03 October 2007

Five ways to improve your ass & 10 Fall skirts to show off the results

In my experience, there is no body part more immediately responsive to targetted tightening than the ass.

By the same token, there is also no body part that when its owner is left to her own slothful devices is more immediately vulnerable to gravity's pull than this same area.

Not that I would ever adovocate working out for the purpose of looking more attractive for others (by Jove, wouldn't that be a gas!), but here below are five relatively easy-to-stick-to boo-tay-hey exercises I swear by and that have earned me in some very private circles (i.e., with former and current lovers, a few friends' fathers and the day laborers outside the P St. Whole Foods) the reputation for having a fantastic ass.

Without further ado...

Exercise 1: Bathroom squats
After business is taken care of and before you head back to your desk, squeeze in 15 deep-bend squats. If you drink the 96 oz. of water per day you're supposed to, that would accumulate to more than 90 per day.

Exercise 2: Walk up the stairs and flex those cheeks while you do it
Commit to walking up every escalator and when you're not short on time, also opt for the stairs over the escalator or elevator. If you're at home and in casual clothing, try running up the stairs, taking every other stair as you climb.

Exercise 3: Do at least part of your cardio workout uphill/at an incline
The monumental difference between four months ago and now in the highness and tightness of my backside is almost exclusively due to the hilly terrain of MassAve running route. Nothing creates a taut lil' Bieltastic booty like regular uphill walking, running and/or elliptical-ing.

Exercise 4: Superman, baby

It may look silly, but man, does this work. Instead of getting a snack during the second commercial break of "The Hills," why not get down on your floor 8th-grade-gym-class style and do 10 sets of 10 10-second holds?


Exercise 5: Be on top more often and really "go for the gold" while you're up there

If you really need elaboration on this one, feel free to leave a comment to that effect.


Once you've followed my daily regiment for a few weeks and earned that rock-hard pop of ass, you'll want nothing more than to showcase it in one of these for-Fall beauties:


Silk pencil skirt by Castle Starr ($71 at revolveclothing.com)
Luigi skirt by Dallin Chase ($151 at otteny.com)
Plaid mini by Walter ($165 at daszign.com)
Mermaid skirt by What Goes Around... ($230 at activeendeavors.com)*
Herringbone Nina skirt by Esprit ($79.50 at espritshop.com)
Pencil skirt with flip hem by Ted Baker ($265 at urbanminx.com)
High-waisted tweed pencil skirt by Lux ($58 at urbanoutfitters.com)
Belted pencil skirt by Kenneth Cole Reaction ($74 at macys.com)
Liddy mini skirt by Theory ($235 at shopbop.com)*
New Marple knit skirt by DvF ($210 at nordstrom.com)

*your Editrix's top picks

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Now THIS is a great post! Fitness and fashion!! I love love love the Dallin Chase... add to bag.. click to purchase... ahhhhhh...

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious. Thanks for the ass-vice.

N

Anonymous said...

Bathroom squats??? What a fabu idea! This is just the kick in the pants - er, skirt - I need to walk up the three flights of stairs at work instead of taking the elevator. Once again, thank you.

knew you as hannie said...

only you would find a way to work out while at the office. that's why we love (and marvel at) you.

And you do have a fantastic ass. Doesn't take being a former lover to know that.

Scooping up the Ted Baker skirt as soon as payday rolls around...

virgle kent said...

Finally, a post I can get behind, wait what?

But for serious in #5 are you talking about Golden showers??? Wow, but like I said don’t knock it till I try it

TXN in DC said...

LOVE the post and the ass-ercises you suggested. I've recently started practicing Baptiste yoga and, for anyone looking for additional workouts to lift that butt, I would highly suggest it!

Johanna said...

VK-

just to clarify, when I say "go for the gold," I am *not* advocating KimKar's preferred practice of peeing on one's partner but rather inciting my lady readers to "work it and work it HARD" when they take the reins.

But as you so openmindedly wrote, I too abide by a not gonna knock it 'til I try it attitude.

After all, perhaps Kim's proclivity for all things urophilic is her secret to having the best ass in Hollywood...

tom h said...

Again Jo like I have said numerous times you have a great ass. All of those exercises (including #5) are all good calorie burners also so go for it ladies......

georgia said...

I was watching "Pillow Talk" last night and Doris Day (Jan) had on a skirt almost identical to the high-waisted Urban Outfitters one in the scene where she first realizes she's in love with Rock Hudson, aka Rex Stetson, aka Brad Allen. Also, PT is full of great coats with amazing, face and neck highlighting collars. She was like a real life Barbie doll...without the surgery.

Favorite scene is when Rock Hudson as Brad is suggesting to Doris/Jan that her Texas oilman might be the kind of man who "loves his mama, recipes and decorating." Watching Rock play a playboy suggesting his alter-ego/faux-rival is gay is a good chuckle.

bff in chicago said...

How very Angelina of you to drop the "lover" term ;-)

K said...

You reach new heights all the time, J. Great post.

the budies said...

HILARIOUS..."go for the gold" I love it. you have officially become part of my morning read with that one.

etcetera said...

ah, Esprit. it brings me back. right, k? love that skirt.

brown rowergirl said...

A hunter green highwaisted skirt, eh? I might just have to get that - it's not often you see many of them around, and I DO love her skirts...

holiday said...

I love the Castle Starr pencil skirt. Nice post Johanna. I'll have to try those bathroom squats. There is nothing sexier than having your pencil hug your ass just so.

guy about town said...

Men all over this city (and probably elsewhere as well) are falling in love with you for this post. Any woman who recognizes the importance of maintaining a nice ass is a woman to adore and desire.

Thank you. No really, *thank you*.

AY said...

I tried out the bathroom squats today. I will admit I felt kinda silly, but I'm going to give it a few more tries.