Office don'ts -- warm weather edition

After Monte spotted a woman walking in front of us who was in the commission of committing all but two of these warm weather professional style crimes, I thought it was about time he and I climbed back up on that high horse of ours (we got off at one point to get soft-serve and chat up a guy who might know a guy who lives near Mitt Romney) and laid out a few easy-to-follow guidelines to help keep you from becoming the office trollop this Summer.

Here they are, my warm weather professional don'ts:

Just because it's the color of sunshine doesn't mean it needs to accompany you to your cubicle. If you choose to wear bright Spring/Summer shades, make sure to do so in small complementary doses and to compensate with an at least knee-length hem, a higher scoopneck and a slightly longer pair of sleeves. On the weekend, go as nuts-o with bold prints and fluorescent yellow tiered eyelet skirts as you want, but in the office, get away with only that which you know you can get away with. Don't ruin casual Friday for everyone else.

DC humidity makes even the driest skin shine-saturated. Dewy is desirable, greasy is not. If your face tends to fall into the latter category, pick up a 100-pack of Shiseido Pureness oil-control blotting paper. I think we can all agree sleeveless tops are not universally flattering. This won't win me any popularity points with the readers who already think I'm "harmfully" judgmental, but I truly believe arms past a certain girth and that possess a certain ham-hock quality need to stay under wraps -- pun intended.

A nice tan alone does not a work-ready face make. Well, not in 99% of cases. Ladies, Summer-kissed skin is great for requiring less makeup - I've already buh-byed my foundation until October - but not no makeup. On the weekends, do whatever you want, but during the work week, blotchy spots, dark circles and ripe blemishes should still be tended to with at the very least a few pinpoints of concealer.

If you're going hose-free and/or sleeveless multiple times per week, that means you need to carve out a few extra minutes in the shower for some razor action. Not once a week, not whenever you can remember, but the day of, or, if you shower in the evenings, the night before. You might score a point or two in the to-wear-or-not-to-wear makeup argument, but when it comes to leg and pit whiskers, there is only one determination -- unequivocally unacceptable. And no, Europeans are not granted immunity.

I've railed against the special occasion shoe in a number of previous posts, but here I am again, because you - DC women - don't seem to be listening. Every single day, whether I'm on my way to work, on my way to Cosi or on my way home, I see dozens upon dozens of pairs of these jewel-accented strappy stilettos. In all honesty, I'd rather you were lazy with sneakers than grossly inappropriate with prom shoes.

Ah, the comfort sandal. A favorite of Peace Corps volunteers and soccer Moms alike. A good test is to ask yourself whether you'd wear these to Costco on a Sunday afternoon -- if the answer is "yes," they don't belong in the law firm.

If you keep your jacket on at all times, the bare-back halter might be an acceptable selection. My only suggestion is that if you do take this risk, purchase a bra - not petals, not pasties but a bra - that will allow you to wear your work-to-bar transition top without letting your hasn't-had-sex-in-43-days boss get a peek (or four) at the pointed effect the AC has on your sensitive bits.