19 July 2007

Not just a message for Tara Reid

Like the rest of you, I too was initially horrified when these pics of Tara Reid and her butchered stomach surfaced on the Internet.

The more I thought about it - and yes, looked at it - the horror, however, soon began to transition into pity and finally, acceptance. Regardless of how short-sighted her decision was to essentially drink and skank herself out of what might have been a promising film career (I have a you-had-so-much-potential! cringe every time I see The Big Lebowski), this is a girl who will for the rest of her life see the words "and her wonky stomach" printed next to her name.

Does she have the right to wear a bikini looking like a jacked-up cadaver? I think so. I mean, I certainly wouldn't, but I suppose that since her plastic surgery nightmare made the talk-show circuit and a few covers of widely-circulated magazines earlier this year, her boldness to show it all off can serve as a there's-life-after-disfigurement example to other women in the same unenviable position.

But not a second after I'd entered into the virgin territory that was taking Tara Reid more seriously, these snaps had to come along and vitiate all that progress:

This is a faux pas for which I have absolutely no patience, nor sympathy. Whether your breasts are real or fake, throwing them into a sheer green tube dress with nary a hint of built-in support better mean they are (1) perky, (2) relatively symmetrical AND (3) have either nipples impervious to hardening when a sudden decrease in temperature arises, or affixed to each a preventive nipple-petal.

As you can see above, Tara comes in at 0-3.

Unlike a beach excursion where a woman's what-to-wear options are inextricably linked to her desire to minimize tan lines, on the red carpet, no such limits exist -- there is no justification for a woman to strut out in a dress like this one that drew what I imagine was a massive amount of unwanted attention to her my-surgeon-really-f**ked-it-up rack when she easily could have avoided it with a fuller-coverage neckline and an up-top undergarment.

I'll be the first to applaud a woman who says she's found her own personal style, but I'll give a private lapdance and a cupcake-suitcase full of Funfetti-frosted treats to the one who tells me she's able to identify within that preferred style the looks that most flatter her frame.

We can't all wear a mini, we can't all wear lowrise jeans and we can't all go braless in a wafer-thin lurex tube dress -- a message for us all, not just poor, poor Tara.


Maxie said...

She must WANT to show it off because she could easily get a tankini and cover her stomach up... she knew that it will be all over the tabloids, I guess that's why she did it.

dc girl said...

damn, I gotta say I don't think she deserves to wear that bikini...she took a chance, it didn't work and now she's got to pay the price by covering that mess up. Seriously, gross.

knew you as hannie said...

girl needs a makeover BIG TIME.

a lapdance *and* cupcakes? don't give away all your goods at once, babe :)

Scott said...

Thank you for posting this during lunch. I didn't need to eat anyway.

dara said...

Point in case: last weekend I looked at my favorite sun dress from college (I'm now a decade out) and realized there was no way I'd ever be able to wear it again, because it requires bra-less-ness and my ladies are no longer able to roll like that. End result? I dropped it (and a whole bag of others) off at Goodwill yesterday.

Knowing your figure's limits is essential.

denver fan said...

If I have to see another big legged girl trying to pull off the mini, I'm gonna scream!

Anonymous said...

hahaha this is interesting because i'm watching her on Wild 'n Out right now...good times, tara

Anonymous said...

as a man (i.e. not a catty girl), I couldn't agree more with "denver fan".

Anonymous said...

there is only one place in the world for a woman like tara reid. it's called hooters. it's where men go when they want to see trashy whores serve them. she's just such a tacky cheeseball. it's like she can't look cheesy enough. she was a cute girl with a cute little figure- a figure which god wasted on her.

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