05 November 2007

Ze worst of ze worst -- a DC style disaster in five parts


In no particular order, here are the five ensembles from three separate venues that stood out not only for their wearers' poor execution (fit, color scheme, etc.) but also for the absolute WTF-edness of the overall "look."


Venue #1: Tour de Champagne, French Embassy

(dress code: semi-formal, black-tie optional)


Beige strapless tube dress. Chandelier-style faux diamond necklace. Slouchy Frye boots. Messy ponytail. Chipped bubble-gum pink nail polish. Extremely dry skin -- think visible scales.


Baggy black low-rise sequined bell-bottoms. "Dressy" black t-shirt. Thick brown bifocals. Unstyled shoulder-length Mom-bob. Square-toed one-inch pilgrim pumps. No makeup. Again, very dry skin.


Skin-tight teal satin sheath that puckered painfully at the sleeves and across the stomach, hips and rear -- every time she downed a heavily-pâtéd crostini, I could see another bulge begin to form. Stubbed-to-white black pointy-toed pumps. Good dramatic eye makeup but thick, poorly-blended pancake-y foundation.


on the bubble:

Nondescript short-sleeved, shoulder-padded black sheath. Busily-patterned black tights. Double-strapped, distressed brown leather round-toed block-heeled slingbacks. Thick librarian glasses. So in need of lotion I came thisclose to demanding she let me rub her down, neck to toes, with my coconut/olive oil salve.


Floor-length ivory satin deep V-neck/V-back evening gown. Jewel-encrusted sandals. Enormous black Marc by Marc Jacobs turnlock tote.


Heaving, salacious cleavage. Black wide-netted fishnets. One-two-three...seven visible tatts. Magic marker-looking black eyeliner. Chipped cherry-red toe and nail polish.


Venue #2: Lotus, K Street, between 14th/15th St.

Kite-shaped handkerchief-printed backless "blouse." Painted-on yoga pants. Poor man's Edie Sedgwick eye makeup. Dark brown-lined lips. Smirnoff Ice.

Venue #3: The Park at 14th, 14th Street, between K/I St.

White pearlized pleather (?) mini skirt. Black halter with large metal O-ring detailing in front and back. Straps-up-the-calf, raffia-wedged platform sandals. Alternating inch-wide sectionals of white-blond highlights and dark-brown "natural" hair color. French pedi.

*'ze best of ze best' post to come later in the week...

32 comments:

dc stylist said...

Your blog is a godsend. I only hope that some of the women you profiled in this post are reading.

Marie said...

Goodness gracious... I hate those handkerchief shirts/dresses. On a more stylish note: Was anyone at the Nickel Creek show at the 9:30 Club Friday night? Sara Watkins had on the most fantastic brown, wrapped-heel, knee-length boots I've ever seen. I need them.

Anonymous said...

Are people in DC still wearing those handkerchief tops? And raffia wedges in Novebmer? Maybe we *are* more stylish here in Philly...

huh? said...

What's wrong with a french pedicure?

Johanna said...

huh?-

everything.

best,
J

Anonymous said...

quelle horreur! blasphemous to the French embassy for sure. sequined pants and scuffed shoes? I think I threw up a little in my mouth.

16th streeter said...

How difficult is it to slap on some lotion and touch up your nail polish? Honestly, ladies.

librarian in the city said...

I am a librarian and I definitely don't wear "librarian glasses". In fact, thanks to your blog, I am known as quite a cute dresser at work, and when I do wear my glasses I assure you they are Armani perfection. Just trying to get the word out for all my fellow librarians haha.

Love, love your blog!!

brown rowergirl said...

Oh no she dihin't! Fishnets, cleavage, and chipped red polish at a black-tie optional event? You should have worked the door and told women like this one to come back after they'd found a more proper outfit. Jesus.

You, of course, looked divine and delicious.

ataraxia said...

marie -- i was at the NC show and although i did love her boots i didn't think the spaghetti-strap tank/highwaisted skirt was that flattering on her. amazing show though!

Anonymous said...

Can you take surreptitious photos next time? And black out the faces like in the magazines??? :-)

Anonymous said...

Can you seriously do a post on the wrongs of french pedis? My friends insist on doing them for any dressy event. And then I want to cry. And then they call my Midnight in Moscow toes "goth" and then I want to cry some more.

Shar said...

French pedicures are only for weddings, and only if the bride is b*tchy enough to demand that her bridesmaids get them. I especially detest the french with colors, you know, lavender beds, white tips? Ech.

Anonymous said...

I totally saw your new friend...... hot stuff! Where can I find me one of those?

lila m. said...

anon 2:18, how did you miss Jo's classic post on the evils of the French pedi??? August 21st -- go!

Suz said...

"Smirnoff Ice."

Ouch.
Aren't you being a BIT too harsh?

Anonymous said...

lila m.

OMG, how did I miss that post?? Thanks for directing me to it. Maybe it should be a permanent link on the side of the blog.

Shar said...

Haha, I just read the August 21st post, I hadn't read it before I commented on the post today about Frenchies. How funny!

you would never give me the time of day but... said...

your legs are, like, wow. almost makes me want to take up jogging. almost.

truly, you looked lovely, and just fancy pants enough.

marie said...

ataraxia -- Yeah, that top wasn't great. No support whatsoever. I've been looking everywhere for those boots, though. The show was fantastic. NPR recorded it and NC has a link on its website.

Meokat said...

When one is at a fancy dinner, I do believe the choice of drink is important enough as part of an overall impression to count as fashion.

Hence the general choice of martinis wherever I go...unless its the slummy corner bar woohoo

Anonymous said...

Out of curiosity, how old were these people? I'm picturing the beige tube dress/Frye boots atrocity on a bored Sidwell student dragged there by her parents -- (not that that would fully excuse the look).

glammy said...

Johaaaaana's got a boyfriend, Johaaaaana's got a boyfriend ;-)

not that you'll indulge us, but for those of us that have insatiable blog crushes on you, we'd like deets please!

Johanna said...

Suz-

I was just rounding out the picture. Had she looked amazing and been drinking a Smirnoff Ice, then whatever, but in tandem with her trash-tastic ensemble, it just couldn't go unmentioned.

you would never give me the time of day but-

You should take up running!

Look, I'm the least natural "natural runner" out there. Every step I take takes effort and hurts like the dickens. I've learned to love running now, primarily because of how amazingly it's transformed my body in the past two years -- my legs are slimmer and more defined, my stomach almost always has a somewhere between Keira/Pink tone, and my upper body has never been more strapless-dress ready. Couple four days/week of running with one day/week of biking and you'll see what I mean.

meokat-

I'm in trouble, then, because I'm totally that girl who orders a MiLi at the fancy hotel bar. Even worse, I'm the girl who drinks her MiLi *straight from the longneck* at said fancy hotel bar.

And I don't see that changing.

anonymous 4:23-

That particular woman was in her early 30s, I'd wager. Just over the line into trying-to-look-hip-instead-of-*being*-hip territory. Very unfortunate. The rest of the women I described were somewhere between their early 20s and late 30s.

best,
J

Anonymous said...

I saw the lady in the sequins pants and I somehow knew she'd be on here today.

Anonymous said...

so...your "thing" is just to criticize? why don't you offer any advice as to what these women should have worn? I don't really understand what your value-added is, because as far as I'm concerned you're site is a light version of Go Fug Yourself.

Anonymous said...

Not true, last commenter. Read back some and you'll find that she regularly posts thoroughly researched suggestions of the "to do" variety. One of the reasons this blog is great. Also, any snark you infer is more on the lines of "c'mon ladies, let's get it together" bent. Regular readers know this as well as the fact that the french pedi is just wrong. So stick around and you'll see for yourself. Johanna, keep entertaining/informing your readership and don't be dissuaded by the naysayers.

west coast devotee said...

great post, babe.

Sassy Miss Thang said...

Can I please add that I saw full length gaucho pants on Saturday night (they make those?). THAT made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

erin said...

I can so picture the girl at Lotus. And I think citing the Smirnoff Ice as an accessorry actually helped me get a better sense of her look.

dara said...

Another DC Blogs mention today!

Johanna said...

dara-

I saw that - thank you!

best,
J