08 October 2007

DC men are all sorts of classy

Time: just past 9:30 this morning
Location: ConnAve/M St. intersection (Burberry side)
Characters: 30-something suit, myself
Outfit: this and these (yes, again)
In tow: everyone's favorite Halloween candy carrier (see below)

"Excuse me, you aren't the girl who writes that style blog, are you?"

(turning down - not off, but down - "The Power of Love" on my iPod)

"Yeah, that's me," I replied, trying hard not to sound too excited at being recognized.

"Wow, my girlfriend _______ is like, obsessed with...what is it called, 'A Woman's Job Isn't Serious' or 'An Excuse for a Job...'"

"'A Serious Job is No Excuse.'''

"That's it, yeah, she loves it. Totally loves it."

(taking off my headphones)

"Thank you, that really means a..."

"I have to admit, I sometimes read it, too. You know, at work and stuff. And when _______ isn't home or when she's watching one of those stupid Hugh Grant movies or when she's pretending to work out at the gym, emphasis on 'pretending,' if you know what I mean. (scanning me up and down) She certainly doesn't have the, uh...the discipline you have when it comes to exercise and staying toned."

"Uh-huh, okay, well, thank..."

"And it shows, too. You look good. Reeeally good."

(more no-so-subtle body scans)

"Would you mind if I took a piece of your candy, Joanna?" he asked, playfully nudging my shoulder with his own.

"Sure, go ahead," I said, not bothering to correct the mispronunciation and hoping both the gesture and the disinterested tone in which I spoke would end our growing-more-awkward-by-the-second conversation, "just don't take the Skittles, I only have a few of those."

"Hot and she likes to give orders. I like that combo. How about (waving the fun-size Twix he'd liberated three inches from my face) instead of this candy, you give me your phone number?"

"I'm not really interested, thanks."

"Oh come on, I was kidding," he said, his voice taking on a markedly less friendly pitch as I inched farther away, my eyes laser-focused on the 11-10-9... countdown to my right.

"You're not gonna blog about this, are you? I mean, I was just kidding around. I have a girlfriend, it's not like I was really serious."

(light turns green)

"Enjoy the Twix," I called out to him over my shoulder, "and be sure to check out the blog this afternoon -- what did you say your name was again? Brad?"

*on an unrelated but equally alarming note, I switched from 'Russian Navy' back to 'Midnight in Moscow' this weekend after I, too, discovered the blue had left a wicked stain on my nails.


K said...

Why must every Brad remind me of the standard 80s movie asshole's even douchier best friend (aka the Piven)?

I hope his girlfriend gets appropriate revenge.

dara said...

lol! awesome. I'm with K, all three Brads I've ever known have been total assholes -- perhaps this Brad was one of them!

I can't believe you wasted a Twix on him!

I am confused though...do you walk around with that pumpkin all through October?

Anonymous said...

Too funny! What a fool.

You must seriously be your office's worst nightmare. First the cupcake suitcase and now the candy-filled pumpkin? Do you eat any of this stuff or do you just watch everyone else scarf it down?? ;-)

s.a.v. said...

Do you really keep that many pairs of heels in your office???

Anonymous said...

That's it, I'm getting those Mary Janes.

i think you're brilliant said...

I never would have thought to put those shoes with that dress, but the more I envision it, the more I really like it. Now if I could just afford to get either, I'd be all set!

Love that you bring candy into the office, btw. Its very Suzie Homemaker of you.

Johanna said...


I too hope his gf is reading...


No, no, I was only carrying Jack this morning, because I filled him up at home and brought him into the office for his 2007 debut. He'll stay put until November 1st.


Oh I indulge in two pieces per day, usually one pack of Skittels and one Three Musketeers. I'm not so strong-willed that I can go completely without!


Yes I do (plus four more that didn't make it into the photo), and I even won an award last year at my firm's holiday party for being the individual with the most pairs of shoes in her office. I can't very well not try and win that title again, can I?

Anonymous 12:42-

As Ben Stiller would say in "Starsky & Hutch" -- DO IT.


It took me a few sessions in the full-length before I accepted the camel/gunmetal/wine color palette, but now I'm all about it.

Suzy Homemaker? Only to the puppy...


Anonymous said...

MAN LEGS!!!!!!

just being honest said...

that dress you're wearing is really hideous. I can't believe you dropped serious money on that. there are so many other cute dresses you've posted on here that would've been so much more flattering. where this one hits you on the leg really makes your calves look huge. you can do better!

Teek said...

Yup, never known a Brad who wasn't a womanizing ass. Hope his GF sees this.

Your calves would look big if by "your calves", we mean "your calves, if they were actually that pumpkin".

I'd really like to see the Tibi dress in a full body shot - it's kind of hard to imagine it.

TheFeminineMyst-chic said...


Brooke said...

"Your office's worst nightmare" I think not! More like my favorite person in the office. Without Johanna's sweets and sense of humor it would be quite boring around here.

Anonymous said...

I have a sneaking suspicion that if he'd said he was married, you'd be with him at the Mayflower right now. Just a feeling I have.

bff in chicago said...

anonymous 2:22 needs to keep her feelings to herself.

ataraxia said...

special request to brad's girlfriend -- when you read this please let us all know how you kicked his scum-bag ass to the curb.

i cannot wait until he reads this himself!

classic dc type -- thinks his mr. rico swave but really, what a douche.

m street admirer said...

If Johanna showed up to my office with cupcakes and candy (and that dress), it would certainly make everyone's day! The men, at least ;-)

Maggie said...

I am still in shock that that actually happened & that that poor girl is going to go to her Google Reader this afternoon, see that you updated, be ridiculously amped, & then come to find that her BF is a complete & total douche. What a way to start the week.

Can you tell me the deets on your mary janes?? Brand, etc.??

Johanna said...


I'm not boring? That's the highest compliment you could've paid me! Muwah!

M St. Admirer-

Just give me the address and a few days to sneak in a baking session, and I'll be there, legs and all :-)


Go now! Get them! I can't stop wearing mine and am even contemplating getting a second pair for backup purposes:



Anonymous said...

did you pay full price ($400) for that dress? Girl, you must be making bank.

freckledk said...

I can't imagine that anyone who has actually met you would continue to dislike you. Maybe you should gather up all the snarky Anons and force them to eat a cupcakes until they concede that you have cute hair and reasonably-sized calves.

Who names their kid Brad, anyway? You're just asking for trouble.

Anonymous said...

i wish you worked in my office. i feel like we would have fun drinking wine at panache and making fun of all the bad shoes that walked by. :)

Dave said...

I find the story amusing and well-written, so my day is made. You are now suffering the effects of fame. You're a celeb. I have friends who have been through this sort of thing. I hope you weather it well.

I have a problem with using the guy's name. Yeah, he was douchy and no I don't know what the tone was without being there. He might not have been that douchy. Break-up douchy? I hope every woman doesn't break-up with a guy because he... um... flirts with another woman. Not that I ever would.

You probably have a few readers in the DC area whose boyfriend is named Brad. We may see a mass dumping tonight or at the very least quite a few fights.

Anonymous said...

Oh Dave. Flirting is one thing, and it is more than fine. In fact, I think it is healthy to flirt with others even if you're in a relationship. But, saying unflattering things about your current girlfriend to another woman and asking her out is something totally different. It is called being a douchepop and it makes you worthy of being dumped. Especially if your name is Brad.

Johanna said...

Anonymous 4:16-

As I said in a previous post, the dress was a gift. I'm a Zara girl who OCCASIONALLY allows herself a "Sugar Daddy" purchase. Bank? I wish!


You're sweet to say that, but my track record proves you wrong. Got lots of haters, a number of whom *have* met me in person. Maybe I was on my best behavior when we met a couple of months ago :-)

Anonymous 5:12-

I love me some Panache and people-watching! E-mail me and we'll pencil in a snarkfest!


I was just about to write exactly what Anonymous 5:23 said -- 'tis one thing to flirt with and hit on someone on a streetcorner (god knows I've been a sucker for that in the past...), but it is quite another to degrade your girlfriend in front of me. That's pretty much the worst thing a guy could do, because in that moment, all we can think of is how he'd do that exact same thing to us at some point in the future.

Anonymous 5:23-

Well played.


Anonymous said...

How do you get to work if all your shoes are at the office? You said you don't like to change shoes once at the office...and if you do, do it on the elevator, before you get INSIDE. ?

Johanna said...

Anonymous 5:44-

A very astute question. The seven pairs of shoes I have in my office are here, because often times I'll bring a second pair of shoes with me just in case I change my mind and want to switch from black suede peep-toe to grey matte leather D'orsay or from caramel round-toed pump to vintage croc stacked pump. On most occasions, I'll remember/have room for the second pair in my bag at the end of the day, but sometimes I just leave them here.

And on that longwinded note...I'm outie!


lila m. said...

I saw you walking home this evening and your legs are anything but mannish! Loved the dress/shoes too! Was hoping to see the dog but alas, you were on your own :(

p.s. the guy next to me said "wow" out loud when you passed by!

jessica said...

stop the gratuitious fawning PLEASE. this is a fashion blog, not a "who loves Johanna most" blog.

Brad = sh*thead

Candid Cool said...

o poor guy

Anonymous said...

about the staining- tolja so!

Anonymous said...

for the person who said her legs were manly, any picture taken from above, looking down will make the photographed object look shorter and wider, not the most flattering view, as we've seen in other pictures, this girl does NOT by any means have manly legs. well developed, yes, manly, no. you're clearly retarded.
and i have to ask you- don't you worry about someone stealing your shoes at work? i only leave my crappiest ones at work. if not a co-worker, someone from the cleaning staff? or am i just overly suspicious?

Dave said...

Jo and annonymous 5:23, I'm not trying to be an advocate and I agree he was an asshole. She's probably better off without him. But that's her decision. Breaking up with someone based on what someone you don't know says is... well... bad. I believe Johanna is honest and telling it like it is, but I don't know her. I'd hate to be in a situation where Johanna wrote about something my girlfriend did and I had to make a relationship decision on that.

Anonymous said...

Hi Johanna:

The Starsky and Hutch comment! I love it! My roommate and I used to say that all.the.time. Then we moved to saying it the way Owen Wilson said it, all botched up. We're lame. Man, I gotta go watch it again.

I, too, would love to join you and Anon 5:12 at Panache to people watch. And talk about your dog. =)

Btw, if I were Brad's gf (*ew*) I would want to know. By any means necessary. He may not be like that in front of her friends or her.

Christine said...

I love your style & your awesome legs! Am so getting the wine shoes!

Katie said...

I think you handled the situation very well. Being from Mississippi, I wish I could tell you that men are more chivalrous down South, but they're perverts here, too. There is one exception; I live in a town where a lot of military are training before being deployed, and there is nothing more flattering than a well-mannered man in uniform saying "Ma'am, I just have to tell you, I think you're beautiful." Too bad most men are not like that...