21 June 2007

The LSAT logic game that is "What do I wear today?"

A woman needs a going-to-work outfit.

A "going-to-work outfit" consists of either a dress (wrap, sheath or shift), a blouse and skirt (no shorter than an inch above the knee), a blouse and trousers, or a blouse and jeans (dark-wash, straight-legged).

What do we know?

1. Today's weather: high-80s, relatively low humidity and chance of precipitation later in the day.

2. Because the woman stayed up way too late last night watching Terminator 2: Judgment Day on the Encore Action channel, she was forced to (1) get fewer than seven hours of sleep (2) take an abbreviated shower (i.e. no shaving or exfoliating) and most painfully, (3) skip her and her dog's usual throw-the-squeaky-platypus-egg-while CHI-ing her Posh-bob routine.

3. Because the woman stayed up way too late last night eating half a bag of baked cheddar Chex Mix and two cans of diet ginger ale, her stomach feels not-so-good this morning.

4. The woman does not have a client meeting today.

What should she wear?

  • due to heat, all heavy fabrics are eliminated

  • due to stubble, all sleeveless and leg-baring options are eliminated

  • due to Chex Mix tummy, all super fitted and Spanx-requiring options are eliminated

  • due to no-client-interface, a dressier ensemble is not required

And just like that, 9/10 of the wardrobe is deemed ineligible, leaving the woman with one pair of grey wide-legged trousers, one pair of high-waisted black palazzo pants, two pairs of non-skinny jeans, a series of light pink, light blue, white, and cherry-print oxford shirts, two cap-sleeved cowl-necked shells in cranberry and ivory, and a mocha bead-detailed pouf-sleeved peasant blouse.

Whittling down the options even further, she recalls the grey pants are now a size too big, decides the high-waisted palazzo pants will accentuate her distendedness, determines cap-sleeves are too close to sleeveless, and rightly so, deems the pouf-sleeved blouse too "weekend" for the work-day.

So jeans, a button-down and heels (of course) it is. But which ones? The black Joe's Socialites or indigo AG Angels? And on top, is it the preppy Hamptonite pink, law-student-looking blue, journalist-on-assignment white, or northern-Michigan-reminiscent cherry-print?

The woman turns to shoes both for inspiration and because, well, she loves shoes. She hones in on a pair of caramel brown round-toed pumps with deconstructed side-bow adornment. Brown shoes mean her garnet studs and indigo jeans -- finally, it's down to the shirt. Because of her time crunch, she needs to make a swift and final decision.

She needs his opinion.

After modeling each one - and doing the full-twirl he uncompromisingly requires - the subtle left head-tilt indicates a clear winner with the cherry-print.

And that is a glimpse into the multi-variable logic game that is a woman's - this woman's, anyway - "what do I wear today?" daily decision-making process.


Anonymous said...

How do you style your new hair cut?

Johanna said...

I use half a pump of Redken's Hair Glide as a protectant (I used to use 3 with my longer hair!), blow it out on the "cool" setting and use my CHI to make it look as sleek and straight as possible.

My part is now much farther to the left, so the sideswept look is more pronounced.

It's definitely more high-maintenance than my longer cut was, but it's totally worth it. I'm still in love with it!

Anonymous said...

any woman who expends that much energy getting dressed in the morning has a serious self-esteem issue.

georgia said...

Yes, very true. The self-esteem issue is very true. Thank goodness there are women like this who love themselves enough to take care of themselves and proudly show it off to the world (through clothes, manicured hands/feet, that kind of hair that makes people stop and ask who did it). Thank goodness.

Anonymous said...

What do you do with your hair when you go running? I'm contemplating a similar cut, the only thing holding me back is that it appears to require too much styling considering that I would be ruining it every night at the gym.

tom h said...

Your dog is precious.....I would love to be able to read his mind........I wonder what he would say???

brown bear '02 said...

I think we *all* go through this same multi-variable process, whether we're as into style as Jo or not. "We" being professional women.

Montesquieu gets cuter every single day...

Johanna said...


so funny you ask about that, because I've gone through about 10 different "styles" for the gym in the past 6 days. What I've found works best for me, is to essentially rock the Tom Cruise from "The Last Sumurai" and then a skinny cloth headband to catch any last flyaways. It's not pretty and the hair on the back of my neck sticks uncomfortably, but so far, that's the best I've come up with.

Not being able to ponytail your hair is a serious drawback to the short bob, but it is still, in my view, worth the trouble.


Samantha said...

New to your site - I absolutely love it :) keep up the good work!

nyc admirer said...

Like I was there with you. Great post.

Johanna said...

Redken's *Heat* Glide, not Hair Glide.

west coast devotee said...

Aaaahh! You totally brought me back to Kaplan Prep with this post!

Loved it, though. Made me feel like I was right there, picking out your outfit with you in real-time.

Can we please talk about this Katie Holmes thing you've got going lately? Girl's got elephant legs -- she *cannot* be your hero.