18 July 2007

Step-tug-tug-smooth

Just like when an Honors Geometry teachers gives partial credit to a student whose attempt at a tough proof - misguided and wrong as it may have been - exhibits intuitive, creative problem-solving skills, I too hold something back from my usually withering critiques when I see someone trying but ultimately failing to execute an intended "look."

Her dress was a black-eyelet cap-sleeved sheath with a scalloped boatneck and tiny leather waist-cinch that hit just below the knee.

Stunning, right?

Well, yes and no. The dress itself was flawless, and from the waist-cinch up, so was the drape. But while this thinkin'-she-looked-so-good brunette clearly had a puts-in-the-time-and-reaps-the-rewards size-4 figure, the extremely fitted bottom half (think pencil skirt skinny) was so painted over her hips-to-ass contour that with every step - literally, every step - she had to stop, tug at the left side of the hem, tug at the right side of the hem, smooth out the material and continue.

Graceful though her corrective movements were, between 17th and ConnAve on M St. alone, she must have gone through at least 15 step-tug-tug-smooth repetitions. Needless to say, she and her too-tight-edness did not go unnoticed.

Once she made it to the intersection, however, all judgmental looks dissipated -- standing still and at full, upright attention (she was about 5'11" with her 4-inch heels), this woman had discovered the absolute perfect wardrobe component to flatter her frame.

The seconds soon ticked down, the light turned red and the little white man ushered the cattle to cross. Almost immediately, even with that first push off the curb, there she went, each struggling strut distancing her further and further away from that statuesque static moment she'd just achieved opposite Burberry's god-awful Fall preview window displays.

And that was just the walk to work. Now I've got to take myself, my too-tight, purchased-in-an-impulse vintage dress ("it'll fit one day...") all the way to dinner with L and then another six blocks home.

I'm anticipating that translates to somewhere along the lines of 1,932 step-tug-tug-smooths.

Lessons for the day:
(1) Listen to your it-feels-kinda-tight instinct and return the dress to the hanger
(2) Follow my own GD advice

6 comments:

m said...

I know exactly what you mean... one of my favorite dresses is currently on vacation in the closet until it fits properly again. It is always sad to do but I would rather put it out of the rotation than walk around feeling like a sausage.

sarahsouth said...

can i be your agent? it's only a matter of time 'til you get a book deal.

west coast devotee said...

If you shrink below a 4, you'll lose that amazing hip-to-ass contour -- you do know that, right? And that's a bad thing. A very VERY bad thing.

etcetera said...

i love these eensy weensy glimpses of humility and fallibility you give us.
xoxo

'frisco guy said...

you certainly had me on this one! didn't see it coming at all! well done!

msu guy said...

great post