28 January 2008

There has to be an Oscar ceremony, there just *has* to be

I don't know about you, but what I witnessed walking down the SAG Awards red carpet last night did nothing for me.

Well, not nothing but pretty darn close to it.

My feeling is, if we're expected to endure Giuliana and Debbie's highly sycophantic, over-the-top "You look amaaaazing, girl -- how you keep yo'self so teeny-tiny?" interviews with some of the most annoying women in the industry -namely Eva Longoria(-Parker), Amanda Bynes and Nikki Blonsky- I better be able to de-numb my senses with some gorgeous gowns, sky-high stilettos and sparkly four-figure box clutches.

What I'm saying is, fantasizing about Javier Bardem, Viggo Mortensen, Josh Brolin and James Gandolfini -separately and collectively, I admit- should not have been the highlight of my pre-show.

Here below you'll find the two dresses that made me shake my head the least, the five that made me shake my head the most and the three that with a bit of tweaking could have been so much more than they were.

Keep in mind, I graded these looks in the same way all my college and graduate school professors graded my essays -- with a very generous bell-curve. In other words, someone in the sea of so-so had to get an 'A'. That's just how the system works.

Without further ado, here's what is hopefully the junior varsity version of February 24th's big game:

The Best

Marg Helgenberger in a stunning one-shouldered number*

Michelle Pfeiffer in blissfully simple Versace


The Worst


Lisa Rinna in a Cavalli-looking Jenny Packham

Jenna Fischer (braless) in Collette Dinnigan

Nikki Blonsky (Spanx-less) in IGIGI

Jane Krakowski, dress and gumball necklace by Malandrino

Chandra Wilson in sequins overload


The 'Would've been better if...'


...she'd gone up a size on top AND worn a bandeau bikini on her last vacation
Vanessa Williams in Escada

...she'd nixed the bow and chosen a less voluminous (i.e., column) skirtSandra Oh in a modern take of a Korean hanbok

...she'd left the dress un-brooched and taken the time to get a pediMarcia Cross in Monique Lhuillier

*if only she'd pulled her hair back in a low-'n-tight chignon to better show off that fantastic patent leather detailing...

32 comments:

Anonymous said...

how many sizes too big are Nikki's shoes? not to be cruel, but at least there's something she's not capable of bursting out of. and I do love Michelle's dress, but that color is just not doing it for me. I think she looks her most stunning in either a saturated color or a total lack there-of, namely, something all black.

brown bear '02 said...

did you realize your two top women are both 49 years old? one can only hope...

my vote for best goes to Diane Lane. loved the color. worst definitely to Blonsky.

denver fan said...

Until you pointed out Vanessa Williams' tan lines (how did I miss those??), I would've voted for her, but you're right, her girls are tucked in a bit too tightly. I think I'll go with Marcia and Tina Fey. They both looked gorgeous.

carey said...

so someone agrees with me about Eva Longoria? I thought she was America's Chicana darling. I think she's about the most annoying woman on the planet. Second to my Mother-in-law ;)

Anonymous said...

I think Marg looks trashy. Patent leather on an evening gown is never a good idea for a "lady". I'm surprised at you! You should know better.

Johanna said...

ladies might not wear patent leather on their evening gowns, but "ladies" like Marg and I certainly would.

kiss,
J

Anonymous said...

I can't believe she wore that without spanx. what was she thinking?????

elle said...

Lisa Rinna's dress is actually Jenny Packham. I know this only because I watched some of the pre-show on TV Guide channel, and her "interviews" actually consisted of her talking all about herself - so she told each of the 8 people I saw her interview "I'm wearing Jenny Packham!"

Anonymous said...

Wow. I usually enjoy this blog and its commenters but I truly think its a new low to rip on Nikki Blonsky. She's obviously a large girl and it's a little ridiculous and cruel to point out the obvious. She clearly isn't in the same league as the others fashion-wise or in terms of exposure. You couldn't just pass her over?

elle said...

Oh, and I thought America Ferrera looked *really* good - the best I've ever seen her.

Anonymous said...

anon-1:20,

I'm not ripping on her, just saying she should've worn spanx, which women of all sizes wear under dresses to control their jiggle. But she especially should've worn some if that is the fabric she chose to don for the evening.

CDP said...

I loved Marion Cotillard; the hair, the dress, the makeup were all perfect.

dc lawyer said...

anon 1:20, don't be ridiculous. Just because Nikki's of a larger size doesn't mean she has a free pass to wear whatever she wants and can expect to get away with it criticism free. She should've chosen a dress in a different, more forgiving fabric, she should've worn a body shaper and she shouldn't have gone for the off the shoulder with sleeves look.

To exclude her from the crop because she's bigger would be just as discriminatory as ridiculing her for her size.

Johanna said...

Elle-

I too thought America looked great, but upon closer inspection, I wasn't a huge fan of the dress. Too much lace for me.

Anonymous 1:20-

exactly what DC Lawyer said. I didn't include Nikki because of her size but because of her dress choice *for* someone of her size. Wrong all around.

And for the record, I don't find her annoying because of her size but because of her personality.

that's all...

best,
J

Anonymous said...

J: where did your smile go? I thought I had logged in earlier and saw a very similar picture of you with a fantastic smile. IMHO, it was a really great picture. You look stunning and it's great to see you smile.

from a guy's perspective said...

James Gandolfini? WTF?

And yes, anon 1:38, there was a smile but as quick as it came, it's now gone. What a tease.

Anonymous said...

I loved Marion Cotillard's dress, too. She looked amazing, but did someone douse her hair in spray glitter? That was odd.
Am I the only person who didn't hate Sandra Oh's dress? I think it's interesting, while most of them were just dull (Michelle Pfieffer, I'm looking at you). I think this might be where your "fashion" versus "style" viewpoint comes in, Johanna, like you wrote about with Project Runway.

glammy said...

I just hate it when people insist a simple dress is "dull." Michelle looks anything but dull here, anon 2:33. She may have focused all her energy on getting a perfect fit instead of making a crazy statement, but that's to be applauded, imo. How many people can wear a dress like that? Not many.

And if I'm correct, Jo didn't hate Sandra's dress...

karen m. said...

Are we going to get to see the outfit you're wearing in your new profile picture? Strapless??

elizabeth said...

49 or 29, Marg is absolutely gorgeous. And I *love* the patent leather.

not a fashion queen said...

I am not one to usually hate on the fat girl, but Nikki's dress looks like a bad 1992 prom dress from the Sear's clearance rack.

jackie said...

anon 1:20, you're asking J about passing people over out of fairness? This is the same girl who named sweet little Abigail Breslin one of the worst dressed at least year's Oscars.

Heartless!

(but I secretly laugh inside)

Bridal Bird said...

And whatever happened to stylists considering the interplay between the dress and the red carpet? Many of the gowns looked extra God-awful because the colors were so heinous against the backdrop.

priya said...

You made fun of an 11 year old? That's low.

Nikki's dress looks a hot mess here, on a fat frame or not.

olivia said...

America was favorite, followed by Michelle (Pfeiffer). Marcia looked really pretty too.

where are your usual Monday pictures of your fun Saturday night??

Kiki said...

Marg's dress is fantastic but I'm really sick of women wearing their hair down when they are wearing a dress with a showcase neck or back. Debra Messing did the same thing... her normally-gorgeous locks looked awful to begin with, but the fact that she wore them down with a lantern-neck gown just pains me.

Johanna said...

As I often find myself saying to Petra Nemcova, "don't disrespect the neckline." Same goes for showpiece backs.

Like I said, no one in my opinion looked perfect, but of all those who attended, Marg was my favorite.

Marion Cotillard was beautiful, for sure, but I'm not big on wedding-y looking evening gowns. Her face and hair, however -- perfect. Also looking much better than usual was Teri Hatcher. Who'd-a-thunk?

Marissa said...

I agree no one looked 100 percent, but I think Angelina Jolie looked stunning -- pregnant or not -- in her big brown dress (although the gown was a bit wrinkly at the bottom).

I think the best, however, was America Ferrara, who looked lovely in grey. A lot of lace, yes. But I think it worked.

Worst: Lisa Rinna, hands down. *shudder*

sara said...

Michelle's shoes = *love*

Anonymous said...

Jay Manuel from E! named Eva Longoria "best dressed". Hahahahaha

bestfreetemplates said...

I totally agree Marg wins the best dressed!!! I love her dress. True it is just seems like a simple classic sexy Grecian inspired one shouldered dress when youre lookin at it from the front. But your jaw will drop when she turns around:
http://justjared.buzznet.com/gallery/photos.php?yr=2008&mon=01&evt=marg-sag&pic=marg-helgenberger-sag-awards-2008-14.jpg

kathy said...

i was actually at the show on the red carpet (i'm a very lucky girl, i know) and while i agree with most of your choices, chandra wilson was actually one of my favorites. it really doesn't translate in the pictures, but the dress was fun, different and fit her really well. plus, she was rocking a hot new 'do, so i thought she looked great all around.

jenna fischer looked way better in person, too. and becki newton looked great.

holly hunter's dress seriously looked like it came from the bridesmaid dresses sale rack at david's bridal. it was actually kind of appalling.