Easter-inspired food porn

Unfortunately, unlike Thanksgiving, the entire month of December and a romantic dinner book-ended by an avocado-foam amuse bouche and a pumpkin ginger tart, the calories you consume today do count. That means, assuming you already did your Biel squats, Scarlett kegels and 60 minutes of cardio, you need to stick to lean protein, dark green vegetables, vitamin-enriched fruits (i.e. not apples), wheat-based grains, and max one biscuit OR one small scoop of garlic mashed potatoes. Oh, and beer, of course. It wouldn't be a holiday without downing two to five ice-cold longnecks while eating your Mother's served-on-Wedgewood-china Easter dinner in the formal dining room, now would it?

A Creme Egg? Don't be ridiculous, those are for girls who eat their feelings. Instead, just indulge in a bit of Easter-inspired food porn with the original 1984 commercial -- you know, the one with the bok-bok-boking bunny?

I could watch over and over again the foreplay of that scene in which those well-manicured hands break open the egg and ever so slowly, ever so gently, ever so deliberately pull apart the chocolate to reveal its sweet core of white and yellow holiday nectar.

I could and have.

Calorie-free -- just another reason why, when given the choice, porn always beats food in my household.