13 on the 13th

Because I wanted to write something special today - it being Friday the 13th and all - I decided to put together 13 of the worst fashion 'eff-ups I witnessed during a typical casual Friday lunch break within a two-block radius of the M/ConnAve intersection.

And to think, I actually believed I would need to invent a few to reach 13. Not so.

Unfortunately, my Treo is at full capacity with two years' worth of photos of my puppy and those other kind - you know, the ones that require you to keep your finger tightly hovered over the "off" button when showing others exactly how much more adorable your dog is than theirs - so no, I don't have proper documentation of just how full-on awful these women looked.

I wish what I'm about to share with you had been the result of a collective, Friday-the-13th-incited lapse in fashion judgment, but let's be honest, when those who are supposed to be Washington's most knowledgeable fashion critics consider this an example of a woman maintaining her "style image" when traveling in the more modest Middle East, well, you know you've entered into wha-huh? territory. Seriously, all she did was relocate one of her ugly-ass Ferragamo scarves from around her neck, her purse or her shoulders to her head. To me, she looks more like a Soviet-era peasant than the most powerful, "best dressed" Congresswoman this country has to offer.

Without further ado, here is your list of head-shaking style moments in the order in which I saw them:

1. Too short black trousers with heavily scuffed fuchsia pointy-toed boots

2. "Blonde" hair with black roots reaching down to her nose

3. Wrap shirt exposing a tall-stack of pancake cleavage

4. PLEATED KHAKIS (this deserves all-caps -- have I taught you nothing?)

5. Shapeless black leather coat with pleated khakis and slip-on leather Keds

6. Mom jeans -- two pairs of 'em (I shit you not, they were climbing into a Honda Odyssey)

7. Ribbed, too-tight white turtleneck with red stretch pants - wait, no, those are trousers, they're just tight enough to be stretch pants

8. Extremely sheer blouse, black lacy bra and pilling polyester pinstripe trousers

9. Mint green pantsuit with a slightly more mint green scarf tied around the neck

10. Square-toed block heeled one-inch pumps (a whole gaggle of them, all under 30 years old)

11. Vera Bradley bag

12. Floral-print button-up, denim prairie skirt and white NB crosstrainers

13. Beige poly-blend skirt suit, beige hose and white Asics running shoes

I have nothing more to write. All acerbic wit has left the building. Let me close my eyes and think of something less frightening than what I just witnessed.

Okay, got it: