26 May 2007

Quote of the day: Eva Mendes

"I wasn't comfortable at all. They were very sweet and they poured me a vodka and orange juice and then I was fine. I'm very professional and I don't usually drink on the job but that morning I had a little vodka and OJ."

(Eva Mendes, discussing what it was like to do her first on-screen love scene in We Own the Night with Joaquin Phoenix)

I'm a tad suspicious of this whole I-needed-to-hit-the-bottle-because-of-the-love-scene excuse.

First of all, Miss Modesty, you bare-boobed it for a full five-count in your breakout role in Training Day. You remember, right? It was the only part of that film other than Denzel's "You probably still fuck her face to face, don't you?" tip of the hat to newlywed-dom that might convince me to watch this "Oscar worthy" film for a second time when it inevitably makes its debut as a TNT "New Classic" sometime in the next two years.

Second, I've seen more lad-mag covers with you wearing little more than a pair of Loeffler Randall boots, two strategically-placed hands and your signature come-and-get-it-boys smirk than I saw pink Izod polos in all three semesters I spent at Georgetown University.

Third, this is how you answered the on-screen love scene question in an AskMen.com interview back in 2000:

"Doing them with girls is fun! It goes back to the play yard mentality: guys can be yucky, and girls are sweet, soft and smell good."

Eva, why don't you just come out and say what the rest of us are thinking -- it was Joaquin's all-sorts-of-crazy that made the thought of love-making - not just on-screen love-making but the love-making of any sort - so off-putting you needed to resort to your freshman-year-in-college drink of choice.

I'm not blaming you for using false claims of modesty to divert attention away from the fact you didn't want to get frisky with a man who, from what I can tell from the batty interviews he's given and shit like this, has a cocktail of Tourette's, autism and schizophrenia, but Eva hon, shouldn't you have thought about this before you signed onto the project?

My advice to you is to stick with the girl-on-girl love scenes with which you claim to be more comfortable, and believe me, faster than you can wipe your mouth and say, "God, that felt good...", it'll be you up on that Oscar podium, not your male co-star.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm assuming you mean Tourette's syndrome. Autism and schizophrenia are improperly capitalized in your post. And, in my opinion, you've crossed the line from wry humor to the grotesque in writing that someone is afflicted with a cocktail of the three.

Johanna said...

Thank you for your corrections. I appreciate them.

west coast devotee said...

Yeah, Jo, it's really quite sickening what you wrote about Joaquin. You should have said "combination" instead of "cocktail" and "full of crazy" instead of them big fancy *specific* diseases.

And you capitalized them incorrectly?? How fucking disrespectful can you get? And I bet you laughed at those SNL skits where Mike Meyers played a mentally challeneged boy in a helmet harnessed to the jungle gym, didn't you?

God, you're just so...so GROTESQUE.

ugh, go away anonymous. Don't you have some cross-stitching that needs to be cross-stitched?

Anonymous said...

WCD, I'm not surprised to find you unfamiliar with the literary meaning of the grotesque, meaning a cruel distortion (see Sherwood Anderson). Your lazy, albeit colorful, vocabulary gives you away.

Any writer who often comments upon their command of the language deserves to be corrected when wrong. Keeps us all honest.

I don't cross-stitch, I knit.

west coast devotee said...

anonymous:

A-ha! I was using the even more antiquated definition of the word "grotesque" - i.e. "a style of decorative art characterized by fanciful or fantastic human and animal forms often interwoven with foliage or similar figures that may distort the natural into absurdity, ugliness, or caricature" (see Merriam Webster).

Seriously, if all you wanted to do was correct Jo on her misuse or misspelling of a word, then you should have simply stated that. Instead, you went ahead and trashed her character, which is something I can't stand for.

And since you claim to be so literary, how come you can't recognize a textbook example of hyperbole?

Even this dumbfuck picked up on it.

intern in the city said...

I'm not officially taking sides in this little debate, but anonymous, come on, she clearly was exaggerating for comedic effect, which is hardly grotesque -- *any* definition of grotesque.

If you're going to be a reader of this blog, you sorta have to check your literal interpretation and sensitivity at the door.

Anonymous said...

My goodness WMD--now I'm not sure you can even read at an 8th grade level. I did not trash her character indeed I only commented upon what she wrote in the post, simply that I thought her comparison went too far. No where in my comment did I trash her person, character or behavior.

Perhaps I'll save that for another time.