don't go out without having listened to "Down in Mexico" and "Toy Soldier" (preferably while you pick out and slip on your matching unmentionables for a captive, man-in-chair audience);
...don't arrive at the party without a nice two-drink pre-party buzz, especially if where you're going is likely to have a more his-friends crowd;
...don't forget to eat at least one carb-enriched item before you head out (I have this one taped to my forehead and handbag);
...don't without-warning cry over a lost love and ruin everything for everyone (no matter what they tell you, you will kill the evening and it will be remembered);
and finally,
...don't whip out your camera phone to show every person you meet the 60-shot slide-show of the dog you "miss like a motherf**ker". If they don't know you, you will come off as the crazy dog lady.
I'll be in New York City tomorrow through Tuesday, so unfortch -as K would say- I won't be posting until two days into the new year. I double, no triple promise to miss all of you...except for maybe when I'm eye-banging one of my dream guys at King Cole Bar, or when S and I discover the meaning of life when we make our first pilgrimage to Mecca.
21 comments:
I hate to admit it but that Britney song is HOT! have a great time in New York and don't feel guilty about taking a few days off. you've earned it, chica.
can I make a resolution for you? how about quitting the Kim Kardashian pictures? she's 100% trash and by associating yourself with her so often, you're kinda becoming...well, you know.
Maybe it's cuz I'm a black guy, but I'm sorry anonymous...You'll never convince me there's a downside to posting an ass that size on a regular basis.
It's not because you're black, T. You speak for all of us.
Sure, she's trash. Really curvy good looking trash. Bring it on.
N-Y-i-E
T, it's not that you're a man, either, because I dig looking at KimKar as well. The girl is eye candy for men, women, anyone.
Jo, you'll be happy to know that last year I was the tailgater, but this year you've inspired me to wear a dress and some pretty shoes. I can already tell my boyfriend is excited to show me off :)
happy new year!!!
dc stylist-
I know, right? I have to give Hot Redhead Lawyer props for picking that song out. While I was a "Get Naked" fan, she was on the "Toy Soldier" train from day one.
this break is gonna feel soooo good - nothing like four straight days in New York City with your college bestie!
anonymous-
Don't be a spoil sport. the only thing I'll promise you in 2008 is that I'll do my best to post fewer pictures of her in flip-flops.
T/N-Y-i-E-
Sigh...I love my male readers.
callie-
that puts a huge smile on my face! good for you on both accounts - embracing your love for Kim and prettying up for a party! Have a great time, and don't forget about the man-in-chair dancing...seriously, how hot was that scene?
kiss,
J
May you find NYC as fabulous as ever. Happy New Year and belated congratulations for one year of very dedicated blogging.
going to NYC this weekend too! What should I pack/wear? Help!
You do realize she is wearing flip flops in this picture, right?
that ass is somethin' serious alright. christ!
I'll be in New York along with you and anon 2:10...though I doubt we'll be hitting up the St. Regis with Gordon Gekko types ;-)
it's so odd, normally I'd read something like that and think, "what a stupid girl," but in all honesty, I believe you could tame a GG, and I'd pay to watch it.
and if anyone needs a mid-day laugh, this certainly did it for me a few days ago:
http://idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2007/12/kim-kardashian-and-reggie-bush-are-shopping.html
oops, try this:
http://idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2007/12/ kim-kardashian-and-reggie-bush-are-shopping.html
omg, carbs are KEY on new year's eve day. I don't care how Atkinsian your diet regularly is, a girl must eat carbs before a new year's party.
have fun!
you take away my pleated khakis, my Mom jeans, my wedged flip flops and now my sequined tube top too?? god damn, do I have anything else left in my closet?
have a faboo time this weekend. wish I were there for both the trip to Saks and the eye-banging of rich, unhappily married assholes.
p.s. I'd paste that second to last reminder onto your forehead/handbag as well :-)
ooooh our city looks forward to having you!
I'm with the others. Keep Kim.
have fun in the big city, but be careful of the Gekko types...wait, what am I saying? I should be warning them!
This is all really good advice. i'll take note of the one about eyeliner. Didn't even think of that. But I have to get you off this whole Mitt Romney thing. J, that relationship is going nowhere for you.
anonymous 2:10-
I need more details! What kind of weekend are you having? Dressy? Casual? Going out? Staying in?
Let me know and I'll advise!
best,
J
Mitt Romney is a total fox but Dave's right, those Mormons mean serious business when it comes to marriage. I'd pick a Catholic, they're totally depraved!
He may be a fox, but Mitt is only going to tell you what you want to hear and J is smart enough to see through that. And then he'll flip flop and go for the next attractive thing he sees. And Mitt won't be living in Washington any time soon.
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