28 June 2007

Pretty face + hot body + 9 tatts + porn pout = hung jury


There's no doubt about it, up-and-coming actress Megan Fox (seen here at last night's Hollywood premiere of her new film, Transformers) is one of those stunningly beautiful women, who, even when tatted up and giving off an unmistakable yeah-I-could-be-into-that porn pout, still looks just that -- stunningly beautiful.

But assuming the just-turned 21 year old has the acting chops to move on from '80s cartoon remakes to scripts requiring more range than making "Holy shit! There's a giant primary-colored plastic manbot after us!" faces, she's at a clear disadvantage from other young actresses who don't look as...shall we say, rough and ready. Even with all that natural beauty - her eyes really are that color - even with all the silver and ivory beaded feather-adorned art-deco Collette Dinnigan cocktail dresses and pairs of metallic Louboutin pumps, Megan can't expect to be taken seriously in the Glenn Close, Cate Blanchett, even Penelope Cruz sense if she doesn't hire a glam squad that can:

(1) Teach her a new signature look that does not include sex-me eyes and an "insert here" mouth

(2) Spackle some foundation onto her "shoulder poetry"

(3) Find a way to spin her marriage to Brian Austin-Green - David Silver from "Beverly Hills 90210" - as more a charitable gesture than an actual marriage marriage

For more of Megan looking like a top-earning Vivid Video vixen, see below:

11 comments:

sarahsouth said...

maybe your "friend" will be willing to rub her back poetry off with his handkerchief

nyc admirer said...

whoah, she's incredible. 21 and married, though? yikes. that'll last about 3 seconds in Hollywood.

congrats on the new URL, sweetie!

and on the well-dressed stalker...

bff in chicago said...

she's delish -- where'd she come from?

only 21, already married and already has 9 tattoos? good god, her hotness factor just stumbled a bit.

yay for northern Michigan vacays!

georgia said...

eww! pancake chest! at 21 no less. ick.

Johanna said...

nyca-

yeah, that marriage was over before it began.

bff -

double yay! can't wait to eat cherry pie for breakfast!

Georgia-

didn't even notice that but you're right. very odd.

Editrix needs a nap. so. very. badly.

Anonymous said...

A tat from Lear? Now that's hot. I'm off to the shelves to look for other inkable lines from the Bard!

ataraxia said...

honestly her tits look horrible -- i don't care if that is stylish on the red carpet, i'd be embarrased to go out to get the morning paper of my girls looked like that!

Johanna said...

ataraxia-

agreed. they're nothing like the unbelievable pair I'm going to fawn over in a much-anticipated, highly Sapphic-seeming piece to be posted tomorrow...

And by fawn, I mean F-A-W-N.

Jo said...

She's pretty. But I have a problem with a 21 year old with such sagging boobies. I mean... at least wear a bra!

mm said...

She's got potential. Get her a haircut, stylist and a make-up artist that doesn't cake her up like a hooker and she's golden.

Anonymous said...

she looks a little tranny, but not as tranny as that tranny of all trannies, tera patrick (???) who looks like a hard, hard esse on her way to chino rolling on the grey goose