28 December 2007

Ring it in responsibly

And by that I mean...

...don't drink dry the Prosecco and leave your brother's friend's party with an overcompensatingly confident pocket-man. Trust;

...don't wear jeans and a chunky, ribbed turtleneck sweater -- be the one woman at the house party who doesn't look like she just RV-ed it over from a Big-10 tailgate. Come on ladies, vow to be the 'wow' even the happily married men can't help but stare at every time you enter the room;

....don't skip the eyeliner or second coat of mascara;

...don't delude yourself -- if it's too tight, it's too tight. Wear something that won't have you tugging, de-wrinkling, and pulling out puckers all evening;

...don't allow a sloppy, streaky-haired blonde in a sequined tube top to spill her too-full Jack-'n'-Coke on your Marchesa Notte tulle party dress. Identify this type right away and steer clear;

...don't go out without having listened to "Down in Mexico" and "Toy Soldier" (preferably while you pick out and slip on your matching unmentionables for a captive, man-in-chair audience);

...don't arrive at the party without a nice two-drink pre-party buzz, especially if where you're going is likely to have a more his-friends crowd;

...don't forget to eat at least one carb-enriched item before you head out (I have this one taped to my forehead and handbag);

...don't without-warning cry over a lost love and ruin everything for everyone (no matter what they tell you, you will kill the evening and it will be remembered);

and finally,

...don't whip out your camera phone to show every person you meet the 60-shot slide-show of the dog you "miss like a motherf**ker". If they don't know you, you will come off as the crazy dog lady.

I'll be in New York City tomorrow through Tuesday, so unfortch -as K would say- I won't be posting until two days into the new year. I double, no triple promise to miss all of you...except for maybe when I'm eye-banging one of my dream guys at King Cole Bar, or when S and I discover the meaning of life when we make our first pilgrimage to Mecca.

Kiss us into 2008, KimKar!

21 comments:

dc stylist said...

I hate to admit it but that Britney song is HOT! have a great time in New York and don't feel guilty about taking a few days off. you've earned it, chica.

Anonymous said...

can I make a resolution for you? how about quitting the Kim Kardashian pictures? she's 100% trash and by associating yourself with her so often, you're kinda becoming...well, you know.

T. said...

Maybe it's cuz I'm a black guy, but I'm sorry anonymous...You'll never convince me there's a downside to posting an ass that size on a regular basis.

Anonymous said...

It's not because you're black, T. You speak for all of us.

Sure, she's trash. Really curvy good looking trash. Bring it on.

N-Y-i-E

callie said...

T, it's not that you're a man, either, because I dig looking at KimKar as well. The girl is eye candy for men, women, anyone.

Jo, you'll be happy to know that last year I was the tailgater, but this year you've inspired me to wear a dress and some pretty shoes. I can already tell my boyfriend is excited to show me off :)

happy new year!!!

Johanna said...

dc stylist-

I know, right? I have to give Hot Redhead Lawyer props for picking that song out. While I was a "Get Naked" fan, she was on the "Toy Soldier" train from day one.

this break is gonna feel soooo good - nothing like four straight days in New York City with your college bestie!

anonymous-

Don't be a spoil sport. the only thing I'll promise you in 2008 is that I'll do my best to post fewer pictures of her in flip-flops.

T/N-Y-i-E-

Sigh...I love my male readers.

callie-

that puts a huge smile on my face! good for you on both accounts - embracing your love for Kim and prettying up for a party! Have a great time, and don't forget about the man-in-chair dancing...seriously, how hot was that scene?

kiss,
J

Sarah said...

May you find NYC as fabulous as ever. Happy New Year and belated congratulations for one year of very dedicated blogging.

Anonymous said...

going to NYC this weekend too! What should I pack/wear? Help!

Brooke said...

You do realize she is wearing flip flops in this picture, right?

a fan said...

that ass is somethin' serious alright. christ!

I'll be in New York along with you and anon 2:10...though I doubt we'll be hitting up the St. Regis with Gordon Gekko types ;-)

it's so odd, normally I'd read something like that and think, "what a stupid girl," but in all honesty, I believe you could tame a GG, and I'd pay to watch it.

Johanna said...

and if anyone needs a mid-day laugh, this certainly did it for me a few days ago:

http://idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2007/12/kim-kardashian-and-reggie-bush-are-shopping.html

Johanna said...

oops, try this:


http://idontlikeyouinthatway.com/2007/12/ kim-kardashian-and-reggie-bush-are-shopping.html

cali finale said...

omg, carbs are KEY on new year's eve day. I don't care how Atkinsian your diet regularly is, a girl must eat carbs before a new year's party.

have fun!

bff in chicago said...

you take away my pleated khakis, my Mom jeans, my wedged flip flops and now my sequined tube top too?? god damn, do I have anything else left in my closet?

have a faboo time this weekend. wish I were there for both the trip to Saks and the eye-banging of rich, unhappily married assholes.

bff in chicago said...

p.s. I'd paste that second to last reminder onto your forehead/handbag as well :-)

manhattan_darling said...

ooooh our city looks forward to having you!

m street admirer said...

I'm with the others. Keep Kim.

have fun in the big city, but be careful of the Gekko types...wait, what am I saying? I should be warning them!

Dave said...

This is all really good advice. i'll take note of the one about eyeliner. Didn't even think of that. But I have to get you off this whole Mitt Romney thing. J, that relationship is going nowhere for you.

Johanna said...

anonymous 2:10-

I need more details! What kind of weekend are you having? Dressy? Casual? Going out? Staying in?

Let me know and I'll advise!

best,
J

kristin said...

Mitt Romney is a total fox but Dave's right, those Mormons mean serious business when it comes to marriage. I'd pick a Catholic, they're totally depraved!

Dave said...

He may be a fox, but Mitt is only going to tell you what you want to hear and J is smart enough to see through that. And then he'll flip flop and go for the next attractive thing he sees. And Mitt won't be living in Washington any time soon.