05 February 2008

Italians and Brits claim DC women's abs weak, sex lives wanting


Well, sort of.

According to an international medical expert (i.e., some urologist at the University of Verona), women who regularly wear heels at least two inches tall register significantly stronger pelvic muscles than women with the same level of daily exercise whose feet don't enjoy eight or more hours at a 15-degree (the equivalent of a two inch heel) or higher incline.

And anyone who's read a Cosmopolitan in the past decade knows good and well that a set of strong pelvic muscles is the Kegel key to unlocking that perfect, magical, lasts-all-night 'O' face.

Okay, maybe that's for the most part adolescent legend, but how about this...Harper's Bazaar UK recently polled a group of men of varying ages, races, education levels and socioeconomic backgrounds the question, "Which type of footwear makes you most want to have sex with a woman?"

Their "overwhelming" choice, according to the fashion mag, was none other than the stiletto.

Or more commonly known in these here parts as the shoe no woman wears on a weekday. For serious, on my five-block walk home yesterday evening, a walk during which I took my sweet, it's-60-degrees-outside time, I spotted nary a pair of stilettos, nor even a stacked, kitten, wedged or block heel exceeding the necessary two inches to earn a woman her wings for down there flexosity.

(shaking head)

My take on this "exciting new research" -the emphatic provided by designer Manolo Blahnik- is that even if the Italian urologist's new physiological findings turn out to be less than scientifically sound and high heels aren't in fact a reliable catalyst for better sex, why not prop ourselves up anyway to at least increase our chances of having more sex?

Of course, I'm bypassing the step that has the stiletto-wearing woman giving into the man who propositions her -and her lengthened legs- for sex, but hey, I'm single and spend my entire Tuesday counting down the hours until I can simultaneously write and watch "The Biggest Loser: Couples" with my dog -- just let me assume that's how it works.

In sum:

Stilettos --> hot legs --> aroused men --> empowered women --> sex --> good moods --> productive at work --> salary increase --> really nice stilettos --> even hotter legs --> more aroused men (and so on and so forth...)

Buy her shoes for Valentine's day, gentlemen, and you both win.

*kudos to Adam (and six other readers!) for alerting me to this article
**photo taken from The Sartorialist

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

So, wearing shoes that are scientifically proven to wreak havoc on your feet, ankles and knees ----> "empowered women" simply because they "arouse men?" Give me a break. Congrats - this is your most offensive and pathetic post yet.

TXinDC said...

oh calm down Anon. I happen to love this post. Great writing and entertaining as always! Only 11 hours until Biggest Loser! :)

Johanna said...

Anonymous 8:54-

Thank you! I admit, I've written some pretty offensive and pathetic posts during my tenure here (remember all those sobby, Amy Winehouse posts? Pathetic with a capital "P"!), but for this to earn the "most" superlative...well, all I can say is that I'm really flattered. They say if you work hard enough at something it'll ultimately pay off, but this is one milestone I honestly didn't see coming.

Personally, I was afraid most of you, like TXinDC, would get caught up in the no fewer than six blatant instances of tongue in cheekiness and miss just how seriously I take this "exciting new research."

The link between heel height and quality and volume of intercourse is no joke, and I thank you, anon 8:54, for helping me demonstrate that so clearly.

best,
J

Anonymous said...

J, out of curiosity do you ever feel the pains of wearing high heels? with your ankles or calves? I love a great pair of heels but I personally find at times when wearing them all day I am limping and hobbling home by the end of it! What do you do to combat that?

Anonymous No More said...

Playing link-a-dink from your site to other style blogs, I found this great trip for breaking in new shoes on Couture Candy:

http://www.couturecandy.com/style-tip.htm

Cold Feet
There aren't too many experiences as painful as breaking in a fabulous new pair of heels. The lengths we, the fashion-obsessed, will go to flaunt foot accoutrement are unknown to man (literally). This week's Style Tip is an ingenious approach to stretching snug pumps so your toes will be as happy as a new shoe purchase.

The crazier, the better, as fashion secrets go and this one is no exception. Attempt at your own risk. Fill a small Ziploc™ bag halfway with water. Seal the bag inside another bag securely making sure neither leak. Put the bags inside one shoe. Repeat for the other shoe and put the pair in the freezer to freeze. The water in the bags will expand slightly stretching the shoes along the way. Now your shoes are slightly roomier and hopefully much more comfortable.

-Lauren Osterstock


Has anyone ever tried this?

from a guy's perspective said...

The O-Face clip made my morning

cindc said...

Personally, I find stilettos to be way more comfortable than so-called comfortable shoes like sneakers, but I'm Italian so I guess my feet are designed for them. Nevertheless, I find it annoying how quickly a stiletto heel wears down! Maybe I walk too much, but my stilettos only last a couple months before the heels are little stubs and it's hazardous to walk in them.

laura m. said...

the first commenter makes my brain hurt.

M said...

In keeping with the theme of high heels and sex I thought it might be appropriate to share this video from our lovely friends at AP. It isn't too workplace friendly but the song is incredible and once I find it I am definitely adding it to my walk to work mix. http://www.agentprovocateur.com/tie-me-up.html

C said...

I'd rather have the pleasure of getting laid because of stilettos than have the pleasure of not getting a foot owie from Easy Spirits.

brown rowergirl said...

I second C's comment.

Anonymous said...

Johanna, this just begs a how-to-walk-in-heels tutorial with your video feature.

We've been demanding this for a while now. Please deliver!

Alexandra said...

I love that sort of research :)...almost as much as the one that concluded chocolate is good for you.

...and that's one of my all-time favorite pictures on the Sartorialist.

keri lee said...

I think anon 8:54's head just exploded after anon 11:00's request.

indy fan said...

I smiled when I saw your comment about surveying the footwear around you -- I do that, too! Sadly, my results are the same as yours. I have worn stilettos or some variation thereof every day for the last 30 years.

Oh...dear me said...

c im so with you, but as I recall London there is more heels visible on weekends than M-F, they dress horrible to work well goverment workers!

Anonymous said...

i'm not sure it's true that european women wear more heels. i seem to remember a lot of flat shoes (cute flats but flats) b/c unless most americans europeans actually walk and take public transportation everywhere. i just moved to ny from dc and i find myself wearning heels less and less b/c i walk so much. it's good for weight management but not so good for hot footwear!

m street admirer said...

I saw this yesterday and thought of you! Very funny take on it. I'm not so sure I find the study very credible either but hey, whatever gets women in high heels more often I'll get behind 100%.

Dave said...

That's funny. We are not complicated creatures and we don't take your shoes into account when deciding if we want to have sex with you.

from a guy's perspective said...

I disagree with Dave - shoes definitely have an impact on how attracted I am to a woman. They aren't the deciding factor but they can push a woman up/down a point if the shoes in question are hot/Easy Spirits.

Anonymous said...

What's even better is doin' it with the stilettos on. But I bet that doesn't go over well with the Easy Spirit crowd.

LMAO said...

Wow...hilarity indeed. A random collection of misguided retorts and come backs was exactly what I needed today.

Thanks all :)

BlackPencilSkirt said...

Here's the thing about men- no, they don't decide they want to sleep with you based on whether you are wearing Easy Spirits or Manolos, but they do decide they want to sleep with you based on how you look. Bar non, a woman in a pencil skirt is inevitably going to look a billion times hotter with those Manolos accentuating her calves and straightening her posture,making her look 15 lbs thinner and giving her the sex goddess attitude. You don't look any thinner or sexier in Easy Spirits. Ever. That is why men love heels- they love WHAT they do to the woman. They don't love the heels themselves (but we certainly do!) Thank you for this post, Jo.

Anonymous said...

I second anons 9:55 and 11:00 - would love to see a post from you on how to walk in heels including tips on how to minimize foot pain, how to find heels that work for you etc. (for example, I have a very flat foot and am really unsure of what that means in terms of which heel height/type I should go for).

Unrelated: your spirit was with me this weekend as I was shopping and scored a fabulous high waist pencil skirt on sale and that gorgeous Club Monaco ruffle-neck shirt (in a black and white graphic print). Thanks as always... and have fun in NY!

sarahsouth said...

i love my flats. but still, i love this post.

Anonymous said...

As a true DC blog you should do a post on good "Super Tuesday party" outfits. It's a little too late now but still. Or something on what to wear to the polls next week!

Anonymous said...

These comments are too funny. Do you really need someone to tell you how to walk in heels? Or to tell you what type of heels are appropriate for you? Just experiment and practice in your house. Everyone is so different that what works for one flat-footed girl won't necessarily work for the next flat-footed girl.

Hint: the cheaper they are, the more they hurt. You don't have to buy $500 shoes, or even $250 shoes, but lose the Nine West and Steve Madden.

Anonymous said...

anon 8:42 i think they are also asking for other pain combatting advice from a person who wears heels a lot like J. like foot petals perhaps?

and some women are really clueless about that stuff and want some help whether it be from here or from a shop girl before dropping some $$.

Anonymous said...

I think men just like beautiful thin women, regardless of the shoes. I think it is stupid to wear stiletos to work, unless you are working as a *umm* professional dancer. For those in government, private industry, law, sales, and so on, I think it looks out of place and a little desperate. JMHO

I do think stiletos look stunning in the evenings though.

Candid Cool said...

those Le Sillas are winners