09 April 2007

From neck to knees -- perfect.

From neck to knees, actress Emmanuelle Chriqui, who (apparently) is on that overrated show "Entourage" but to me will forever be the object of Lance Bass' affection in the stellar On the Line, looks downright perfect with a little help from this gorgeously girly halter-style plunge-neck bit-of-summer-temptation courtesy of Yves Saint Laurent.

But before you anoint her and her beyond enviable and unsupported B-cup cleavage the best new Hollywood has to offer, let's take a look at the rest of this ensemble, shall we?

Hair -- not so much a fan of the four-inch high bangs. I like a slight hump, a Gwen hump, but I need a more graduated sleekness to the sides of this 'do. To put it (not) delicately, sister looks like she's trying to bring back the Arsenio Hall flat-top.

Earrings -- too big and too teenager-at-the-mall to pair with such a ladylike frock. Plus, it's never a good idea to have less than an inch between your jewelery and your frilly neckline. The result is busy, busy BUSY. Had I been her stylist, I would've pushed pearls on her. I know, I know, how very DC of me, but truly, when it comes to eyelet and white summer cotton, there are few jewels that don't by comparison to the delicate fabric look like hardware. Pearls, simple diamonds and maybe white opals. Studs, not drops and certainly not chandeliers.

Eyelashes -- this is where she really lost me. Those lashes aren't even Les Deux on a Friday night appropriate, much less Yves Saint Laurent white cotton summer dress appropriate. Unfortunately, what would have been a very sweet, very minimal, very let-her-natural-beauty-shine-through makeup job ended up looking freakish. Not even the amazing dress, flawless skin or Leiber clutch can distract from the horror that looks like spider legs crawling out of the poor girl's eye-sockets.

Let's now go below the knee.

Shoes -- with the delicacy of the fabric and the femininity of the cut and detailing, I would not have gone with a severe, chunky wedge slingbacks with wide black criss-crossing leather straps and gold metallic siding. I know it's a popular fashion statement to have one aspect of your outfit represent one extreme and another aspect represent its opposite - in this case, lady and boho chick - but in this particular outfit, on this particular girl, it just looks foolish. I would have chosen a nude or caramel brown sandal like this 'Very Prive' platform pump by Brian Atwood ($640 at saks.com). With Chriqui's tanned gams, the shoe would have extended and blended perfectly to not only make her look taller but thinner as well.

And there we have the transition we need to discuss Emmanuelle's unfortunate legs. Unfortunate calves, to be specific. I understand not every woman is born blessed with a predisposition for calf definition, but my goodness, for someone who claims to be "a lifelong runner" and who has signed on to serve as the face of Reebok's "Run Easy" campaign, what a disappointment to see on her a pair of Mischa Barton-esque sugar-cone legs.

With such a pretty face, such a spectacular rack and (a stylist with) such great taste in red carpet dresses, Ms. Chriqui will no doubt do well for herself in this industry.

I do, however, recommend she lipo those pumpkin knees, trim that flat-top and buh-bye those Shu Uemura knockoff lashes. Everyone starts somewhere, sweetie, and since you came out of the gates playing a gay pop singer's love interest, you have nowhere to go but up!


dc girl said...

those lashes are fucked up. seriously. who put those on her face?

Anonymous said...

love that dress! it's so pretty!