Though it predictably sprouts up following the first two consecutive 10-flip poolside shifts of every pre-Summer season, I always seem to forget until it arrives just how concealer-resistant and debilitating to even the prettiest pretty-day my crescent-shaped collection of tightly concentrated sommersprossen - affectionately dubbed by my older brother "Hannie's freckle mustache" - proves to be.
The angle at which the picture above was taken doesn't even begin to capture just how Pancho-Villa-esque a transformation direct sunlight activates above my upper-lip. Like muscular calves and a natural bubble-butt, the freckle mustache has been one of the tough, this-ain't-changin'-anytime-soon realities with which I've had to deal from the time I was a wee thing judging others' physical appearances on the Lincoln Elementary School playground. Once I hit fourth grade advanced math and learned to enter the numerous pros and lone con of a responsibly-earned Summer tan into a comprehensive utility-maximization matrix, however, I right there and then knew it was indeed worth the temporary illusion of whiskers to have sunkissed skin. Science is science, after all, and you can't argue with the power of a statistically significant coefficient.
That doesn't mean I haven't put forth effort to fight the futile fight, however.
On the contrary, I've tried everything from using a stronger SPF to caking on makeup to precision exfoliation, and so far, nothing has worked well enough to keep random people - people who have no obvious reason to want to make me feel uncomfortable - come up to me and say, "Uh, you've got a little something right there, no there, above your lip. No it's still there. Still there. Oh, it doesn't come off, does it? Sorry about that."
I implore you, loyal readers, if any of you suffer from this same miscarriage of genetic justice and have discovered a reliable method to avoid the two-to-four day embarrassment from which I'm about to suffer (thank God I'll be the only one in the office today), please come forth and share your wisdom.