11 September 2007

Bathe me in bordeaux, please

Those who know me well know that when asked the question, "What would you like to drink?", be it in a sports bar, a four star hotel lounge, a dinner party or a wine tasting, my answer will always involve the letters B-E-E-R.

It's not clear whether my beverage preference is attributable to my Oklahoma upbringing, my proximity to Michigan State University during those all-important formative years (you know, the school that organized riots to reinstate alcohol consumption at tailgates), or the fact I spent the majority of my two years in China with my mouth firmly adhered to the green-glass lip of a Tsingtao 40 oz., but whatever it is that draws me to the brew, it's strong and it's singular.

Now don't get me wrong, I'll take a flute of Champagne here and there, and if pressed, I'll even force down a sip of hard cider, but for the most part, I am exclusive in my imbibing to the lagers, the ambers, the stouts and let's not forget, those precious, precious ales.

Where is all of this going?

Well, in a roundabout way, the point is, I don't like wine. Not at all. Not even a little. And I've tried, believe me, I've tried oh-so-hard to be that girl who can tip back a glass of Cab Sauv or Chianti or Riesling and appreciate the taste, marvel at the legs and attempt to discern between hints of this and strains of that. But after five long years of feigning sophistication, last year I finally decided to give up the ruse and embrace my beer-only lifestyle without shame or excuse-making.

But just because I don't like to drink it doesn't mean I don't like to wear it.

Just behind gunmetal, my months-ago expressed favorite for-Fall color, I'm proud to present to you another great autumnal hue with which I'm currently smitten -- deep, sultry wine. It goes well with black, complements all gradations of brown and of course, touches up denim nicely, too.

Below, enjoy a taste of the burgundy without any of those nasty nitrates.

Opaque tights by HUE ($11 at southmoonunder.com)
Wide puff-sleeve sweater ($58 at bananarepublic.com)
Sleek jean by Rich & Skinny ($189 at revolveclothing.com)
Wrapped headband by L. Ericson ($34 at lorisdesignershoes.com)
Honorroll clutch by Stuart Weitzman ($360 at couture.zappos.com) Knit tulip skirt by Lux ($58 at urbanoutfitters.com)
Pleat urban crew tunic by Susana Monaco ($110 at activeendeavors.com)
Midnight in Moscow by OPI ($7 at salons everywhere)*
Square neck dress by Vanessa Bruno ($460 at shopbop.com)*
L7062 by L’Autre Chose ($178 at zappos.com)
Patent leather Mary Janes by Calvin Klein ($110 at Macy's, in-store only)*

*your Editrix's top picks


Anonymous said...

OMG....the colour claret should be found on clothing only when wine has been spilled...

manhattan_darling said...

i love that you hate wine. dunno why, because i love it.

i also love the sleeves on that mini dress.

welcome back, jo!

Maxie said...

Love the mary janes, perfect for work... hope to get some this week.

Glad you're back... my job is far too boring to go without ASJiNE for a week.

Anonymous said...

I gave up faking wine appreciation in my late-20s as well. Life's too short. I love the jeans and the mini dress -- and of course, the nail polish. I caved and got my fall mani early after I saw your post on the new Russian colors from OPI. I've got "Suzi says 'Da'" on my fingers and toes and I love it!

not a fashion queen said...

I personally love wine and love the patent leather mary jane's but how in the heck do you wear those wine colored tights. What goes with wine colored tights. What kind of shoes go with the tights. I find if I wear colored tights and black shoes it brings back memories of dance school.

On the beer verses wine front. If you are only a beer girl there is nothing wrong with that. I do however ask that if you are at a fancy cocktail party, then please ask for a glass.

Johanna said...


Wine colored tights go well with black Mary Janes, black ballet flats or even black suede peep toes. I'm not opposed to the open toed shoe with opaque tights look, as long as the tights are 100% opaque and the shoes are of a bit heavier fabric/silhouette.

As for the fancy cocktail party...I'd probably have a glass of Champagne if it was on-hand. If not, I'd probably have my Miller Lite longneck out back with the wait-staff.


C said...

I tried those shoes on last weekend! Didn't look good on me. sigh...

Anonymous said...

Burgundy velvet flats? Seems a bit too Christmas-y, you know?

holiday said...

I totally agree with you. I'm just not klassy enough to drink wine. The last time I drank it, I passed out on a table after two glasses of sangria. I would rather drink a Miller Lite anyday.

The burgundy picks are great. I'll probably pass on the colored jeans and tights though.

Dave said...

Don't feel embaressed to admit you don't like wine. I can't tell you how many times I've had to share a bottle of wine with a woman to be "romantic."

There are those of us out there who appreciate beer as much. Introduce your friends to a Dogfish Head, Flying Fish, Victory, or a Belgian and they'll understand.

You were totally perfect with the great writing and dog loving. Then you got the smokin' haircut and now this. If only you weren't 3,000 miles away...

not impressed said...

I wouldn't be surprised if you pretended not to like wine just so you could fit this enigmatic vision you seem to have of yourself.

or, so you could feed the online stalkers who just love to love you.

I bet you don't even get invited to dinner parties, because people are too afraid you'd show up in one of your ugly uber "fashionable" dresses.

K said...

I've been eyeing a bordeau Marc by Marc bag this season, and a garnet silk dress. You may have pushed me even closer to a purchase... and those Mary Janes are divine.

Please to note how much I love comments left by "not impressed." They're so scathing and eerily accurate! Like they KNOW you or something, J! OhEmmGee, I bet you are shaking in your Objectify Me boots right now.

Anonymous said...

i just bought patent leather mary janes this weekend! (cole haan!!) glad to know you approve of such an item. i am an obsessed reader, after all.

UNIPAX said...

Miller lite as a fashion accessory? Novel, I suppose.

Fashion is an inherently elitist, while Miller Lite is anything but. Now, that's Enigmatic!!

Is Miller Lite really the preference of a self-proclaimed beer connoisseur beer? That smacks of inconsistency or contradiction. Is that enigmatic too?

Dave said...

Where does Johanna mention Miller Lite in "lagers, the ambers, the stouts and let's not forget, those precious, precious ales?"

While Miller Lite is a lager, so is Pilsner Urquell. The right ambers, stouts, and precious ales are the delight of a beer connoisseur.

Trevor said...

I confess to being confused.
Though conceded to be a common state of affairs, I am at a loss to understand how the ragbag showing of various garments in claret ultimately reconciles with this blog's stated central thesis: office appropriate attire for the successful career woman.

The last time I saw someone dressed in this type of casual attire, the girl was prepping for the SATs!

The fashion sense generally exhibited on this blog has all the consistency of a compass wavering in a magnetic field: it's all over the place, though most often, simply way of course.

The only consistently observable theme is the manifest irreverence of the editrix to the refinements and etiquettes of the very people she so clearly aspires to ultimately rub shoulders with, given her obvious infatuation with party dresses.

Quite some paradox, me thinks!

If nothing else, the blog constitutes an earnest endeavour to prove out an age-old aphorism, which, in this instance, is to the effect that: while you can take the girl out of the Mid-West, you can't take the Mid-West out of the girl.

Surely this could have been proclaimed and proved out in less time than 8 months of daily blogging!

Scott said...

Hey Trevor, methinks is one word. It's Middle English, as is the rest of your post.

For Johanna don't worry about the wine thing as you probably aren't programmed for it.

Super-tasters and high-end middle tasters when tested will go for wine, and non-tasters and the rest of middle tasters will go for beer. It's genetic.

For some quick sources you can look up super-taster in wikipedia, and the Answer-fella in Esquire wrote about a simple test you can do to see what you are in a column a few months ago. As I recall it was in reference to the age-old question "why don't some people like vegetables?"

Anonymous said...


You completely miss the point of the blog. It is not to prove out the asserted aphorism (and by the way its not actually an aphorism), it's design is to sate her vanity and narcissism.

Wait until she posts some pictures of herself, and I think you will agree. Seen from this perspective, the blog's purpose requires it to run forever.

bff in chicago said...

Trevor, um, you need to get a new hobby than to troll young women's fashion blogs. You sound like a real bag of fun to be around, too.

Hannie's pointing out to her audience a hot new color to consider for Fall is without question related to her goal of helping women dress better, both professionally and casually. I thought that was pretty clear. And, if you haven't noticed, the best part of this blog isn't so much the fashion recs (though they're a close second) but her musings and the writing style she uses to write them down.

Seriously, dude, waaay too much time on your hands.

brown rowergirl said...


Wha? That post was so all over the place, I (unfortunately) felt compelled to read it three times before giving up. Are you a ESL student using Babelfish to translate? That comment gave me a headache. Thanks.

Anonymous 2:23:

We're all vain and narcissitic in our own ways. Every last one of us. So what? At least Jo does it with entertaining panache and a cute haircut.

MoveOn.org said...

..."it's all over the place, though most often, simply way of course."

(sigh) Is there anything more pedestrian than the commenter in high dudgeon who uses "of" when he means "off"? Methinks not.

west coast devotee said...

Oooooooh! I love when Johanna gets hate mail! These are the bestest!

Not that I have to remind you, but you are aware the hate means you've "arrived," right?

8 whole months already? My little girl...

p.s. to Trevor: could you please share with us crib notes for that mess you posted? Mmmm'kay, thanks.

Anonymous said...

The reason I read this blog is to look at pretty things and revel in the snark. Does that make me vain and narcissistic? At least I'm in good company.


Anonymous said...

Forgot to mention that the maryjanes are to die for and the last time I got my nails done, they didn't have the Russia collection in the salon, so I had to stick with good old Linkin Park after Dark. Boo.

Jeni said...

"(sigh) Is there anything more pedestrian than the commenter in high dudgeon who uses "of" when he means "off"? Methinks not."

And is there anything more callow than someone who mistakes usage for a typo and then posts a comment about it?

Oh yeah, they're the same people who use "methinks" like it's still the sixteen century.

Don't you have a RenFest costume to launder for teh weekend?

Slow day at the office? said...

Someone's certainly not going to be a finalist in the Miss Reading Comprehension 2007 Pageant are they Jeni? Your proper-usage-mangling boy Trevor trotted out "me thinks" [sic] first.

Jeni said...

And what's your point Slow Day?

MoveOn used it again and I was commenting on that post, not Trevor's.

It's a blog for Chrisssake, not a meeting of the MLA, or the SCA for that matter.

Anonymous said...

So Jeni, Trevor's usage of the term was cool, but not MoveOn's? I don't follow your logic. Oh, because there is no logic. Go home. You're boring.

Anonymous said...

I just bought the same shoes, and midnight in moscow is what I am rocking right now. I love when stuff like that happens. :)

On the other hand, I do love wine. I love beer, but something about beer just fills me up so quickly. Even the lite beers. I will drink one pint and I will feel stuffed for an hour or two.

Candid Cool said...

your last pair of shoes are amazing!